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crack_van2011-04-15 07:47 pm
sandystarr88.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2011-04-15 07:47 pm
Entry tags:
Harry Potter / Discworld (PG)
Title: Wizards Abroad by fourth_rose
Pairing: Gen; Draco Malfoy
Length: 8,500
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fourth_rose
Author Website: Master list of fourth_rose's fics on LJ
Why this must be read:
When Dumbledore sends Draco to "the perfect hide-out" the insanity of Discworld soon has the youngest Malfoy wishing that the Dark Lord had gotten to him first.fourth_rose does an excellent job combining these universes in this hilarious one-shot and this piece is a must-read for all crossover fans.
Draco was abruptly woken in the wee hours of the morning by someone shouting "Bugger!" at the top of his voice.
Blinking, he scanned the unfamiliar room. If he had interpreted that specific "Oook" correctly, it belonged to the Librarian's current aide, which unfortunately meant him for the time being. It was just a small chamber with a single window and contained nothing but the bed, a huge wardrobe – and a tall hooded figure leaning against the windowsill. It was wrapped in a black cloak, and for a moment, there was a flash of something bone-white underneath the hood…
Draco's heart skipped a beat.
"Father?"
The figure seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then it said, in a voice reminiscent of funeral bells,
I DO NOT THINK SO.
It turned to face him, and for a moment, Draco felt the urge to pull the blankets over his head. Underneath the black hood, what had appeared to be a grinning white skull mask was... a grinning white skull, period. Inside the eye sockets, two little lights shone with a bright blue glow, but the whole figure seemed to emanate darkness. Belatedly, Draco also noticed the scythe held by a hand that was just as skeletal as the face.
"Who - what are you?"
The skeleton gave him a look that, insofar as a skull is able to express emotion, seemed puzzled.
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS. I AM DEATH. THE GRIM REAPER, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS, THE THIEF OF YEARS, THE ULTIMATE REALITY, YOU NAME IT.
Twenty-four hours ago, Draco might have been shocked into silence. However, after the last day's experiences, he felt it took a bit more to intimidate him.
"How can you be Death? Death is not a person."
AH, THE RATIONAL APPROACH. YOU ARE, OF COURSE, CORRECT, BUT YOU MIGHT CALL ME AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION. I FEEL IT IS MORE PERSONAL THAT WAY.
"But that's all in people's minds! Why can I see you?"
YOU SEEM TO BE A WIZARD. ALL MEMBERS OF THE MAGICAL COMMUNITY CAN SEE ME. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS?
Draco sighed. "I'm not from around here."
THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS. Death took a step closer. I DO NOT KNOW YOU. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
"Draco Malfoy."
Death shook his head. He - was Death a he? Draco vaguely recalled his French lessons; he was pretty sure the word for death was a feminine noun in French. It made him wonder what a French wizard would see in his place - a skeleton with broader hips in a more tasteful cloak?
God, he was going barmy in this place.
Meanwhile, Death was inspecting him with some sort of discomfort. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW YOU. I AM PRETTY SURE I HAVE NEVER SEEN A LIFETIMER WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. THIS IS RATHER EMBARRASSING.
Draco was not sure he wanted to know what that meant. "Oh, really?" he managed to reply somewhat weakly.
OF COURSE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN I NEED TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOU?
Draco perked up at this. "Does that mean you're not here for me today?"
INDEED I AM NOT. ARCHCHANCELLOR RIDCULLY IS RUNNING AROUND WITH HIS CROSSBOW AGAIN. HE USUALLY MISSES, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED FROM HIS EXPLETIVES, BUT EVERYONE IS BOUND TO GET LUCKY ONCE IN A WHILE.
Just as Death finished speaking, a crossbow bolt hissed through the open window and buried itself into the wardrobe, pinning a mass of black feathers to the wooden surface. There were splatters of blood on the floor all of a sudden.
Outside, an angry voice shouted, "Where did the ruddy bird go?"
Death raised his scythe. The mass of feathers stopped struggling. Draco thought he'd seen the vague outline of a crow stretch its wings and take flight, but it was gone before he had time to look closer.
Slowly, he let out a breath he only now realized he'd been holding.
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW.
"Wait a moment!" Draco did some very fast thinking; he'd become astoundingly good at it in a very short time. "If you don't know me, does that mean I can't die while I'm here on this world?"
Death didn't seem pleased by the question. IT IS... POSSIBLE. THIS IS MOST IRREGULAR. I ASSURE YOU THAT I WILL LOOK INTO IT.
The next moment, the skeleton was gone. If it hadn't been for the blood and the feathers on the floor, Draco would have thought he'd dreamed the whole encounter.
He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a bit better for the first time since he'd come to this place. At least it seemed he wasn't going to kick the bucket while he was here.
All in all, this day had started somewhat more promising than the last one.
Wizards Abroad
Pairing: Gen; Draco Malfoy
Length: 8,500
Author on LJ:
fourth_roseAuthor Website: Master list of fourth_rose's fics on LJ
Why this must be read:
When Dumbledore sends Draco to "the perfect hide-out" the insanity of Discworld soon has the youngest Malfoy wishing that the Dark Lord had gotten to him first.
fourth_rose does an excellent job combining these universes in this hilarious one-shot and this piece is a must-read for all crossover fans. Draco was abruptly woken in the wee hours of the morning by someone shouting "Bugger!" at the top of his voice.
Blinking, he scanned the unfamiliar room. If he had interpreted that specific "Oook" correctly, it belonged to the Librarian's current aide, which unfortunately meant him for the time being. It was just a small chamber with a single window and contained nothing but the bed, a huge wardrobe – and a tall hooded figure leaning against the windowsill. It was wrapped in a black cloak, and for a moment, there was a flash of something bone-white underneath the hood…
Draco's heart skipped a beat.
"Father?"
The figure seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then it said, in a voice reminiscent of funeral bells,
I DO NOT THINK SO.
It turned to face him, and for a moment, Draco felt the urge to pull the blankets over his head. Underneath the black hood, what had appeared to be a grinning white skull mask was... a grinning white skull, period. Inside the eye sockets, two little lights shone with a bright blue glow, but the whole figure seemed to emanate darkness. Belatedly, Draco also noticed the scythe held by a hand that was just as skeletal as the face.
"Who - what are you?"
The skeleton gave him a look that, insofar as a skull is able to express emotion, seemed puzzled.
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS. I AM DEATH. THE GRIM REAPER, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS, THE THIEF OF YEARS, THE ULTIMATE REALITY, YOU NAME IT.
Twenty-four hours ago, Draco might have been shocked into silence. However, after the last day's experiences, he felt it took a bit more to intimidate him.
"How can you be Death? Death is not a person."
AH, THE RATIONAL APPROACH. YOU ARE, OF COURSE, CORRECT, BUT YOU MIGHT CALL ME AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION. I FEEL IT IS MORE PERSONAL THAT WAY.
"But that's all in people's minds! Why can I see you?"
YOU SEEM TO BE A WIZARD. ALL MEMBERS OF THE MAGICAL COMMUNITY CAN SEE ME. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS?
Draco sighed. "I'm not from around here."
THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS. Death took a step closer. I DO NOT KNOW YOU. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
"Draco Malfoy."
Death shook his head. He - was Death a he? Draco vaguely recalled his French lessons; he was pretty sure the word for death was a feminine noun in French. It made him wonder what a French wizard would see in his place - a skeleton with broader hips in a more tasteful cloak?
God, he was going barmy in this place.
Meanwhile, Death was inspecting him with some sort of discomfort. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW YOU. I AM PRETTY SURE I HAVE NEVER SEEN A LIFETIMER WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. THIS IS RATHER EMBARRASSING.
Draco was not sure he wanted to know what that meant. "Oh, really?" he managed to reply somewhat weakly.
OF COURSE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN I NEED TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOU?
Draco perked up at this. "Does that mean you're not here for me today?"
INDEED I AM NOT. ARCHCHANCELLOR RIDCULLY IS RUNNING AROUND WITH HIS CROSSBOW AGAIN. HE USUALLY MISSES, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED FROM HIS EXPLETIVES, BUT EVERYONE IS BOUND TO GET LUCKY ONCE IN A WHILE.
Just as Death finished speaking, a crossbow bolt hissed through the open window and buried itself into the wardrobe, pinning a mass of black feathers to the wooden surface. There were splatters of blood on the floor all of a sudden.
Outside, an angry voice shouted, "Where did the ruddy bird go?"
Death raised his scythe. The mass of feathers stopped struggling. Draco thought he'd seen the vague outline of a crow stretch its wings and take flight, but it was gone before he had time to look closer.
Slowly, he let out a breath he only now realized he'd been holding.
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW.
"Wait a moment!" Draco did some very fast thinking; he'd become astoundingly good at it in a very short time. "If you don't know me, does that mean I can't die while I'm here on this world?"
Death didn't seem pleased by the question. IT IS... POSSIBLE. THIS IS MOST IRREGULAR. I ASSURE YOU THAT I WILL LOOK INTO IT.
The next moment, the skeleton was gone. If it hadn't been for the blood and the feathers on the floor, Draco would have thought he'd dreamed the whole encounter.
He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a bit better for the first time since he'd come to this place. At least it seemed he wasn't going to kick the bucket while he was here.
All in all, this day had started somewhat more promising than the last one.
Wizards Abroad