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crack_van2009-08-17 11:25 am
sandystarr88.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2009-08-17 11:25 am
Entry tags:
Split Infinities by Eryninn (T)
Fandom: STAR WARS
Pairing: Anakin/Obi-Wan, Anakin/Padmé
Length: 37,376
Author on LJ:![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
eryn_skynobi
Author Website: Profile at FF.net
Why this must be read:
Because this story shows Anakin Skywalker finally telling the truth to Obi-Wan about everything that has happened in the last few years, and accepting that his marriage to Padmé and his status as a Jedi Knight are two things that are just not compatible; Anakin has to make a choice once and for all. While most authors would spend a chapter, tops, with Anakin deciding to either leave the Jedi Order or break off things with Padmé,eryn_skynobi understands how difficult a decision this really is and shows it with her characterizations of Anakin, Padmé, and Obi-Wan throughout the fic.
Sighing, he yielded. “All right, Anakin, you’ve made your point.”
“Have I? Really?” he asked, doubtfully. Then his eyes twinkled, “So, you’ll take better care of yourself on missions and go see a healer whenever you get an injury?”
“I didn’t say that,” he said, face hidden momentarily in shadow as he leaned forward to pick up a piece of toast. Chewing on it momentarily, he cleared his throat, “Anakin, not that I mind you being here because I do not for I have grown rather accustomed to having you around, but why are you here?”
Silence reigned momentarily. Anakin picked at his food for a moment, unable to look over at Obi-Wan as he said the damning words. “Padmé’s pregnant.”
“I see,” he quietly said, putting the toast down. Suddenly, he was even less hungry than he had been-and since he hadn’t been hungry in the first place, that probably didn’t mean anything.
“There’s more.”
“More?” Obi-Wan repeated, mind struggling to take in this already rather stunning news. A suspicion formed in his mind and he drew in a deep breath, pleading with the Force for help in retaining control over himself as he processed this revelation-and the meaning behind it. And what it meant, not only to him, but to his friend as well. Calmed, he asked, “Anakin, is the baby yours?”
“Yes.”
“I see,” he said again, not knowing what else to say. His hands dropped into his lap where his fingers restlessly twitched, unable to be still for even a moment. “And what do you intend to do about it?”
“Wait, before you say anything else, Master. There’s something else you should know about the situation between me and Padmé.” He bit his lip, sucking a little on the blood that rushed quickly to heal the wound. Suddenly, the food seemed a great deal less appealing than it had before. He idly traced patterns on the smooth, brown surface of the table.
Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly let out the breath he’d been holding. This was not something he wished to hear, he knew that it was something he did not want to know about at all. Deep inside, he was aware of a voice screaming at him to silence Anakin, to not let him speak. But he could not ignore his friend’s pain.
Composed once again, he looked at Anakin, “All right. What else?”
Pushing the plate aside, Anakin rose and walked to the window, staring out at the morning sky. “I married her after Geonosis.”
“You did?” It sounded like a question-but it was anything but one.
“Yes,” Anakin answered it anyway. “And…I dreamed that she was dying.”
“Dying,” Obi-Wan stated, rising to join him.
“Yes,” he whispered, unable to meet his eyes even in the reflection of the window. “In childbirth, in a great deal of pain.”
“Anakin, you do realize that women have not died giving birth to a child in years.” He winced at the slightly condescending sound of his words but could do nothing about it now that they had been spoken. Nothing except hope that Anakin could read what wasn’t being said by him-as he always did.
“Yes, Master. But I know what I saw in my dream. What I felt-and it was not just the normal pangs of a woman giving birth. It was the feel of death-I’ve known death to much over the past few years to mistake it for anything else.” Then, before he could contain them, he bitterly spat out at him.
“I also know that Tusken Raiders have been ravaging moisture farms for years-but they chose to take my mom and kill her-just like I dreamed. I dreamed it and it happened. They tortured her and they killed her, Master. The dream did not pass away, it did not fade away like you said it would. It came true. I can’t let the same thing happen to my own wife!” For a moment, his anger at his Master for refusing to let him go held sway over him and he let it out, tearing into his friend cruelly.
“Why are you telling me this?” Obi-Wan asked, arms wrapped tightly about himself, trying to ward off the blows of bitter disappointment at these words of recrimination, of anger towards him. But it was more than that. The fierce blows of a soul deep friendship that seemed to be falling to pieces in the face of this deception of Anakin’s hit him, clawing into his soul and refusing to leave easily. Struggling to push his own selfish needs out of it, he focused on his suffering beloved.
“Because you are my friend and I thought that, for once, you could set aside your Jedi principles and help me,” he said, adding bitterly. “I thought wrong.”
Disappointment weighed heavily in his words and he turned away, not wanting to be in the room he loved with the one he felt most at home with any longer. He couldn’t help but feel as though he’d been judged and rejected by Obi-Wan. All he wanted to do now was escape from this room that had been his sanctuary, his refuge from the troubles that raged outside the doors.
He felt trapped, encased in a small place of safety and security, frightened by what lay beyond that tiny room. That tiny room that represented all he knew and beyond it was the great unknown. It was a place he didn’t want to step out into.
And yet, he had to do it if Obi-Wan rejected him in truth.
“Anakin,” he quietly replied, his voice stopping Anakin. “I have not decided against helping you-nor will I. You have come to me, trusting me with a very painful secret, and I shall do whatever it takes to help you.”
He held up a hand to silence Anakin, knowing that he wished to speak but he was not finished just yet. “But you must know that you can no longer be both a Jedi and a married man. Your child needs to have a full time parent for you and I know that Senator Amidala will not give up her career in the Senate. Nor is it right that this child have a father who is away in the midst of a bloody, horrific war in which there is doubt that you will return. It is not right that your child live with the constant uncertainty of these thoughts. It was not fair of you to place that kind of strain upon Senator Amidala. But Padmé is a consenting adult and made this decision on her own. Your child is not. By trying to live in both worlds, be a Jedi and a husband…I cannot even describe how appalling I find it that you would be so self-centered. The actions of the both of you in this have been extremely selfish, neither of you have given one thought to what these actions would do to those you care for-and to yourselves.”
It was painful to hear the words Obi-Wan spoke, Anakin wished to reject them. They hurt him deeply, making him angry at the truthfulness of them. They twisted inside him, cutting off his ability to breath, preventing him from screaming his rage and hurt out at him. Preventing him from raging against the unfairness of his speech, how he could not truly judge Anakin’s actions and decisions for he did not know Anakin's mind.
Yet, he could not do anything of the kind for they were spoken out of love and concern for him. He could feel it living in the very air about them, coursing about them, quietly caressing his fevered heart and mind-and still, he wished for more from Obi-Wan.
Far more than a mere whispered touch, a quiet word that said so much in silence.
Pairing: Anakin/Obi-Wan, Anakin/Padmé
Length: 37,376
Author on LJ:
eryn_skynobiAuthor Website: Profile at FF.net
Why this must be read:
Because this story shows Anakin Skywalker finally telling the truth to Obi-Wan about everything that has happened in the last few years, and accepting that his marriage to Padmé and his status as a Jedi Knight are two things that are just not compatible; Anakin has to make a choice once and for all. While most authors would spend a chapter, tops, with Anakin deciding to either leave the Jedi Order or break off things with Padmé,
eryn_skynobi understands how difficult a decision this really is and shows it with her characterizations of Anakin, Padmé, and Obi-Wan throughout the fic. Sighing, he yielded. “All right, Anakin, you’ve made your point.”
“Have I? Really?” he asked, doubtfully. Then his eyes twinkled, “So, you’ll take better care of yourself on missions and go see a healer whenever you get an injury?”
“I didn’t say that,” he said, face hidden momentarily in shadow as he leaned forward to pick up a piece of toast. Chewing on it momentarily, he cleared his throat, “Anakin, not that I mind you being here because I do not for I have grown rather accustomed to having you around, but why are you here?”
Silence reigned momentarily. Anakin picked at his food for a moment, unable to look over at Obi-Wan as he said the damning words. “Padmé’s pregnant.”
“I see,” he quietly said, putting the toast down. Suddenly, he was even less hungry than he had been-and since he hadn’t been hungry in the first place, that probably didn’t mean anything.
“There’s more.”
“More?” Obi-Wan repeated, mind struggling to take in this already rather stunning news. A suspicion formed in his mind and he drew in a deep breath, pleading with the Force for help in retaining control over himself as he processed this revelation-and the meaning behind it. And what it meant, not only to him, but to his friend as well. Calmed, he asked, “Anakin, is the baby yours?”
“Yes.”
“I see,” he said again, not knowing what else to say. His hands dropped into his lap where his fingers restlessly twitched, unable to be still for even a moment. “And what do you intend to do about it?”
“Wait, before you say anything else, Master. There’s something else you should know about the situation between me and Padmé.” He bit his lip, sucking a little on the blood that rushed quickly to heal the wound. Suddenly, the food seemed a great deal less appealing than it had before. He idly traced patterns on the smooth, brown surface of the table.
Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly let out the breath he’d been holding. This was not something he wished to hear, he knew that it was something he did not want to know about at all. Deep inside, he was aware of a voice screaming at him to silence Anakin, to not let him speak. But he could not ignore his friend’s pain.
Composed once again, he looked at Anakin, “All right. What else?”
Pushing the plate aside, Anakin rose and walked to the window, staring out at the morning sky. “I married her after Geonosis.”
“You did?” It sounded like a question-but it was anything but one.
“Yes,” Anakin answered it anyway. “And…I dreamed that she was dying.”
“Dying,” Obi-Wan stated, rising to join him.
“Yes,” he whispered, unable to meet his eyes even in the reflection of the window. “In childbirth, in a great deal of pain.”
“Anakin, you do realize that women have not died giving birth to a child in years.” He winced at the slightly condescending sound of his words but could do nothing about it now that they had been spoken. Nothing except hope that Anakin could read what wasn’t being said by him-as he always did.
“Yes, Master. But I know what I saw in my dream. What I felt-and it was not just the normal pangs of a woman giving birth. It was the feel of death-I’ve known death to much over the past few years to mistake it for anything else.” Then, before he could contain them, he bitterly spat out at him.
“I also know that Tusken Raiders have been ravaging moisture farms for years-but they chose to take my mom and kill her-just like I dreamed. I dreamed it and it happened. They tortured her and they killed her, Master. The dream did not pass away, it did not fade away like you said it would. It came true. I can’t let the same thing happen to my own wife!” For a moment, his anger at his Master for refusing to let him go held sway over him and he let it out, tearing into his friend cruelly.
“Why are you telling me this?” Obi-Wan asked, arms wrapped tightly about himself, trying to ward off the blows of bitter disappointment at these words of recrimination, of anger towards him. But it was more than that. The fierce blows of a soul deep friendship that seemed to be falling to pieces in the face of this deception of Anakin’s hit him, clawing into his soul and refusing to leave easily. Struggling to push his own selfish needs out of it, he focused on his suffering beloved.
“Because you are my friend and I thought that, for once, you could set aside your Jedi principles and help me,” he said, adding bitterly. “I thought wrong.”
Disappointment weighed heavily in his words and he turned away, not wanting to be in the room he loved with the one he felt most at home with any longer. He couldn’t help but feel as though he’d been judged and rejected by Obi-Wan. All he wanted to do now was escape from this room that had been his sanctuary, his refuge from the troubles that raged outside the doors.
He felt trapped, encased in a small place of safety and security, frightened by what lay beyond that tiny room. That tiny room that represented all he knew and beyond it was the great unknown. It was a place he didn’t want to step out into.
And yet, he had to do it if Obi-Wan rejected him in truth.
“Anakin,” he quietly replied, his voice stopping Anakin. “I have not decided against helping you-nor will I. You have come to me, trusting me with a very painful secret, and I shall do whatever it takes to help you.”
He held up a hand to silence Anakin, knowing that he wished to speak but he was not finished just yet. “But you must know that you can no longer be both a Jedi and a married man. Your child needs to have a full time parent for you and I know that Senator Amidala will not give up her career in the Senate. Nor is it right that this child have a father who is away in the midst of a bloody, horrific war in which there is doubt that you will return. It is not right that your child live with the constant uncertainty of these thoughts. It was not fair of you to place that kind of strain upon Senator Amidala. But Padmé is a consenting adult and made this decision on her own. Your child is not. By trying to live in both worlds, be a Jedi and a husband…I cannot even describe how appalling I find it that you would be so self-centered. The actions of the both of you in this have been extremely selfish, neither of you have given one thought to what these actions would do to those you care for-and to yourselves.”
It was painful to hear the words Obi-Wan spoke, Anakin wished to reject them. They hurt him deeply, making him angry at the truthfulness of them. They twisted inside him, cutting off his ability to breath, preventing him from screaming his rage and hurt out at him. Preventing him from raging against the unfairness of his speech, how he could not truly judge Anakin’s actions and decisions for he did not know Anakin's mind.
Yet, he could not do anything of the kind for they were spoken out of love and concern for him. He could feel it living in the very air about them, coursing about them, quietly caressing his fevered heart and mind-and still, he wished for more from Obi-Wan.
Far more than a mere whispered touch, a quiet word that said so much in silence.