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crack_van2013-06-07 11:57 am
stars-inthe-sky.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2013-06-07 11:57 am
Entry tags:
"Brandi Maxxxx's Masterpiece" by stillscape (NC-17)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: ...various?
Length: 7,900 words
Author on LJ: stillscape
Author Website: Master List
Why this must be read: If you're new to the Parksverse, you may not have met Pawnee's resident porn star or come to understand her feelings of sisterhood with a certain Ms. Knope. Inspired by a crack theory that Brandi was running for City Council alongside Leslie as research for a film, this fic is easily the most hilarious and well-thought-out exploration of the adult film industry, method acting, and actual Parks canon that I can imagine, from start to finish. If you don't think that the debate speech "Leelee" makes is pretty much the best thing ever, I don't know what do you with you.
(That this premise basically became canon in Season 5's "Bailout" is just icing on a very, very sexy cake.)
Women had to stick together. That was one of the first things she’d learned about the world, period, and it applied tenfold to the adult film industry. And really, everything she learned about the adult film industry applied to life. Women had to stick together, because together, women could do anything—like control men using their collective sexuality, for a start. A great rack could take you a long way, if you knew how to use it.
As soon as Brandi laid eyes on that centaur painting, she knew Leslie Knope understood.
She couldn’t get the painting out of her mind, that night. Just soaked in her bubble bath, with her usual flute of champagne, like she always did, and contemplated the meaning of being a woman in contemporary society.
Then she got out of the tub, and set about learning her lines for tomorrow’s film. She would be playing a bored housewife who developed a taste for sushi, and fell for the local sushi chef. Fine. The sex would happen on the sushi bar. Hmm. Someone would be licking salmon roe off of her, and she could see that; she could see how the size, shape, and color of the roe lent itself to being mistaken for a particular part of a lady’s anatomy.
It seemed so unoriginal, though.
Brandi set the script aside, wondering if she could do better. She was smart; she could write.
Leslie Knope would, she knew, tell her to find a great idea and run with it.
She just had to wait for inspiration.
The next day on set, she was struck by a revelation. Whoever had written this script had probably just been eating sushi, and realized they could make an adult film out of it. Whoever had written this script had been inspired by everyday life.
Well, Brandi could do that.
So she did. She went home that night and made a list of all the things she did in her everyday life. Showering. Going to the grocery store. Getting her nails done. Taking her dog, Pixxxxie Princess, to the groomer. Going to the gynecologist. She came up with pages and pages of ideas.
That was the beginning. She began writing her own scripts, and producing them, too.
She felt empowered.
Months and months and hundreds and hundreds of adult films later, Brandi got inspired again. She got inspired by Leslie Knope.
Leslie didn’t know it, of course, but Brandi was sure she would approve. Anyone would be flattered to have their sex scandal immortalized on film. Well, digital video. Same difference, though.
This film, in particular, was something Brandi wanted to do right. Leslie deserved that much. Research was in order, definitely. The ethics trial was a matter of public record, so she started there. She spent hours poring over the transcript and the newspaper articles. She emailed Perd Hapley for a favor, and received the tapes from several relevant episodes of Ya Heard?. She studied those too.
And since all her films were based on books, she picked up a copy of Leslie’s own book. It was a love letter to Pawnee. That was sweet.
Finally, after two whole weeks of investigating Leslie Knope’s sex life in between shoots, Brandi felt ready.
It was amazing, when she finally started putting pen to paper—or manicured acrylic tips to keyboard, more accurately—how easily the words came to her.
She really felt a sense of solidarity with Leslie Knope.
Brandi Maxxxx's Masterpiece
Pairing: ...various?
Length: 7,900 words
Author on LJ: stillscape
Author Website: Master List
Why this must be read: If you're new to the Parksverse, you may not have met Pawnee's resident porn star or come to understand her feelings of sisterhood with a certain Ms. Knope. Inspired by a crack theory that Brandi was running for City Council alongside Leslie as research for a film, this fic is easily the most hilarious and well-thought-out exploration of the adult film industry, method acting, and actual Parks canon that I can imagine, from start to finish. If you don't think that the debate speech "Leelee" makes is pretty much the best thing ever, I don't know what do you with you.
(That this premise basically became canon in Season 5's "Bailout" is just icing on a very, very sexy cake.)
Women had to stick together. That was one of the first things she’d learned about the world, period, and it applied tenfold to the adult film industry. And really, everything she learned about the adult film industry applied to life. Women had to stick together, because together, women could do anything—like control men using their collective sexuality, for a start. A great rack could take you a long way, if you knew how to use it.
As soon as Brandi laid eyes on that centaur painting, she knew Leslie Knope understood.
She couldn’t get the painting out of her mind, that night. Just soaked in her bubble bath, with her usual flute of champagne, like she always did, and contemplated the meaning of being a woman in contemporary society.
Then she got out of the tub, and set about learning her lines for tomorrow’s film. She would be playing a bored housewife who developed a taste for sushi, and fell for the local sushi chef. Fine. The sex would happen on the sushi bar. Hmm. Someone would be licking salmon roe off of her, and she could see that; she could see how the size, shape, and color of the roe lent itself to being mistaken for a particular part of a lady’s anatomy.
It seemed so unoriginal, though.
Brandi set the script aside, wondering if she could do better. She was smart; she could write.
Leslie Knope would, she knew, tell her to find a great idea and run with it.
She just had to wait for inspiration.
The next day on set, she was struck by a revelation. Whoever had written this script had probably just been eating sushi, and realized they could make an adult film out of it. Whoever had written this script had been inspired by everyday life.
Well, Brandi could do that.
So she did. She went home that night and made a list of all the things she did in her everyday life. Showering. Going to the grocery store. Getting her nails done. Taking her dog, Pixxxxie Princess, to the groomer. Going to the gynecologist. She came up with pages and pages of ideas.
That was the beginning. She began writing her own scripts, and producing them, too.
She felt empowered.
Months and months and hundreds and hundreds of adult films later, Brandi got inspired again. She got inspired by Leslie Knope.
Leslie didn’t know it, of course, but Brandi was sure she would approve. Anyone would be flattered to have their sex scandal immortalized on film. Well, digital video. Same difference, though.
This film, in particular, was something Brandi wanted to do right. Leslie deserved that much. Research was in order, definitely. The ethics trial was a matter of public record, so she started there. She spent hours poring over the transcript and the newspaper articles. She emailed Perd Hapley for a favor, and received the tapes from several relevant episodes of Ya Heard?. She studied those too.
And since all her films were based on books, she picked up a copy of Leslie’s own book. It was a love letter to Pawnee. That was sweet.
Finally, after two whole weeks of investigating Leslie Knope’s sex life in between shoots, Brandi felt ready.
It was amazing, when she finally started putting pen to paper—or manicured acrylic tips to keyboard, more accurately—how easily the words came to her.
She really felt a sense of solidarity with Leslie Knope.
Brandi Maxxxx's Masterpiece