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crack_van2004-06-18 01:33 pm
justacat.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2004-06-18 01:33 pm
Relax, by Dira Sudis (NC-17)
Fandom: DUE SOUTH
Pairing: Ray Kowalski/Benton Fraser
Author's Website: http://dira.aukestrel.com/
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dsudis
Why this must be read:
A really well-done episode-based fic is a unique kind of pleasure for me, because it serves to "realize" or actualize the homoerotic subtext of canon so that the slash makes sense, seems inevitable. Relax is just such a fic, beginning and playing off of the scene in the episode Seeing is Believing in which Fraser hypnotizes RayK, Welsh, and Thatcher in an attempt to determine the actual facts regarding a crime that all three witnessed but each remembers differently. The story is written from Fraser's point of view, which permits the author to show us what the episode doesn't: what actually happened during the hypnosis, and thus the reason for Ray's unaccountably nervous and edgy reaction when Fraser releases him.
Dira Sudis (a remarkably talented author whose work gets better and better; this is one of her earlier pieces, and my favorite - so far) posits that Fraser gave in to temptation during the hypnosis and elicited from Ray a disclosure of what appears to be his deepest secret: his true sexual orientation. This was something Fraser had dared not even hope for, and in the ensuing few days, once he discovers he has the capacity to hypnotize Ray easily, he finds himself unable to resist the temptation to do so, to return Ray to the dreamy, relaxed state he achieved in hypnosis - and not incidentally, to pursue the implications of what he learned, including Ray's feelings for him, while leaving Ray remembering nothing. He knows that what he is doing is absolutely, utterly wrong, a violation of Ray's trust of the most severe and unforgivable sort, and he struggles with almost debilitating guilt - yet he doesn't stop, can't seem to stop.
And the implications are tragic. Fraser knows he'd never have discovered Ray's attraction to him without violating Ray's trust - but he also knows that by doing so he's ruined any chance there might have been for that attraction ever to come to anything. Now, even if he made a move and Ray welcomed his advances:
As for Fraser - Dira's Fraser is masterful. Fraser has so much invested in maintaining the face he presents to the world: always correct, always morally superior, always doing the "right" thing. This is how Ray sees him, as the "pretty Mountie snow prince," entirely untouchable. So it makes sense that when he falls into depravity he falls hard - it is so easy to imagine him having no power to defend against his darker urges when it comes to matters of the heart, no experience in resisting temptation because he has so rarely allowed himself to be tempted (hence Victoria). And when it happens, his guilt and remorse and self-recrimination are almost crippling; he gives himself no quarter, no room to make the mistakes that humans make, and so he sees no possibility for forgiveness.
So it's not surprising that Ray ultimately is more willing to forgive Fraser than Fraser is to forgive himself. Fraser cannot believe or accept that there is any possibility for atonement, much less absolution. He believes that his monumental fuck-up has eliminated any chance for him and Ray to be together, and he can't even conceive that there is any way to repair what he has destroyed: Ray's happy and trusting feelings toward him. But it is that very fuck-up that brings them together, whereas, paradoxically, Fraser's appearance of perfection would have kept them apart forever. It ultimately is Fraser's very imperfection that gets him what he's been longing for - the bottom line, Ray tells him, is that Ray would "rather be with somebody who makes mistakes, than without somebody who doesn't."
Dira manages to convey all of this without ever becoming melodramatic or maudlin. Fraser's inner conflict is exceptionally well done and believable. And while the wrongness of what he is doing is never minimized, she manages to keep us from ever losing sight of Fraser's essential goodness - the fact that, though he may not believe it, he is not a bad person, but a good person doing a bad thing, imperfect but not evil - in short, he is human. And Ray's reaction to Fraser's mistake reveals the strength and beauty of his character. He doesn't let Fraser off the hook, but the atonement he demands isn't excessive or cruel. In fact, it reveals Ray's exceptionally sensitive and intuitive understanding of Fraser, because what he asks of Fraser is severe enough and has enough cosmic justice to permit Fraser to accept that the balance has been redressed - but without diminishing or humiliating Fraser at all. And at the same time it's sufficient to enable Ray to forgive him. It's a truly brilliant response to the situation and makes the happy ending believable and incredibly satisfying - these two have earned their happiness.
Relax is a story of temptation and obsession and guilt, and in this way it is reminiscent of Victoria's Secret. But Ray is in a sense the anti-Victoria, and in Relax Dira turns Fraser's experience with Victoria on its head, because ultimately it is a story of forgiveness and of love. It's compelling and angsty and beautiful and hot, with insightful, sympathetic characterization and a wonderful ending, plus it's beautifully written. It's been one of my sentimental favorites since the first time I read it.
Relax
Pairing: Ray Kowalski/Benton Fraser
Author's Website: http://dira.aukestrel.com/
Author on LJ:
dsudisWhy this must be read:
A really well-done episode-based fic is a unique kind of pleasure for me, because it serves to "realize" or actualize the homoerotic subtext of canon so that the slash makes sense, seems inevitable. Relax is just such a fic, beginning and playing off of the scene in the episode Seeing is Believing in which Fraser hypnotizes RayK, Welsh, and Thatcher in an attempt to determine the actual facts regarding a crime that all three witnessed but each remembers differently. The story is written from Fraser's point of view, which permits the author to show us what the episode doesn't: what actually happened during the hypnosis, and thus the reason for Ray's unaccountably nervous and edgy reaction when Fraser releases him.
Dira Sudis (a remarkably talented author whose work gets better and better; this is one of her earlier pieces, and my favorite - so far) posits that Fraser gave in to temptation during the hypnosis and elicited from Ray a disclosure of what appears to be his deepest secret: his true sexual orientation. This was something Fraser had dared not even hope for, and in the ensuing few days, once he discovers he has the capacity to hypnotize Ray easily, he finds himself unable to resist the temptation to do so, to return Ray to the dreamy, relaxed state he achieved in hypnosis - and not incidentally, to pursue the implications of what he learned, including Ray's feelings for him, while leaving Ray remembering nothing. He knows that what he is doing is absolutely, utterly wrong, a violation of Ray's trust of the most severe and unforgivable sort, and he struggles with almost debilitating guilt - yet he doesn't stop, can't seem to stop.
And the implications are tragic. Fraser knows he'd never have discovered Ray's attraction to him without violating Ray's trust - but he also knows that by doing so he's ruined any chance there might have been for that attraction ever to come to anything. Now, even if he made a move and Ray welcomed his advances:
he would either have to enter into a relationship based on deceit, or admit the truth at that most inopportune moment. Whether he revealed his perfidy or attempted to conceal it, Ray's love would surely never survive disillusionment.Ultimately, of course, Fraser, being Fraser, realizes that he has to come clean and does so, in an amazingly sensitive, insightful, and movingly written scene. I particularly love Ray's reaction when he first realizes all is not well with Fraser:
Fraser closed his eyes, and turned his face to the wall. No need to look; he was going nowhere.
"Okay, we got movement, so I know you're alive in there. And if you were hurt or something Dief wouldn't have backed off." A sliding sound, fabric against wood; he realized that Ray had shifted to sit against the door. "I don't know if you know this, Fraser, but saying you're fine while refusing to make eye contact and then shutting yourself in the bathroom and not even bothering to run the shower is, like, the International Chick Signal for ‘go buy me something thoughtful and then don't stop asking me what's wrong until I tell you'." Fraser opened his eyes, then, and stared at the door with a growing sense of horror. Ray couldn't possibly be that... no, he could be that kind and thoughtful. Of course he could. He had no idea why he shouldn't be. "So," Another sliding sound, and a paper bag crinkling. "If the door's not locked, I'm just going to slide this cup of tea and these scones through, and I'll sit out here with my coffee and donuts, and we'll have a little talk, okay?"As this excerpt shows, though the story's entirely from Fraser's POV, it gives us some amazingly sensitive insights into Ray's character. Dira incorporates various elements from the show - like Ray's reaction to the hypnosis (including Fraser's "abducted by aliens" comment), his "I love you" to Fraser (also in Seeing is Believing), his reference to his fascination with Steve McQueen (in the episode Eclipse) - and ties them together to paint a picture of Ray that really makes sense: vulnerable, drawn to people who seem untouchable - Stella and now Fraser; hurt by them and expecting to be hurt again; employing a lifetime's worth of double bluffs and similar strategies to closely guard from them the deepest secret of his heart - yet still and always unable to keep himself from reaching out.
As for Fraser - Dira's Fraser is masterful. Fraser has so much invested in maintaining the face he presents to the world: always correct, always morally superior, always doing the "right" thing. This is how Ray sees him, as the "pretty Mountie snow prince," entirely untouchable. So it makes sense that when he falls into depravity he falls hard - it is so easy to imagine him having no power to defend against his darker urges when it comes to matters of the heart, no experience in resisting temptation because he has so rarely allowed himself to be tempted (hence Victoria). And when it happens, his guilt and remorse and self-recrimination are almost crippling; he gives himself no quarter, no room to make the mistakes that humans make, and so he sees no possibility for forgiveness.
So it's not surprising that Ray ultimately is more willing to forgive Fraser than Fraser is to forgive himself. Fraser cannot believe or accept that there is any possibility for atonement, much less absolution. He believes that his monumental fuck-up has eliminated any chance for him and Ray to be together, and he can't even conceive that there is any way to repair what he has destroyed: Ray's happy and trusting feelings toward him. But it is that very fuck-up that brings them together, whereas, paradoxically, Fraser's appearance of perfection would have kept them apart forever. It ultimately is Fraser's very imperfection that gets him what he's been longing for - the bottom line, Ray tells him, is that Ray would "rather be with somebody who makes mistakes, than without somebody who doesn't."
Dira manages to convey all of this without ever becoming melodramatic or maudlin. Fraser's inner conflict is exceptionally well done and believable. And while the wrongness of what he is doing is never minimized, she manages to keep us from ever losing sight of Fraser's essential goodness - the fact that, though he may not believe it, he is not a bad person, but a good person doing a bad thing, imperfect but not evil - in short, he is human. And Ray's reaction to Fraser's mistake reveals the strength and beauty of his character. He doesn't let Fraser off the hook, but the atonement he demands isn't excessive or cruel. In fact, it reveals Ray's exceptionally sensitive and intuitive understanding of Fraser, because what he asks of Fraser is severe enough and has enough cosmic justice to permit Fraser to accept that the balance has been redressed - but without diminishing or humiliating Fraser at all. And at the same time it's sufficient to enable Ray to forgive him. It's a truly brilliant response to the situation and makes the happy ending believable and incredibly satisfying - these two have earned their happiness.
Relax is a story of temptation and obsession and guilt, and in this way it is reminiscent of Victoria's Secret. But Ray is in a sense the anti-Victoria, and in Relax Dira turns Fraser's experience with Victoria on its head, because ultimately it is a story of forgiveness and of love. It's compelling and angsty and beautiful and hot, with insightful, sympathetic characterization and a wonderful ending, plus it's beautifully written. It's been one of my sentimental favorites since the first time I read it.
Relax
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Thank you!
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And dude, I enjoy your reading your thoughts on the stories you rec so much. It's like half the fun.
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Thanks so much for commenting - it's nice to know these posts are still out there being read and, hopefully, conveying some of the joy and passion I felt for the fandom and the stories when I wrote them (the posts I mean, not the comments :-).