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crack_van2004-03-06 04:24 pm
executrix.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2004-03-06 04:24 pm
Cough by Andreyah (NC-17)
Fandom:BLAKES7
Pairing:Avon/Tarrant
Author on LJ:?
Author's Website: Holodeck 4, http://members.lycos.nl/Andreyah/holodeck4.htmlHolodeck4
Why this must be read:
The episode "Sand" includes one of the few canonical leg-overs: the (rather implausible) Servalan/Tarrant. This story starts right afterwards, as Tarrant returns from Virn with a persistent cough caused by a stray pubic hair that he just can't get rid of. All his crewmates hassle him about L'Affaire Virn, but only Avon is sufficiently lacking in "tedious scruples about cheating and lying" (and horny enough) to Save the Day and thoroughly take advantage of the situation:
"Or you could ask Avon," Orac suddenly said, almost sounding sarcastic.
Tarrant frowned in disbelief. "Avon?"
"In a way that I'm not programmed to describe Avon managed to help Blake when he suffered from the same discomfort."
[...]
I suppose you tried the showerhead?" Avon asked casually.
Tarrant nodded sadly.
Avon's lips twitched. "I thought you would. So did Blake. And you might want to know that the average velocity of water form a shower is about fifty kilometres per hour. The maximum speed of sperm when ejaculated however is seventy kilometres per hour. Furthermore it is thicker and stickier than water."
In a way, the whole story is about a practical joke, although the victim isn't necessarily complaining by the end of the story. I suspect that, given half a chance, Vila would have been the best customer of the Weasley twins' joke shop, but you'd never be safe from Space!Whoopie Cushions anywhere on the Liberator or Scorpio.
Note: The story is also on Andreyah's site; this is the link to Liberated (which spells the author's name wrong), given in case you feel like checking out some other B7 stories when you're there.
Cough
Pairing:Avon/Tarrant
Author on LJ:?
Author's Website: Holodeck 4, http://members.lycos.nl/Andreyah/holodeck4.htmlHolodeck4
Why this must be read:
The episode "Sand" includes one of the few canonical leg-overs: the (rather implausible) Servalan/Tarrant. This story starts right afterwards, as Tarrant returns from Virn with a persistent cough caused by a stray pubic hair that he just can't get rid of. All his crewmates hassle him about L'Affaire Virn, but only Avon is sufficiently lacking in "tedious scruples about cheating and lying" (and horny enough) to Save the Day and thoroughly take advantage of the situation:
"Or you could ask Avon," Orac suddenly said, almost sounding sarcastic.
Tarrant frowned in disbelief. "Avon
"In a way that I'm not programmed to describe Avon managed to help Blake when he suffered from the same discomfort."
[...]
I suppose you tried the showerhead?" Avon asked casually.
Tarrant nodded sadly.
Avon's lips twitched. "I thought you would. So did Blake. And you might want to know that the average velocity of water form a shower is about fifty kilometres per hour. The maximum speed of sperm when ejaculated however is seventy kilometres per hour. Furthermore it is thicker and stickier than water."
In a way, the whole story is about a practical joke, although the victim isn't necessarily complaining by the end of the story. I suspect that, given half a chance, Vila would have been the best customer of the Weasley twins' joke shop, but you'd never be safe from Space!Whoopie Cushions anywhere on the Liberator or Scorpio.
Note: The story is also on Andreyah's site; this is the link to Liberated (which spells the author's name wrong), given in case you feel like checking out some other B7 stories when you're there.
Cough