crack_van | In This World by Felicity (PG)

Fandom: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER / ANGEL: THE SERIES
Pairing: Buffy/Angel
Length: 32K+ words
Author on LJ: (Unknown)
Author Website: It's defunct

Why this must be read: The Angel episode "I Will Remember You" has spawned endless questions of "what if," fics examining those questions, and an excellent annual marathon. This, though, may be my favorite take, wherein Buffy doesn't quite die at the end of "The Gift," but passes into a parallel dimension with a slightly different timeline. It's heartbreaking to realize, after reading this, that maybe these two could have been happy together, earlier, without bringing the world to an end. In the meantime, Felicity tugs at your heart as the Buffy we know tries to navigate the life of the one we never got to.

"Are you all right?" Angel asked gently, and I raised my eyes to his. They were the same as always-dark, bright, melting with concern and love. I melted too, beneath their gaze.

"I-I don't know," I admitted. "Am I dead?"

Angel started, his arms tightening around me and he looked to Giles, who also appeared alarmed. "What happened?" my Watcher asked. I swallowed.

"I jumped into the portal and...and I thought I was dead. I was...elsewhere. And then I woke up here." They looked relieved to hear that. Like it made everything else make sense. Hello? Angel...human?

"Well you aren't," Xander promised. He was holding Anya, as if she was injured. Her head was cradled against his shoulder, and her eyes were open, watching me. I pulled away from Angel a little more and turned, searching for those that were left - there was Spike, hiding in a shadow, watching me with terror and hope and that thing I always hope not to find there. Love, if you can call it that. And there. Dawn. She was sitting on the steps, crying, tears flowing unheeded down her face, her dress torn, her hair tangled. In a moment I was off the ground, away from Angel entirely, across the pavement - we were beneath the scaffold. Why were we here? Why would my death be here? - wrapping Dawn in my arms.

"You died for me," she sobbed, burying her face in my shoulder. "I'm so sorry. So sorry."

"Shh," I murmured, rocking her, amazed at her solidity. Real. She felt...real. But how could any of this be real? "I'm okay. It doesn't matter." She kept crying but it was...it was healing, I thought. Eventually we pulled apart; I was almost reluctant to let her go. I was afraid that she'd disappear at any moment, that this was a dream, a fantasy. I wanted Dawn back.

"H-how did you come back?" Dawn asked, sniffling.

"Did I?" I looked at my surroundings. Everything seemed the same as the world I'd left. Everything stationary anyway. I looked back at Angel, who was watching me with concern.

In This World