Jane Eyre vs. The Mighty Boosh, by maestro1123 (PG-13)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: THE MIGHTY BOOSH/JANE EYRE
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Length: 24.5k words
Warnings: Spoilers for Jane Eyre
Author on LJ: maestro1123
Author Website: The Pinstriped Emos on MySpace
Why this must be read:

Chapter One: In which Miss Noiyre arrives at Thornfield, blowjobs are mentioned, and the housekeeper has a problem with unsightly facial hair.

Reader, I married him.

Oh shit, wait — that comes later. Let me start over.

The opening lines make it clear that this fic is a witty, cheerfully anachronistic homage to Charlotte Brontë’s classic tale of mystery and romance. “Vince Noiyre” is a gender-bending male governess (“jobs are scarce enough for an electro-ponce-slash-classic-frontman”) who brings a lot of baggage — literal and metaphorical — to Thornfield, where he meets the brooding, riding-crop-wielding master of the house, “Howard Moonchester”; a hirsute housekeeper, Bollo; and his charge, Naboo, who is less interested in his lessons than in gaining access to whoever — or whatever — is kept locked up in the attic.

maestro1123 does justice to both the plot of Jane Eyre and the personalities of the Boosh characters. Take, for example, her version of the scene where the lovelorn governess draws a self-portrait and the likeness of an apparent rival for the master’s affections.

I draw, as best I can, a picture of Mrs Gideon, as pretty as possible. As much as I want to be brutal, I force myself to be kind, I even make her nose a bit smaller, her neck a bit longer, smooth out some of those wrinkles. When I’m done, I have a perfect picture of her, her smouldering eyes staring out of the page at me. I resist an urge to spit in her paper face.

Instead, I pin it up next to my mirror.

Then, forcing myself to look at my reflection carefully, I draw myself. And this time I’m brutal. I draw my crazy hair, all over the place like an electroshock patient. The dark circles under my eyes that I usually hide with concealer. My pointed features, my big nose. My thin lips, although still…sensual, for all that. My eyes, glittering and captivating, like sapphires in a bowl of cream. My flawless skin. My perfect, kissable neck.

Ah, who am I kidding. I’m fucking gorgeous, even like this, rumpled with sleep. Perhaps more so. Howard’s an idiot if he chooses her over me.

Action! Horror! Passion! Adam Ant! A gorilla in a maid’s cap! You’ll find them all in...

“Jane Eyre vs. The Mighty Boosh”