ext_20991 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
severuslovesme.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crack_van2007-04-14 09:04 pm
severuslovesme.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2007-04-14 09:04 pm
Entry tags:
Leave a Message, by Amanda Finch and Tim Scott (PG-13)
Fandom: X-Files
Pairing: Mulder/Scully UST
Author Website: Unfortunately I can't find a site for either of them
Why this must be read:
This is one of the funniest X-Files stories I've ever read, and it's definitely one everyone should read. It features sneaky!Mulder and Scully, as well as hijinks involving the Lone Gunmen. There is revenge and blind dates and the UST is blink and you'll miss it, so it's suitable for noromos. Go read it, and prepare to laugh out loud.
Excerpt:
This was going to cost him, in more ways than one. Anticipating
that he would need the drink before he made the call, he
prepared it. He dialed hesitantly, scrambling frantically for a
plausible excuse for his lateness.
One ring... two rings and --
"You've reached the office of Fox Mulder. I'm not here right
now. Please hold for a list of options. This conversation may be
recorded to provide evidence of a vast government conspiracy."
That's *my* voice!
Confused, he shook his head. Last time he checked, they had
the same boring, computer-generated voicemail message as
every other --
"If you are a shadowy informant who desires a clandestine
meeting to drop vague clues which will eventually lead to a
horrible, sudden death -- press 1."
He already had his top three suspects.
"If you're a genetic mutant or know of one -- press 2."
Though he wasn't sure if Frohike counted for a whole suspect.
"If you're calling about a paranormal incident such as
telekinesis, clairvoyance, or precognition -- press 3."
At least the Gunmen didn't have a sample of him saying
'paramasturbatory'...
"If you're calling about a supernatural phenomenon such as
vampirism, zombies, lycanthropy or demons -- press 4."
So this was how they lured Scully to Vegas. Niiiice.
"If you have information leading to the arrest and/or conviction
of David Copperfield -- press 5." Mulder snorted. Okay, that
one was funny.
"If you're a time traveler coming back from the future to prevent
an event from occurring -- press 6. On the other hand, if you are
then you probably already have and this won't be necessary.
Never mind."
He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at in
disbelief before putting it back again.
" -- experienced missing time -- press 7."
Mulder wondered if he still had that footage of Frohike on New
Year's eve waking up in the Cher wig and sequined jacket after
Langly found him passed out in the hotel foyer.
"If you have proof of the existence of an Extra-terrestrial
Biological Entity or happen to be one -- press 8."
Bastards.
"If you think there's a --"
Scully's voice cut in.
" -- perfectly logical explanation for all of this -- "
His voice again. "Press 9."
Leave a Message
Pairing: Mulder/Scully UST
Author Website: Unfortunately I can't find a site for either of them
Why this must be read:
This is one of the funniest X-Files stories I've ever read, and it's definitely one everyone should read. It features sneaky!Mulder and Scully, as well as hijinks involving the Lone Gunmen. There is revenge and blind dates and the UST is blink and you'll miss it, so it's suitable for noromos. Go read it, and prepare to laugh out loud.
Excerpt:
This was going to cost him, in more ways than one. Anticipating
that he would need the drink before he made the call, he
prepared it. He dialed hesitantly, scrambling frantically for a
plausible excuse for his lateness.
One ring... two rings and --
"You've reached the office of Fox Mulder. I'm not here right
now. Please hold for a list of options. This conversation may be
recorded to provide evidence of a vast government conspiracy."
That's *my* voice!
Confused, he shook his head. Last time he checked, they had
the same boring, computer-generated voicemail message as
every other --
"If you are a shadowy informant who desires a clandestine
meeting to drop vague clues which will eventually lead to a
horrible, sudden death -- press 1."
He already had his top three suspects.
"If you're a genetic mutant or know of one -- press 2."
Though he wasn't sure if Frohike counted for a whole suspect.
"If you're calling about a paranormal incident such as
telekinesis, clairvoyance, or precognition -- press 3."
At least the Gunmen didn't have a sample of him saying
'paramasturbatory'...
"If you're calling about a supernatural phenomenon such as
vampirism, zombies, lycanthropy or demons -- press 4."
So this was how they lured Scully to Vegas. Niiiice.
"If you have information leading to the arrest and/or conviction
of David Copperfield -- press 5." Mulder snorted. Okay, that
one was funny.
"If you're a time traveler coming back from the future to prevent
an event from occurring -- press 6. On the other hand, if you are
then you probably already have and this won't be necessary.
Never mind."
He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at in
disbelief before putting it back again.
" -- experienced missing time -- press 7."
Mulder wondered if he still had that footage of Frohike on New
Year's eve waking up in the Cher wig and sequined jacket after
Langly found him passed out in the hotel foyer.
"If you have proof of the existence of an Extra-terrestrial
Biological Entity or happen to be one -- press 8."
Bastards.
"If you think there's a --"
Scully's voice cut in.
" -- perfectly logical explanation for all of this -- "
His voice again. "Press 9."
Leave a Message
no subject
I very rarely read X-Files fic because I don't know the canon (other than who Mulder and Scully are;) but I'm adding this one to the to-read list! Thanks for reccing!
no subject