Only On A True Return Will You Find That You've Never Left by Elynrae (PG)

[vissy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: YAMI NO MATSUEI
Pairing: Tsuzuki/Tohda
Author on LJ: elynrae
Author Website: N/A
Why this must be read: Even if you haven't read Tohda's backstory in the manga, the anime image of Tsuzuki on his knees imploring Tohda to burn everything is powerful; but it is the earlier moment, when the characters face one another in silent communion, that really intrigues me. How did two such damaged and destructive individuals get to this point, and what happens in the aftermath? This story acknowledges the dark, complicated nature of Tsuzuki and Tohda's relationship; theirs is a pairing founded in pity and obligation, an uneasy master/servant dynamic in which the servant's greater power is stayed only by his reluctant devotion to his adoring master. For all that, their love is as sincere as it is messed-up (in true YnM style) and indeed, this story plays beautifully with the notion that everyone must needs love Tsuzuki. The writing is subtle and darkly tender, lending all the characters, including Hisoka and Tatsumi, a complexity startling in such a short piece.

It's been several years since Tsuzuki let himself feel for anyone like this. There have been men and women before, and there will be men and women in the future, but Tohda is different. He is neither man nor woman and Tsuzuki wants him, almost burns with the wanting sometimes. He has dreamt of kissing him, of holding him, of entering him and whispering his name as he comes and it is not enough to have only dreams.

*

Even in another world, Hisoka can feel the shudder that ripples through Tsuzuki's thoughts when he thinks of Tohda. He stands abruptly, pushes his chair back and rushes from the room.

Tatsumi removes his glasses and slowly, carefully, begins to polish them.

*

Only On A True Return Will You Find That You've Never Left