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crack_van2007-07-29 11:29 pm
bubbleforest.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2007-07-29 11:29 pm
Return by Lucy (NC-17)
Fandom: POPSLASH
Pairing: AJ/Brian
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lucylooo
Author Website: Boy Toys
Why this must be read: This was originally a part in a series that never got finished, but I think it stands well enough on its own. What I love most about this story is that no one is perfect in it. While Kevin acts less than stellar in this, it's not because he's made out to be a bad person, but because he's human and he doesn't see the bigger picture. AJ's issues are dealt with so realistically here that I almost catch myself wondering if this is how it really was for him. The whole thing is a trainwreck, and it hurts, but there's a bright spot in the end when Brian comes along and gives AJ what he needs. There's so much going on that never gets said and I'm always so impressed when writers can pull that off.
He wasn't going to cry. AJ told himself that all the way down the hall, patting his pockets down for the key, panicking when he thought for a moment that he'd dropped it in Kevin's room during the struggle. No _way_ was he going back there to humiliate himself some more. He'd go down and get a duplicate copy from the front desk, or sleep in the hallway first - and whatever the case, he was _not_ going to cry.
He found the key, but couldn't fit it in the lock, vision blurred with anger and shame. Finally, frustrated, he banged on the door, willing it to open. A door across the hallway opened up, instead. AJ didn't turn around.
"AJ," Brian said, softly, from right behind him.
AJ closed his eyes, head resting against the door. There were little shards of pain inside his chest, he could feel them. He didn't want to feel them. That was what the alcohol and the drugs had been for - he obviously hadn't had enough of them.
"AJ," Brian said, again, pleading.
AJ turned around, but he didn't look at Brian. He looked at the opposite wall, at the peeling wallpaper, at the thumbnail scratches on the door jam. Not at Brian.
Brian touched him, one hand cupping AJ's chin, thumb grazing over his jaw, which was flexed tight as AJ fought to hold on. "AJ," Brian said again, taking off his sunglasses.
AJ closed his eyes, wondering how something could hurt so much and feel like nothing all at the same time.
Brian pried the key out of his clenched fist, and unlocked the door. He pulled AJ forward a little, so his entire body weight wasn't resting there, and then pushed the door open, propelling AJ back into the darkened room. He didn't turn the light on.
"What happened?" Brian asked.
"Nothing," AJ said, and it was the truth. Nothing happened. Nothing had ever happened.
They sat on the bed, in the dark, for a long time. AJ felt like his chest was collapsing from the inside out, and couldn't quite believe that he was still breathing normally. It should have been harsh, it should have hurt, but it didn't. It was just more of that empty nothingness. When Brian put his arm around AJ's shoulders, AJ said, dully, "You don't have to."
Return
Pairing: AJ/Brian
Author on LJ:
lucyloooAuthor Website: Boy Toys
Why this must be read: This was originally a part in a series that never got finished, but I think it stands well enough on its own. What I love most about this story is that no one is perfect in it. While Kevin acts less than stellar in this, it's not because he's made out to be a bad person, but because he's human and he doesn't see the bigger picture. AJ's issues are dealt with so realistically here that I almost catch myself wondering if this is how it really was for him. The whole thing is a trainwreck, and it hurts, but there's a bright spot in the end when Brian comes along and gives AJ what he needs. There's so much going on that never gets said and I'm always so impressed when writers can pull that off.
He wasn't going to cry. AJ told himself that all the way down the hall, patting his pockets down for the key, panicking when he thought for a moment that he'd dropped it in Kevin's room during the struggle. No _way_ was he going back there to humiliate himself some more. He'd go down and get a duplicate copy from the front desk, or sleep in the hallway first - and whatever the case, he was _not_ going to cry.
He found the key, but couldn't fit it in the lock, vision blurred with anger and shame. Finally, frustrated, he banged on the door, willing it to open. A door across the hallway opened up, instead. AJ didn't turn around.
"AJ," Brian said, softly, from right behind him.
AJ closed his eyes, head resting against the door. There were little shards of pain inside his chest, he could feel them. He didn't want to feel them. That was what the alcohol and the drugs had been for - he obviously hadn't had enough of them.
"AJ," Brian said, again, pleading.
AJ turned around, but he didn't look at Brian. He looked at the opposite wall, at the peeling wallpaper, at the thumbnail scratches on the door jam. Not at Brian.
Brian touched him, one hand cupping AJ's chin, thumb grazing over his jaw, which was flexed tight as AJ fought to hold on. "AJ," Brian said again, taking off his sunglasses.
AJ closed his eyes, wondering how something could hurt so much and feel like nothing all at the same time.
Brian pried the key out of his clenched fist, and unlocked the door. He pulled AJ forward a little, so his entire body weight wasn't resting there, and then pushed the door open, propelling AJ back into the darkened room. He didn't turn the light on.
"What happened?" Brian asked.
"Nothing," AJ said, and it was the truth. Nothing happened. Nothing had ever happened.
They sat on the bed, in the dark, for a long time. AJ felt like his chest was collapsing from the inside out, and couldn't quite believe that he was still breathing normally. It should have been harsh, it should have hurt, but it didn't. It was just more of that empty nothingness. When Brian put his arm around AJ's shoulders, AJ said, dully, "You don't have to."
Return