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crack_van2008-01-28 05:16 pm
malabud.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2008-01-28 05:16 pm
Entry tags:
The Battle of the Letters by Skylar (PG)
Fandom: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Pairing: Elizabeth Darcy née Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
Length: 3,000 words
Author on LJ: Unknown
Author Website: Skylar's FFN Profile
Why this must be read:
This hilarious short story is told in epistolary form and details a series of letters between Elizabeth and her new husband Fitzwilliam Darcy while he is away on business. Elizabeth challenges her husband to write her a love letter, but she imposes certain stipulations on said letter. He dutifully replies, but she then declares that his love letter does not fit within the parameters she originally laid down. They banter back and forth through the letters as to what constitutes a love letter and about their relationship.
I have to admit I laughed out loud several times reading this story. We know Elizabeth is witty, but Fitzwilliam is also shown to possess a sly humor. Though the author is no Jane Austen (who is, after all?) the character voices are spot-on and the humor is nigh perfect. Highly recommended.
Note that I include a link to the sequel, entitled "Mr. Darcy's Homecoming." It is quite humorous as well and brings about a satisfying conclusion to "The Battle of the Letters." Also, check out Skylar's other P&P fics, for they are all excellent.
* * *
Dear Fitzwilliam,
As requested, I am duly acknowledging receipt of your first communication. Although I make no claim to any grand skills of logical deduction, I am able to infer, based on the contents of your epistle, that you do not have a great deal of experience writing to women for whom you might entertain romantic sentiments.
That is all well and good, for if you did possess such experience, I would be forced to require a list of names, and I could not then be held responsible for any consequences that might ensue.
Nevertheless, your inexperience is no excuse for such a mundane communiqué. I am sure the details of your business transactions are of the utmost interest to your dutiful steward, but in case you are not aware, let me inform you that I am your wife, and that I am therefore entitled to a somewhat different treatment.
As your business will keep you from Pemberley for at least a fortnight, I insist that you furnish me with a love letter. I am not asking for the moonstruck wooings of an immature Romeo, but I am requesting some clear signs of affection and regard. I have complete confidence in you, Fitzwilliam, and I am sure you can produce such a letter. I even expect it will exceed a full page.
There is no need, however, for you to digress into idealistic ramblings. Do not think that I desire you to quote me poetry. I will hardly be impressed if you borrow another man's words, even Shakespeare's. If you would be so kind, please likewise refrain from hackneyed phrases and romantic comparisons between me and various (I'll omit the redundancy of sundry) objects.
How do I know that you are capable of rising to this occasion? Because I can say, with absolute sincerity, that you are the most intelligent man of my acquaintance (always excepting Mr. Collins, of course) as well as the most resolute (other than my dear brother Charles Bingley, who never yields to persuasion). With such qualities coupled together, how can you fail me?
Abandoning all facetiousness for a moment, let me say that I really do believe in you. And I want you to know that I am daily grateful for the honor you have bestowed upon me by making me your wife.
Love, Elizabeth
The Battle of the Letters
Mr. Darcy's Homecoming
Update January 2012: Unfortunately, it appears that the only way to find these fics now is via the Wayback Machine.
Pairing: Elizabeth Darcy née Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
Length: 3,000 words
Author on LJ: Unknown
Author Website: Skylar's FFN Profile
Why this must be read:
This hilarious short story is told in epistolary form and details a series of letters between Elizabeth and her new husband Fitzwilliam Darcy while he is away on business. Elizabeth challenges her husband to write her a love letter, but she imposes certain stipulations on said letter. He dutifully replies, but she then declares that his love letter does not fit within the parameters she originally laid down. They banter back and forth through the letters as to what constitutes a love letter and about their relationship.
I have to admit I laughed out loud several times reading this story. We know Elizabeth is witty, but Fitzwilliam is also shown to possess a sly humor. Though the author is no Jane Austen (who is, after all?) the character voices are spot-on and the humor is nigh perfect. Highly recommended.
Note that I include a link to the sequel, entitled "Mr. Darcy's Homecoming." It is quite humorous as well and brings about a satisfying conclusion to "The Battle of the Letters." Also, check out Skylar's other P&P fics, for they are all excellent.
* * *
Dear Fitzwilliam,
As requested, I am duly acknowledging receipt of your first communication. Although I make no claim to any grand skills of logical deduction, I am able to infer, based on the contents of your epistle, that you do not have a great deal of experience writing to women for whom you might entertain romantic sentiments.
That is all well and good, for if you did possess such experience, I would be forced to require a list of names, and I could not then be held responsible for any consequences that might ensue.
Nevertheless, your inexperience is no excuse for such a mundane communiqué. I am sure the details of your business transactions are of the utmost interest to your dutiful steward, but in case you are not aware, let me inform you that I am your wife, and that I am therefore entitled to a somewhat different treatment.
As your business will keep you from Pemberley for at least a fortnight, I insist that you furnish me with a love letter. I am not asking for the moonstruck wooings of an immature Romeo, but I am requesting some clear signs of affection and regard. I have complete confidence in you, Fitzwilliam, and I am sure you can produce such a letter. I even expect it will exceed a full page.
There is no need, however, for you to digress into idealistic ramblings. Do not think that I desire you to quote me poetry. I will hardly be impressed if you borrow another man's words, even Shakespeare's. If you would be so kind, please likewise refrain from hackneyed phrases and romantic comparisons between me and various (I'll omit the redundancy of sundry) objects.
How do I know that you are capable of rising to this occasion? Because I can say, with absolute sincerity, that you are the most intelligent man of my acquaintance (always excepting Mr. Collins, of course) as well as the most resolute (other than my dear brother Charles Bingley, who never yields to persuasion). With such qualities coupled together, how can you fail me?
Abandoning all facetiousness for a moment, let me say that I really do believe in you. And I want you to know that I am daily grateful for the honor you have bestowed upon me by making me your wife.
Love, Elizabeth
Mr. Darcy's Homecoming
Update January 2012: Unfortunately, it appears that the only way to find these fics now is via the Wayback Machine.