Safeguarded by Arrow00 (Explicit)

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

Fandom: THE SENTINEL
Pairing Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Length 4808 words
Author's Warning none given
Author on LJ: arrow00
Author's website: Her page at AO3 | Summary:
Summary: On ethics, and recovery.

Why this must be read: Because it's an honest look at what Blair's responsibility to Jim (a human research subject) really entailed. Did Blair renounce his research for Jim's benefit? For himself, to put right a wrong so he can live with himself? In under five thousand words, Arrow explores what that press conference meant to both of them. And they're on the cusp of change, and before they can go forward, they need to deal with their past.



* * *

"So what is this, anyway?" Jim opened it and scanned the sheet, then looked up at Blair, his eyes immediately narrowing to guarded blue slits. "'Statement on Ethics'?"

"You need to know," Blair said, throat dry. "You keep acting like it was some big sacrifice—"

Jim held up his hand; he was already reading.

Blair sat in silence and watched.

It seemed that was all he ever did, but this time he was watching purely for himself. If this was it, he was going to watch his fill, observe solely for himself, because now Jim would know the depths of Blair's fuck up—how severely Blair had betrayed the principles of his discipline.

So Blair had these last minutes to look at the chiseled planes of Jim's face, the tempting curves of his mouth, the sad, downward turn at the edges of his clear blue eyes. Blair had spent his life never having the need to really touch, to know anyone in the heart of them, to get too close—he'd always felt a slight pity for people who seemed to crave it so much.

Now he understood all too well, and laughed silently at himself. Poor, poor Blair. So slow to the carnival. Now all the rides had been shut down, and the empty popcorn bags and cotton candy wrappers littered the fairway.

Jim finished reading and looked up. "Why are you giving me this?" A muscle was ticking in Jim's jaw—never a good sign. "You trying to tell me something, here?"

"What? Well, yeah, Jim." Blair spread his hands.

"About the Academy? You were still paying, is that it?"

"What? No! I—"

Jim crushed the sheet of paper with his fist. "Or just that the press conference was your punishment, and not what it looked like?"

"No, no, no—wait, what?"

But Jim was already spinning away, and he tossed the ball of paper aside with a sound of frustration. "You know—things were getting good. Things were almost starting to get real good, here. And I really thought—God! What a fucking idiot—"

"Jim, just hang on a second. Jesus—" Blair charged forward and grabbed a sleeve, and suddenly they were in a weird sort of tussle, with Jim trying to free himself, and Blair using new-found skills—naturally, without thought, eight weeks of physical training coming to the fore—so without realizing it he suddenly had Jim backed up against the support beam in the kitchen, one arm trapped behind him, the other locked between them in Blair's fist.

"Stop it," Blair said, a little breathless. "Whatever you're thinking. Whatever the hell you're thinking at this second. Just quit it, all right? C'mon, man."

Jim stared over his head, his breath coming a little fast, jaw locked.

"Okay, so—number one: the reason I gave that to you, was I wanted you to understand you don't need to walk around feeling so goddamned guilty all the time. I seriously fucked up, all right? And what I did, the press conference, that was my job. That was my duty. Not your fault."


Safeguarded by Arrow00 (Esteefee)