crack_van | The Great Escape by winterthunder (G)

Fandom: GOOD OMENS
Pairing: none
Length: ~ 1076 words
Author on LJ:

winterthunder
Author Website: Fic tag at journal
Why this must be read: I'm one of those people who forgets to water my houseplants until they're curled up at the ends and already seeing mirages of water. I've been trying for years to wean them off water completely, but they keep dying on me. Perhaps I'll have to try Crowley's methods of threatening the plants and weeding out the weak. This fic is a lovely bit of crack that gives us some insight into what it must be like to be one of Crowley's plants - terrified, resentful, and quietly planning to escape.

“You have to at least give them a fighting chance.” Aziraphale waved his hand and the salvia began to tremble. Crowley watched in amazement as the plant wrenched itself from his grasp. The pot shattered on the floor. Dirt spilled over Crowley’s white carpet.

“Now see what you-” Crowley began, but a high-pitched voice interrupted him.

“Run for it, lads!” The salvia was now dragging itself across the carpet, leaving a trail of brown in its wake.

A rustling filled the flat as plants from all over began to head for the exits.

“Now see here, just one minute!” Crowley said, jumping over the verbena and putting an arm across the door to the lounge. “You can’t all just run out like this!”

“Why not?” screamed a litany of high-pitched voices.

Read the story: The Great Escape

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