The Very Secret Livejournals, by Arrmaitee (R)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_outercourse/]

Fandom: HARRY POTTER
Author on LJ: arrmaitee
Author Website: Arrmaitee's Harry Potter Parody Archive
Pairing: Difficult to tell, really. Everyone's a horny bastard
Warning: Parody/Crack-ish
Why this must be read:

Because it is, quite simply, one of the best things to happen to this fandom. Hilarious, poking fun at Cassandra Claire's Very Secret LoTR Diaries, this story depicts Harry's first year at Hogwarts, and everyone's secret rants in their public web blogs. Arrmaitee is one of the funniest writers in the HP fandom, and considering the sheer amount of angst and "D:" in those lovely books, he's really to be appreciated.


SUMMARY:
"These raunchy journal entries expose the burning, secret thoughts and desires of Hogwarts’ sex-crazed students and staff! Warning: contains excessive references to Harry’s eyes, Draco’s cherry, Wood’s panties, Vaseline, rope, cold showers, kinky leather goodies, and a virgin sacrifice for Uncle Voldie!"

From Ch. 2, Draco Malfoy's LJ:

POST 1: Father wouldn’t let me wear leather to Diagon Alley.
Threatened to tell Mum about his hanky panky with Professor Snape.
Wore leather to Diagon Alley.
Threatened to tell Mum about his hanky panky with Dumbledore.
Got new leather wardrobe and matching racing broom.
Threatened to tell Mum about his hanky panky with Uncle Voldie.
Got the charge card.
Cherry update: still intact.

Current Mood: Manipulative

Comment: Cherry update?
- Crabbe

Comment: Uh, I think he means that a well oiled phallus hasn’t penetrated
the terminal orifice of his alimentary canal.
- Goyle

Comment: Huh?
- Crabbe

Comment: I mean… that he hasn’t lost his virginity.
- Goyle

Comment: Huh?
- Crabbe

Comment: Remember when I made you scream real loud?
- Goyle



Enjoy!
The Very Secret Livejournals