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crack_van2005-06-29 04:26 pm
vissy.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2005-06-29 04:26 pm
Entry tags:
A Better Fate Than Wisdom by Brigdh (R)
Fandom: YAMI NO MATSUEI
Pairing: Hisoka/Tsuzuki
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wordsofastory
Author Website: nextdooruniverse
Why this must be read: Normally I'm a bit iffy about first person narrative, but Bridgh has safe hands; she loves Hisoka, but more importantly, she gets him. For all his (perfectly understandable) maladjustment, Hisoka truly tries to do his best by Tsuzuki, but sex is messy and they're both messed up, and intimacy's just not as easy to achieve as he might hope. Of course that makes the victories - awkward, unpracticed, and tender - all the better.
I've never touched Tsuzuki for this long before. No, that's not true. We touch all the time, but usually there's too many other things going on to notice. Right now no one is bleeding or crying, and nothing's on fire, and it seems like a very long time with nothing to think about except the way his skin feels against my palm. I remind myself that I don't want to pull away; that he wouldn't stop me if I tried. Tsuzuki's hand is larger than mine is, and his knuckles make bony knobs between my fingers, and one of his nails has a jagged edge in the corner where he must've bitten it. If I concentrate, I can almost feel his heartbeat within my grip.
I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. All the stupid little physical details don't add up to anything grand or romantic, and I don't like feeling his pulse. You shouldn't be able to hear it as someone else's heart pumps blood through their body; it's disturbing. And his pulse is slower than mine, which makes my stomach hurt as if my body can't decide which rhythm it's supposed to be following. I thought if I could take that first step and prove to myself that I could touch someone, everything else would fall into place, and then I'd know what to do. For once, I'd be certain of what I actually wanted, not what I thought I might want just because I'd never had it. But I only feel awkward, and I don't have anything more intelligent to say than I did before, and my hand is sweaty.
A Better Fate Than Wisdom
Pairing: Hisoka/Tsuzuki
Author on LJ:
wordsofastoryAuthor Website: nextdooruniverse
Why this must be read: Normally I'm a bit iffy about first person narrative, but Bridgh has safe hands; she loves Hisoka, but more importantly, she gets him. For all his (perfectly understandable) maladjustment, Hisoka truly tries to do his best by Tsuzuki, but sex is messy and they're both messed up, and intimacy's just not as easy to achieve as he might hope. Of course that makes the victories - awkward, unpracticed, and tender - all the better.
I've never touched Tsuzuki for this long before. No, that's not true. We touch all the time, but usually there's too many other things going on to notice. Right now no one is bleeding or crying, and nothing's on fire, and it seems like a very long time with nothing to think about except the way his skin feels against my palm. I remind myself that I don't want to pull away; that he wouldn't stop me if I tried. Tsuzuki's hand is larger than mine is, and his knuckles make bony knobs between my fingers, and one of his nails has a jagged edge in the corner where he must've bitten it. If I concentrate, I can almost feel his heartbeat within my grip.
I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. All the stupid little physical details don't add up to anything grand or romantic, and I don't like feeling his pulse. You shouldn't be able to hear it as someone else's heart pumps blood through their body; it's disturbing. And his pulse is slower than mine, which makes my stomach hurt as if my body can't decide which rhythm it's supposed to be following. I thought if I could take that first step and prove to myself that I could touch someone, everything else would fall into place, and then I'd know what to do. For once, I'd be certain of what I actually wanted, not what I thought I might want just because I'd never had it. But I only feel awkward, and I don't have anything more intelligent to say than I did before, and my hand is sweaty.
A Better Fate Than Wisdom