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crack_van2012-02-21 04:12 pm
Educating Harry Potter by hgfan1111 (M)
Pairing: Mostly gen with a little Harry/Ginny
Author on LJ: Couldn't find one
Author's Website: FFN
Why this must be read: This is a real gem. hgfan poses the question, "who exactly gave Harry Potter the talk about sex?" and answers it in ten different one-shots, brought together by their common theme. My favourite by far was the lesson from Snape but all of them are funny and even touchin (no pun intended).
Excerpt
"Since it seems that none of you are brilliant enough to pick up a book on the subject," Snape drawled, "it has fallen to me to instruct you in the ways of…interpersonal relationships."
He said it as if it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever had to contemplate and Harry sank low in his chair. This was going to be the longest few hours of his life.
Less than an hour later—not one wizard in the room had dared to raise their hand with a quarry or comment about the information Snape had passed along—Harry and his friends rushed from the classroom.
"That was…" Ron's eyes were wide, fixed the way they'd been the whole time. "It was…" He floundered for the right words to express himself and Harry couldn't remember a time when Ron had ever been speechless.
"Yeah," Neville agreed quietly. His face was still a pasty white and Harry wasn't sure there was any blood left in his body, let alone enough to make his cheeks turn pink.
"I think he accomplished his goal," Harry finally said. "I can't even imagine having sex right now."
"That, Potter, was rather the point."
Snape appeared behind them and all three boys jumped as he glared at them with coal-black eyes.
"At least you've proven that you are capable of learning something."
They watched as he swept away, his cloak flying out behind him like the black wings of the bat he was. Harry fought the urge to shiver, both in disgust and reaction to the dramatic exit.
"We're never speaking of this again," Harry muttered after letting out a long breath. "Ever."
"Yeah."
"Agreed."
Educating Harry Potter
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