crack_van | House of Cards by AJ (PG-13)

Title: House of Cards
Fandom: The West Wing
Pairing: Josh/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Author on LJ:

ajuxtaposedme
Author Website: tulips for every occasion
Why this must be read:

To finish up my recs this month, I've chosen my favourite one by AJ. House of Cards is a stunningly beautiful piece of writing with the most gorgeous, lushly lyrical language. This is Sam contemplating not only his relationship with Josh, but what Josh means to him and how he can't, just can't let go. This is a thoughtful, quiet Sam, the Sam of Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail who feels things so very deeply but rarely lets people know. What AJ does is to capture Sam-the-writer, a man with an astonishing grasp of language and a powerful imagination and she just gently breaks his heart leaving him yearning and almost trembling in love. Stunning.

This is just so beautiful, the characterisations are superb, the dialogue is excellent and there is an intangible breath of hope in the ending.

Extract
Gravity affects him more than usual this morning, and he has to fight harder to keep his feet moving forward, to keep his eyes open and his head up. There is a heaviness to his existence that he has never felt before, and as he stands it occurs to him that one day it might all just fall. That this thing he created with Leo and the President, and the others, is nothing more than a house built of cards, and he worries he will breathe a little too hard and everything will come tumbling down. He is heavier today, and older today, uneasy.

Because Sam is afraid, somewhere, that this isn't going to be the fairy tale ending that they have all been hoping for. He's tired of looking younger and being treated younger. He was forced to learn long ago how to deal with defeat, disappointment, disillusionment, and despite that, he still managed to hang on to shreds of optimism. Because he thinks life is pointless without hope.

So he reaches out into the shadows, into the mist of the northern California morning, and clutches tightly at this tenuous thing that breathes with a life of its own. And there is Josh, speaking and convincing, the world his stage and his message the truth, and Sam in the background, waiting.

His eyes are alive, flashing with passion that can't be faked. And Sam knows his own eyes are cloudy, matching the weather outside and the turmoil within. He doesn't quite know when they stopped listening to him, and wonders if perhaps he lost his voice instead. If the fog somehow swallowed it, light and flowing.

He used to be content with his position in this stress-filled world, working in the wings to create the magic of the show, hearing his words being spoken with an element of pride. Now he feels as if they have stopped being his words, though they flowed from his pen and his thoughts, and became the President's, and Toby's, and Josh's. As if his words are not good enough simply being Sam's words. He remembers CJ, talking down to him in ways she never had, and he remembers being angry, watching her eyes widen at his fury. But most of all he remembers feeling lonely, and unimportant. Dispensable, and young.

And he remembers the silence afterwards.

House of Cards by AJ