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crack_van2011-07-15 05:30 pm
desfinado.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2011-07-15 05:30 pm
We Are Bad News (Well, HE Is) by swear_jar and apiphile (NC-17)
Fandom: BANDOM
Pairing: Bob/Frank, Pete/Mikey, Pete/Frank
Length: 13,900 words
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
swear_jar and apiphile
Author Website: swear_jar's fanfic index, apiphile's fanfic index
Why this must be read: I have no clue how to even EXPLAIN what this story is, because it's so unlike anything else I've read in bandom, but reading the excerpt below may give you a better idea.swear_jar and apiphile are authors whose writing is always unapologetically realistic, up to and including personality flaws, spectacular humour, complex relationship dynamics, messy and awkward sex, miscommunication, relateable dialogue, and those moments in life that are so absurd you just have to laugh.
This story had me laughing straight from start to finish. Not only does it seem to be a satire of the particular way fandom has imagined Pete/Mikey and Frank/Bob relationships, it has such a fantastic grasp on the complex and messed up characters; their relationships develop in ways that make you think THAT is how it would be. That right there. And yes, I will put it out there: there is pee. But if that's something that puts you off, let me say I felt the exact same way but found that it's introduced in such an organic, absurd, hilarious sort of fashion that it never feels weird or out-of-character. Read it for the messy, hot sex, the never-ending humour and dialogue, or the careful and complex relationships it develops - but read it! You won't be disappointed.
Excerpt:
So he says: "Hemmy peed on my shoes the other day. Like, when I was wearing them." And he does not look at Mikey at all.
He thanks God for liquor when people start laughing. Frank actually slides off from where he’s perched on Bob's back and onto the ground, landing in a heap of giggles, half on top of Gerard. Who still hasn't bothered to move, apparently pleased enough to mumble at the mysterious stains on the ceiling.
"That's how dogs claim things," Gerard stops communicating with the ceiling long enough to contribute. Frank rolls around more violently with laughter, ending up leaning against Pete's feet. He has big, big eyes filled up with laughter-tears and he has Jack Daniels all over his shirt in big amber stains.
Bob reaches down and steals the bottle before any more of it can get wasted.
"Wait," Pete says, because wait, that is awesome, "wait, seriously?" he asks, boggle-eyed. "That is the best thing I have ever heard," and Pete undoes his fly, because seriously! Mikey's right there! Mikey's his! And Frank looks kind of pretty, on the floor looking up with flushed cheeks and laughter-damp eyes. And Gerard is kind of hot too, even though he's probably about five minutes away from puking his guts out and probably it's rude to pee on the brother of the guy you're dating. Whatever. That kind of etiquette is passé.
He's poised and ready. Well, he has his hand on his dick, which is – under almost all circumstances ever – the equivalent.
"No, Pete."
Damn it.
Patrick's hand is on his arm. He didn't even know Patrick was there. Patrick is NinjaStump right now, looming from the shadows to interfere with Pete's dick-related fun. Boo. Hiss.
"But--"
"Pete. Put your dick away." Patrick sounds weary, like he’s repeating a line he’s said many times before. It may be because he is.
We Are Bad News (Well, HE Is)
Pairing: Bob/Frank, Pete/Mikey, Pete/Frank
Length: 13,900 words
Author on LJ:
swear_jar and apiphileAuthor Website: swear_jar's fanfic index, apiphile's fanfic index
Why this must be read: I have no clue how to even EXPLAIN what this story is, because it's so unlike anything else I've read in bandom, but reading the excerpt below may give you a better idea.
swear_jar and apiphile are authors whose writing is always unapologetically realistic, up to and including personality flaws, spectacular humour, complex relationship dynamics, messy and awkward sex, miscommunication, relateable dialogue, and those moments in life that are so absurd you just have to laugh.This story had me laughing straight from start to finish. Not only does it seem to be a satire of the particular way fandom has imagined Pete/Mikey and Frank/Bob relationships, it has such a fantastic grasp on the complex and messed up characters; their relationships develop in ways that make you think THAT is how it would be. That right there. And yes, I will put it out there: there is pee. But if that's something that puts you off, let me say I felt the exact same way but found that it's introduced in such an organic, absurd, hilarious sort of fashion that it never feels weird or out-of-character. Read it for the messy, hot sex, the never-ending humour and dialogue, or the careful and complex relationships it develops - but read it! You won't be disappointed.
Excerpt:
So he says: "Hemmy peed on my shoes the other day. Like, when I was wearing them." And he does not look at Mikey at all.
He thanks God for liquor when people start laughing. Frank actually slides off from where he’s perched on Bob's back and onto the ground, landing in a heap of giggles, half on top of Gerard. Who still hasn't bothered to move, apparently pleased enough to mumble at the mysterious stains on the ceiling.
"That's how dogs claim things," Gerard stops communicating with the ceiling long enough to contribute. Frank rolls around more violently with laughter, ending up leaning against Pete's feet. He has big, big eyes filled up with laughter-tears and he has Jack Daniels all over his shirt in big amber stains.
Bob reaches down and steals the bottle before any more of it can get wasted.
"Wait," Pete says, because wait, that is awesome, "wait, seriously?" he asks, boggle-eyed. "That is the best thing I have ever heard," and Pete undoes his fly, because seriously! Mikey's right there! Mikey's his! And Frank looks kind of pretty, on the floor looking up with flushed cheeks and laughter-damp eyes. And Gerard is kind of hot too, even though he's probably about five minutes away from puking his guts out and probably it's rude to pee on the brother of the guy you're dating. Whatever. That kind of etiquette is passé.
He's poised and ready. Well, he has his hand on his dick, which is – under almost all circumstances ever – the equivalent.
"No, Pete."
Damn it.
Patrick's hand is on his arm. He didn't even know Patrick was there. Patrick is NinjaStump right now, looming from the shadows to interfere with Pete's dick-related fun. Boo. Hiss.
"But--"
"Pete. Put your dick away." Patrick sounds weary, like he’s repeating a line he’s said many times before. It may be because he is.
We Are Bad News (Well, HE Is)