Writing Truth in Blue, by pecos (R)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: TORCHWOOD
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Length: 33,000 words
Warnings: Angst, H/C, discussion of drug use and suicide
Author on LJ: pecos
Author Website: Chimerafic
Why this must be read:

pecos is better known as a LoTRiPS writer, but lately she’s been dabbling in Torchwood. In this story, set shortly after “Countrycide,” she presents her version of how Ianto Jones evolved from a pathetic woobie* dogsbody to the snarky, scarily competent operative of season two — or rather, how his colleagues’ perceptions of him began shifting from the former to the latter. As Jack discovers, Lisa was neither the first nor the worst of Ianto’s secrets...

Letter to myself, Ianto Jones:

If you’re reading this it’s because I have had some warning that I’m going to be ret-conned. Your memory will have been affected, possibly for a few days, but probably going back years. You might not have any idea who you are and where you’ve been. There is probably going to be a reasonable explanation for what’s happened to you, but you have to trust me that this is a lie.

This is a lie, as is everything you think has happened. It has been created by the people who have done this to you – to your memory.

I am telling myself the absolute Blue truth. You have to believe me. You must remember at least one of these things:

Wall-paper with sailboats
The cross that fell off the mantle
Smell of almond tea and biscuits shaped like windmills
Tain’s whiskers and his booming laugh
The strawberries in the garden
Mam’s hands twisting her hair
The knothole shaped like an eye
Stepping on the bee and watching it die in your hand
Canary Wharf burning
Pterodactyl
Lisa

Do not fight them. Do not blame the people who have created the lies. They are not your enemies. They have chosen to wipe your memory instead of killing you outright. They have done this with intentions of saving your life.

But I am telling myself the truth. Blue truth.

You have been chosen to survive. This is meant to be kind. But you do not deserve kindness. You deserved to die.

The things you have done, the things you have seen, they must end. Blue truth. Forgetting is not justice. You have been responsible for the deaths of others. You may have been forgiven, but I do not forgive you. I do not forgive myself.

Speaking of Jack, I particularly like the way pecos shows him interacting with an Ianto who is willing, but not as well informed as he thinks he is.

Ianto stood in front of the sink, trying to pick out shards of an aftershave bottle while reading the packaging on a small bottle labeled RUSH. Jack recognized it instantly as a popular brand of popper, frequently found in gay clubs. Ianto jumped as Jack enveloped him from behind, closing his hand over the one holding the bottle.

“You don’t need that.”

“I, uh, Owen said….”

“Since when do we listen to Owen?”

Writing Truth in Blue (first chapter; each installment links to the next)

* In the version of this fic posted on the author’s journal, chapter 9 has a brief prologue titled “Definition of a Woobie,” which reads in part:

Woobies are creatures of infinite patience and wisdom, who have a nature at once deceptively strong and resiliently fragile. Woobies have unusual restorative powers, evolved to compensate for the many, many times that the cruel and unusual universe unthinkingly heaps pain after pain upon them. And because of their wisdom, this extensive experience with suffering, and their deft powers of perception, woobies are, of course, always right...

Surprisingly, woobies are extremely tasty when grilled with a citrus marinade.