The Visitors by Sheldrake (R)

[vissy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: LOTRIPS
Pairings: Viggo/Sean Bean
Author on LJ: sheldrake
Author Website: shelfic
Why this must be read: In a very Viggo-ish turn of events, he finds himself carted off by a pack of immensely polite aliens who probe his relationship with Sean Bean. The description is surreal in its utter normalcy and the dialogue is perfectly, hysterically paced to create a gem of understated fun.

"Mr Mortensen?"

"Yes."

"Mr Viggo Mortensen?"

"Yes, speaking."

"Ah, Mr Mortensen. It is so wonderful to speak with you. We were wondering... that is, there are many of us here who would like to meet you in person. We have questions we should like to ask you."

Oh, great. Really great. How did these people get hold of his personal number, anyway?

"Listen, that's so kind of you, honestly, I'm very flattered. Maybe if you could speak to my agent... Do you have her number at all? It's just that usually these things go through her..."

"We are just outside, Mr Mortensen."

"Sorry?"

"If you would simply rotate your head approximately twenty degrees to your left, you will be able to see..."

"Shit!" Viggo had followed these instructions, and then proceeded to throw coffee all over a rather nice hand-woven Peruvian rug. Outside on the deck, where he'd been standing just a few minutes before, were five very odd-looking people. In fact, he wasn't sure 'people' was quite the right word. But they were certainly odd-looking. Tall. Spindly. Very spindly. Long spindly arms and legs, long spindly fingers. Generally a whole lot of length and spindliness going on there. Also grey. And their heads were triangular. And they had enormous eyes and their noses were virtually nonexistent. They were aliens, of course. Viggo knew an alien when he saw one. He'd seen The X-Files. One of them reached out a long, spindly arm, folded its long, spindly fingers into a loose fist, and tapped gently on the sliding glass door.

Well, what could he do? Viggo went over to speak to them.

The Visitors