UNDESERVING by Monikki (I think R)

[nickygabriel]

Fandom: STARSKY & HUTCH
Pairing: none
Length: 116k
Author on LJ: not known
Author Website: HERE
Why this must be read:

Again the only story written by that author. Starsky was kidnapped and Hutch is looking for him, but this time Starsky does not want to be found. Not by Hutch. It's a tale about wrong decisions and their consequences. About guilt and forgiveness. And love, what else?

Starsky shrugged away from Hutch's touch, but Hutch held on. "I won't leave, Starsky. You aren't cursed." Hutch was pleading with Starsky.

"I won't risk it. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Hutch could understand Starsky's feelings, he often shared them too, but he needed Starsky to understand the depth of his friendship and how far he was willing to go for his partner.

"Starsky, look at me," Hutch waited until those deep blue eyes locked with his own. He grabbed Starsky's arm and continued.

"You are the most important person in the world to me. I have never felt as close and secure with anyone, ever. You cannot shut me out. That is not fair to me or yourself. You're not responsible for the loss of the people you have loved in the past. It's not right and it's not fair. You have had to live with your share of pain and heartache over the years. I really don't know how you do it, but you always do." Hutch could see more tears welling in Starsky's eyes.

Hutch squeezed Starsky's arm, "You will never be responsible for anything that happens to me because you don't understand. I would walk through the depths of hell for you." Hutch took a deep breath. "If someone was to walk through that door right now with a gun pointed at me and made me chose my life or yours, I would chose yours. I would lay down my life for you." Hutch thought he might be getting through to Starsky. "If, God forbid, anything was to ever happen, and I was to go first because I sacrificed for you. You better damn-well feel love and not guilt, Starsk, because that is what it would be. And if you ever ate yourself up and gave-up because of me, my ghost would come back and kick your ass. Do you understand me?"

Undeserving