Strange Bedfellows: A Comedy of Assumptions, by Mad Maudlin (PG13)

[anenko.livejournal.com]

Fandom: HARRY POTTER
Pairing: Ron/Draco
Author on LJ: Unknown
Author’s Website: Fanfiction.net Profile
Why this must be read:

Proving to you all that my sense of humour can occasionally be compared to that of a thirteen year old boy’s, I admit that I found this story hysterical the first. . . and second. . . and third time I read it. Ron, Hermione, Harry, Draco, and the rest of their classmates, are caught up in various misunderstandings and strange rumours. A Ron/Draco fic, although their relationship is secondary to Hermione and Harry’s adventures.

(The Trio, Hermione especially, may be considered to be out of character. The story is amusing enough, in my opinion, to make up for that, especially as the author recognizes, and makes fun, of Hermione’s outrageous behaviour).

"Crabbe said that Malfoy was complaining about the size of Ron's wand!" Hermione said triumphantly. "He must be trying to work this curse, but their wands are too different!"

"Are you sure? I mean, have you ever seen Malfoy's wand?"

"Well...no," she admitted. "But you have, right? I mean, it's been right up in your face enough times..."

"I'm usually a bit too preoccupied to notice the fine details, Herm."

She sighed. "Well, we know it has to be smaller than Ron's, because otherwise he wouldn't be complaining about the size. How big is Ron's, anyway?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"I don't go around keeping track of everyone's wand sizes, Harry!"

"Well, neither do I! He showed it to us both at the beginning of third year, remember?"

"Yes, well, that was third year! And besides, you're his roommate, you must've seen it loads of times!"

"I don't know what you think goes on in our dormitory, but I don't go around examining everyone else's wands. That's weird."

"Well, how are we going to compare Ron's wand to Malfoy's if we don't know how long they are?"

"Well, we could ask..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "What, just walk up and say, 'Excuse me, Malfoy, could we have a look at your wand?' You think he'd just whip it out for us?"

"Well, it's not like he hasn't before..." There was an odd noise that sounded vaguely like word snark. "Did you hear that?"

"Oh, it's probably just Peeves..." She frowned. "Okay, Harry, how long is your wand?"

"Eleven inches. Why?"

"I've seen you two together, so I know Ron's is longer than that...and it's longer than my wand, too, and mine's twelve and three-quarters."

The was another, much louder snark, and a thump. Harry stuck it head out of the nook and saw a very pale Colin Creevy passed out in the corridor. He groaned. "Hermione, we've been overheard again."

Strange Bedfellows: A Comedy of Assumptions