crack_van | The Ballad of El Userino, by coyotegoth (PG)

Fandom: TRON/THE BIG LEBOWSKI
Pairing: gen, refs to canon pairings
Length:
Author on LJ:

coyotegoth
Author Website: n/a
Why this must be read:

The author came up with a simple, brilliant premise — while in the laser bay, Kevin Flynn runs into Jeff Lebowski, making a special delivery — and ran with it, to hysterical result.

Flynn was sitting on the floor now, tracing patterns in the air with a fingertip and laughing to himself.

"Wow- that shit really landed on you," the Dude said, taking another hit himself.

"Yeah," Flynn said, as he tried to stand up, "I... I don't think I'm going to stand up right now," he finished, slumping back to the floor. He looked up at the Dude, and cackled.

"Hey, Dude- will you do me a favor?" Flynn asked after catching his breath. "I just need you to type in a few things for me. But first..." Flynn gestured at a switch on the control bank; the Dude flipped it.

"There," Flynn said. "Now it can't hear us."

"It...?" the Dude asked.

"The Master Control program that runs the Encom system," Flynn said. "It's probably monitoring this entire place. It's completely evil- probably trying to take over the whole world and destroy humanity, or something."

"Bummer," said the Dude. Then, at Flynn's instruction, he began typing in strings of letters and numbers.

"Hey, how do you spell 'flotilla'?" the Dude asked. Then, the screen displayed the words

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME BACK FLYNN

"Far out- it thinks I'm you, man," the Dude said. He typed in a few more phrases at Flynn's direction- and then suddenly, as Flynn watched in amazement, the digitizing laser fired, hitting the Dude.

Jesus, his fucking fingers are vanishing, Flynn thought; he watched in shock as the laser continued scanning and digitizing the Dude. Then, its beam faded; the Dude was gone.

Oh, shit Flynn thought, and broke into hysterical laughter.

Amazingly, the story gets funnier as it goes along, with the Dude struggling to maintain his mellowness and his User abilities manifesting in unusual (but probably inevitable) ways.

“The Ballad of El Userino”

The Ballad of El Userino, by coyotegoth (PG)

no subject

no subject