crack_van | Exposed Spaces by lunasky (NC-17)

Fandom:ALIAS
Pairing: Sydney / Sark
Author on LJ:

lunasky
Author Website: n/a
Why this must be read:

This sequel to Enclosed Places completes the journey which Sydney and Sark began during their pivotal experience in captivity. Told through Sydney's POV, we see Syd finally reach her breaking point, where she must decide how to give up her tightly held control, break the spy cycle, and learn to live life.

I’m sitting curled up on my sofa luxuriating in how soft it feels against my back. I can see the sun rising through the windows as I take a sip of my bitter coffee.

As I allow myself to feel human again.

It’s strange though. The bright orange rays of sunlight shining through my windows seem almost a little too orange. And the freshly-brewed coffee I'm drinking seems almost a little too bitter. The couch that I can feel along my back – it is almost a little too soft.

But I am so glad that I am alone for the moment. The last two days have been almost overwhelming. It’s like my life now has taken on a surreal quality. Back in confinement, everything was black. There was no escaping the reality of the situation. There were no distractions; there was no relief from its starkness. During those three weeks, I would have given anything for a sip of coffee, a pillow to sleep on or a glimpse of daylight. But now, for some reason they seem almost a little too much for me.

It’s like there are too many distractions for me now.

But I know that I can’t push my inner turmoil aside. I won’t let me. I need to think on it and come to some kind of resolution with myself. Because at the moment it feels like my life is split in two. And more so than it was before.

Before I had my real life working with the CIA and then my double life working for SD-6.

Now, there is my life before captivity and after it. I can't avoid the effect of my thoughts and actions while locked away with Sark, but people expect me to carry on like it never happened. Like my life beforehand is that easy to return to.

Maybe it’s because people think that I am used to splitting my focus. They think that I am used to living two lives and so now that I am back, I should be able to carry on easily. My life during captivity has no bearing on my real one. My other life is always a lie.

But the problem is that I am not really sure which life is real now, and which one is a lie. I know something inside me has changed - but it’s not what everybody is worried about. I still hate Sloane, I still despise SD-6. I am still loyal to the CIA. These things still hold true.

But there has been a shift in my perceptions. A month ago, Sark was my enemy. Now he’s my lover. Something inside of me must have changed.

Even though the word lover feels like a cancer in my thoughts, I force myself to acknowledge the truth.

But was I wrong before, or am I wrong now?

And is my life now split into fourths?

Exposed Spaces

Exposed Spaces by lunasky (NC-17)

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