Except Thou Bless Me, by architeuthis (NC-17)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: SUPERNATURAL
Pairing: Castiel/Dean, refs to Alastair/Dean (sorta)
Length: ~10,500 words
Author on LJ: architeuthis
Author Website: Architeuthis on Dreamwidth
Warnings: Wangst. Language. Violence. Consensual power exchange. Moderate-core S&M, including light CBT and brief, incidental breath play. References to actual torture; references to past threats of rape. Schmoopy aftercare. In roughly that order.
Why this must be read:

I apologize for my extremely late and short lap in the Impala this month — it’s crunch time at work, plus I had to deal with a loss in the family.

This astounding fic is set soon after 4.16, “On the Head of a Pin” (in which Dean interrogates Alastair, the demon who was his (tor)mentor in Hell), and prefigures 5.18, “Point of No Return” (in which Dean learns that you do not want to piss off the nerd angels). I like to think this is how the latter episode might have played out if Supernatural were on HBO instead of the CW.

Dean pitched forward onto his elbows, and just stayed there, throbbing all over with frustration and humiliation and pain. God, he'd been so fucking close. He'd almost had everything he needed, and then — fuck. He wasn't even sure he could get back to the Impala on his own, or for that matter whether it would start, whether Castiel had done something awful to it.

He was just starting to think in earnest about standing up — there was a pressure behind his eyes and in his throat, and he didn't want to find out what that was going to turn into if he didn't get moving soon — when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and before he could so much as feel an emotion about that he was on his back on the hood of the Impala. Which was impossible; Dean wasn't sure how far Castiel had tossed him exactly, but they hadn't been anywhere near the car. But Castiel was on top of him, straddling him, and Dean didn't give a shit about anything else.

“What is this?” he asked again, holding Dean down with one hand and running the other across Dean's hairline and down the side of his face, half rough, half tender. “Is this a mercy, Dean? Is it— I don't—”

Dean was such an asshole. Pulling an angel into his sick shit, what the hell was wrong with him? An angel who had doubts enough already, who sounded shaky and unsure of himself, and Dean hated that he had done this to Castiel. And....

And could not say no. Could not say it wasn't a mercy. Couldn't turn him away.

"Yes," he gasped, clutching at the hand that was on his chest, holding Dean down. "Yes — please, please, Cas, please, I need it. Please you don't have to do anything else, I just, don't leave—"

Dean was babbling like an idiot, and if he didn't stop he was going to start saying things he couldn't un-say. He swallowed the next sentence and tried sitting up a little, and Castiel let him; he tried touching Castiel's neck and shoulder and chest with his free hand, urgent and uncertain and needing more contact, and Castiel let him; he tried grabbing a handful of Castiel's coat to pull him closer, or to pull himself closer to Castiel, anything to have Castiel on top of him, touching him, awakening and reawakening Dean's bruises and scrapes with his hands and his body—

And Castiel shoved him back down on the hood and slapped him hard across the face. Jesus, that might be Dean's new favorite thing.

This immediately became one of my favorite SPN fics. The writing is sharp and vivid, whether it’s describing the desolate desert road where the story opens or the tangle of fury, guilt, and need in Dean’s head. I also like how this story addresses the fact that Dean has actually spent more time in Hell than on Earth; architeuthis put a lot of thought (probably more than the show’s writers) into how that might affect Dean, and the problems he would have readjusting to human life. And lest I forget, the sex is incredible; possibly the only thing better is the conversation, both during and after, as Castiel and Dean figure out what they can ask for and expect from each other.

“Except Thou Bless Me” on Livejournal and Dreamwidth.