crack_van | The No Affair Affair by PaulaH

Fandom: MAN from U.N.C.L.E.
Pairing: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo
Author on LJ: not at present
Author Website: not at present
Why this must be read:

One thing that canon MFU is spades is a sense of humor, even the absurd. And also a healthy sense of competitiveness between Our Glorious Heroes. This story uses both to good effect, being both funny and well characterized, not to mention liberally basted with nearly every bit of fanon in the MFU handbook but in a way that renders it gentle rather than vicious mockery.

Here's a short quote:

After nine months of forced celibacy, Illya was ready to castrate his partner and best friend. With scissors. Dull ones. One way or another, Napoleon had managed to thwart every opportunity for sex Illya had. No matter where he was, Napoleon seemed to find him and any potential bedmate for the night at the most inopportune moments. Illya suspected the American was tracing him! Although Solo always had the tendency to discourage women from showing interest in his partner, it was only recently he had taken to actually stealing them out from under him. Literally. The Russian was able to keep his libido reined in for the most part, but he was no monk. Nine months without sexual release in a way other than using one’s hand would make any man . . . what was that term Napoleon bandied about? Spiny? Something like that. And after so long, Illya was very spiny indeed.

(For those of you whom it bothers, there are a few very minor beta-type issues, none of which affected my ability to enjoy the story and I'm notoriously picky about that sort of thing.)

The No Affair Affair by PaulaH