ext_36783 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
stars-inthe-sky.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crack_van2013-06-07 11:40 am
stars-inthe-sky.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2013-06-07 11:40 am
Entry tags:
"Free-Range Hearts" by ratherdance (PG)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Carl Lorthner
Length: ~1600 words
Author on LJ: ratherdance
Author Website: Master List
Why this must be read: Of all the SNL-connected cameos on Parks and Rec, Andy Samberg's is a perpetual favorite. Who didn't want to see more of his outdoor-voiced park range? Therefore, in honor of this very rainy Friday (at least where I am), I give you this laugh-out-loud tale of Carl's rescue of Leslie while she takes over the hummingbird-feeder duty. It's (almost) a shame Ben Wyatt showed up a couple episodes later, huh?
"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Carl bellowed into her ear as he slipped an arm around her shoulders and helped her sit up.
Well now there was a persistent buzzing in her ear, but apart from that and a few scratches, she thought she was.
She'd felt so guilty about Jerry when they'd visited him at the hospital that she'd volunteered for hummingbird feeder duty for a month straight. By this morning, with everything sorted out and in the light of certain revelations, her guilt was almost non-existent and inversely proportional to how little she felt like trekking through Ramsett park. Still, Leslie Knope had given her word. And also Ann had been very clear on how Jerry couldn't be forced into perpetual hummingbird duty as punishment until his shoulder healed, at least. She'd used her most intimidating (and beautiful) nurse's voice, so there was no arguing with that.
And so Leslie had bucked up and undertaken her duty brimming with the spirit, compiling hummingbird-themed mental to-do lists (So far 1. Get a cassette with hummingbird calls and practice them; 2. Ask zoo veterinarian who would win a duel, an armoured hummingbird or a bumblebee with an exploding stinger). But three miles in the sun had started to rise, her attempts at improvised hummingbird calls had gotten her chased by a possum for ten minutes, her pantsuit was dust-mottled up to her knees, and it turned out the perfect balance between smart work shoes and comfy outdoors shoes didn't actually exist. Jean-Ralphio had clearly pulled that one out of the vast airy spaces behind his battlements of hair, and she had been the sap to fall for his charming, deceptively knowledgeable rap about the needs of a modern, empowered woman. So she'd bought the implements of torture currently pinching and scraping at her feet off him.
So yeah, it was partly her fault that she approached the Ramsett badlands area more than a little distracted. But mostly it was Jerry's fault. At least 68%, with an extra 10% heaped on Jean-Ralphio, whose fault it definitely was that her stupid shoes slipped over a perfectly ordinary rock and sent her tumbling down a ditch. As she lay at the bottom of it, the wind knocked out of her, she thought that 22% was an acceptable portion of the blame to take, and then thought that she was pretty certain a rock had punched a hole through her pants on the way down, given the lively airing she was getting on her legs. Then she just moaned and took five minutes to feel sorry about herself.
By the third minute, though, a floppy-haired vision in a cap burst through the heavens, or maybe he only leaned out from the top of the ditch. "LESLIE? LESLIE KNOPE? IS THAT YOU?"
She wasn't exactly sure of that due to severe wooziness, but she was certain the yelling vision in a cap was Carl Lorthner, head of the Park Rangers. Well, at least she wouldn't have to hobble her way back if she ever managed to stand upright again.
"I THOUGHT I SAW A BLONDE FALLING INTO THE DITCH! NEVER THOUGHT IT'D BE YOU! AND THIS ISN'T A BLONDE JOKE, JUST THE OTHER DAY A GINGER GUY FELL IN TOO! THOUGH YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GINGERS!"
Free-Range Hearts
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Carl Lorthner
Length: ~1600 words
Author on LJ: ratherdance
Author Website: Master List
Why this must be read: Of all the SNL-connected cameos on Parks and Rec, Andy Samberg's is a perpetual favorite. Who didn't want to see more of his outdoor-voiced park range? Therefore, in honor of this very rainy Friday (at least where I am), I give you this laugh-out-loud tale of Carl's rescue of Leslie while she takes over the hummingbird-feeder duty. It's (almost) a shame Ben Wyatt showed up a couple episodes later, huh?
"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Carl bellowed into her ear as he slipped an arm around her shoulders and helped her sit up.
Well now there was a persistent buzzing in her ear, but apart from that and a few scratches, she thought she was.
She'd felt so guilty about Jerry when they'd visited him at the hospital that she'd volunteered for hummingbird feeder duty for a month straight. By this morning, with everything sorted out and in the light of certain revelations, her guilt was almost non-existent and inversely proportional to how little she felt like trekking through Ramsett park. Still, Leslie Knope had given her word. And also Ann had been very clear on how Jerry couldn't be forced into perpetual hummingbird duty as punishment until his shoulder healed, at least. She'd used her most intimidating (and beautiful) nurse's voice, so there was no arguing with that.
And so Leslie had bucked up and undertaken her duty brimming with the spirit, compiling hummingbird-themed mental to-do lists (So far 1. Get a cassette with hummingbird calls and practice them; 2. Ask zoo veterinarian who would win a duel, an armoured hummingbird or a bumblebee with an exploding stinger). But three miles in the sun had started to rise, her attempts at improvised hummingbird calls had gotten her chased by a possum for ten minutes, her pantsuit was dust-mottled up to her knees, and it turned out the perfect balance between smart work shoes and comfy outdoors shoes didn't actually exist. Jean-Ralphio had clearly pulled that one out of the vast airy spaces behind his battlements of hair, and she had been the sap to fall for his charming, deceptively knowledgeable rap about the needs of a modern, empowered woman. So she'd bought the implements of torture currently pinching and scraping at her feet off him.
So yeah, it was partly her fault that she approached the Ramsett badlands area more than a little distracted. But mostly it was Jerry's fault. At least 68%, with an extra 10% heaped on Jean-Ralphio, whose fault it definitely was that her stupid shoes slipped over a perfectly ordinary rock and sent her tumbling down a ditch. As she lay at the bottom of it, the wind knocked out of her, she thought that 22% was an acceptable portion of the blame to take, and then thought that she was pretty certain a rock had punched a hole through her pants on the way down, given the lively airing she was getting on her legs. Then she just moaned and took five minutes to feel sorry about herself.
By the third minute, though, a floppy-haired vision in a cap burst through the heavens, or maybe he only leaned out from the top of the ditch. "LESLIE? LESLIE KNOPE? IS THAT YOU?"
She wasn't exactly sure of that due to severe wooziness, but she was certain the yelling vision in a cap was Carl Lorthner, head of the Park Rangers. Well, at least she wouldn't have to hobble her way back if she ever managed to stand upright again.
"I THOUGHT I SAW A BLONDE FALLING INTO THE DITCH! NEVER THOUGHT IT'D BE YOU! AND THIS ISN'T A BLONDE JOKE, JUST THE OTHER DAY A GINGER GUY FELL IN TOO! THOUGH YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GINGERS!"
Free-Range Hearts