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marag.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crack_van2004-04-29 07:42 pm
marag.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2004-04-29 07:42 pm
Entry tags:
The Shi'ar Coffee Story by Alicia McKenzie
Fandom: X-MEN COMICVERSE
Pairing: Cable/Domino, I suppose, although the story's not about that
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aliciam
Author Website: The link I have isn't working. Any help would be appreciated!
Why this must be read: You can never have enough humor in fandom. Really. And this story is one I've read a hundred times, each time laughing my ass off. I'm not even sure how precisely to describe why it's so funny, it's a combination of spot-on, yet slightly absurd characterizations, a situation that's inherently hilarious, and the intimations that it got so so so much worse while you were looking away.
The story plays with a classic fandom cliche: the big tough guy who needs his caffeine. Pity poor Cable, the toughest of the tough, when Beast has "borrowed" the coffee machine for an experiment.
Someone had stolen the coffeemaker.
Someone was going to die.
Bleary eyes narrowing, the man known as Cable turned away from the empty spot on the counter where that most precious of appliances normally rested, and glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to five. Five in the morning. Even Scott didn't get up this early.
Not that Scott would have stolen the coffeemaker. Scott knew better than that. Scott knew that, father or not, grand theft coffeemaker was punishable by death.
A slow death.
A slow, painful death.
A slow, excruciatingly painful--Nathan shook his head. The fog didn't go away. Growling under his breath, he decided to double back to his bedroom before he went hunting. There was a nice big gun underneath his pillow that he suddenly felt lonely for.
A gun would be a good thing to have. After all, whoever would steal a coffeemaker was more dangerous than Stryfe, Sinister and Apocalypse all put together. Someone like that should be shot on sight.
Shot on sight like a rabid canine.
Shot on sight like a rabid, ugly canine.
Shot on sight like a rabid, ugly canine that was giving your purebred toy poodle a lustful look and doing obscene things to your leg--
"I need my coffee," Cable muttered plainitively, and went to get his very biggest gun. Why did people always do these things to him?
The Shi'ar Coffee Story
Pairing: Cable/Domino, I suppose, although the story's not about that
Author on LJ:
aliciamAuthor Website: The link I have isn't working. Any help would be appreciated!
Why this must be read: You can never have enough humor in fandom. Really. And this story is one I've read a hundred times, each time laughing my ass off. I'm not even sure how precisely to describe why it's so funny, it's a combination of spot-on, yet slightly absurd characterizations, a situation that's inherently hilarious, and the intimations that it got so so so much worse while you were looking away.
The story plays with a classic fandom cliche: the big tough guy who needs his caffeine. Pity poor Cable, the toughest of the tough, when Beast has "borrowed" the coffee machine for an experiment.
Someone had stolen the coffeemaker.
Someone was going to die.
Bleary eyes narrowing, the man known as Cable turned away from the empty spot on the counter where that most precious of appliances normally rested, and glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to five. Five in the morning. Even Scott didn't get up this early.
Not that Scott would have stolen the coffeemaker. Scott knew better than that. Scott knew that, father or not, grand theft coffeemaker was punishable by death.
A slow death.
A slow, painful death.
A slow, excruciatingly painful--Nathan shook his head. The fog didn't go away. Growling under his breath, he decided to double back to his bedroom before he went hunting. There was a nice big gun underneath his pillow that he suddenly felt lonely for.
A gun would be a good thing to have. After all, whoever would steal a coffeemaker was more dangerous than Stryfe, Sinister and Apocalypse all put together. Someone like that should be shot on sight.
Shot on sight like a rabid canine.
Shot on sight like a rabid, ugly canine.
Shot on sight like a rabid, ugly canine that was giving your purebred toy poodle a lustful look and doing obscene things to your leg--
"I need my coffee," Cable muttered plainitively, and went to get his very biggest gun. Why did people always do these things to him?
The Shi'ar Coffee Story