Incurable Weirdness (Lions and Tigers), by Starlingthefool, PG-13 - R

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Fandom: INCEPTION / Calvin & Hobbes
Title: Lions and Tigers; The Physiological Response to Absurdity (The Incurable Weirdness Series)
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Length: about 14k in total
Author on LJ: starlingthefool
Author Website: Author's works at AO3; masterlist of (earlier) fics on author's journal
Why this must be read: Of all the amazing fics starlingthefool has written in this fandom, this one (along with the tattoo parlor AU) sits at the top of my list. In this fic, as in all the best crossovers, Starling manages to take a completely unexpected premise and run with it until it fits so naturally into the universe, it seems like a foregone conclusion all along. Starling makes Calvin Eames so plausible and real and heartbreaking, without trading in one iota of characterization from either canon, that the idea of Eames having grown up in Ohio with a giant stuffed tiger for a best friend seems totally canonical. The results are fascinating and charming and--in keeping with all the best Calvin & Hobbes fics--more than a little poignant, heartbreaking, and profound. Arthur having hesitant conversations with Hobbes will melt you into puddles of feelings, and the sequel from Eames' POV might actually find you weeping joyfully into your hankies, as Hobbes helps him reconcile with his past and deal with the terrifying process of falling in love.

In a jungle in Eames’ subconscious, Arthur turns at the sound of a twig snapping. He turns with his gun drawn, muscles taut and ready for a fight. He’s not ready to see a tiger; massive, lithe, striped orange and black in great big fuck-off stripes, paw frozen in the act of stepping towards him, green eyes fixed on Arthur’s.

This is Arthur’s first time working with Eames, and he only agreed to it because of Mal’s recommendation of the forger. If Arthur gets any say in the matter, it’ll be his last time working with Eames as well, even if the man is brilliant. Fucking subconscious tigers are just one of many things that Arthur doesn’t need to deal with.

The tiger sets his paw down and stares at Arthur. Just stares. Which is good, because all Arthur is able to do is stare back. He’s not scared of much, certainly not pain, and not even death – not in a dream, anyway. But being mauled? Yes, that apparently still has the capacity to terrify him.

The tiger cocks his head, and says, “Hmm. Interesting.” His voice is low, comfortable, entirely self-satisfied, and slightly colored by an unplaceable accent.

Arthur blinks. Because, you know, it’s a talking tiger. Arthur is as inured to weird shit as he is to dream-pain, but talking cats are a new one for him.

A gunshot tears through the silence, close and sudden. Arthur instinctively turns towards the sound and the shouts that follow.

When he turns back, the tiger is gone.

________


“Do you remember,” Eames says after a moment, “that night in the bar, after the job in Prague?”

“Three years ago?" Arthur asks, looking up. "Yeah. You were doing that thing that you do when you’re drunk–”

“Trying to get into your pants?” Eames says, running his hand over Arthur’s bare thigh.

“Being a way-too-perceptive ass, actually,” Arthur corrects him, nudging his arm. He stands and goes to get a drink from the mini bar. He pulls out some Jack Daniels – he’s been craving bourbon again – and sits on the stool across from Eames. “You told me I had no imagination, and I told you you had too much.”

Eames smirks again, adding some shading to a cliff face on the Martian/desert/moon landscape. “That’s probably the truest thing anyone could say about me.”

“Yeah?” Arthur says, sipping on the bourbon.

“Oh yes. When I was first training for dreamsharing, I got the award for most creative killer projections.”

“Zombies?” Arthur asks. He’s run across that once or twice before.

“Tyrannosaurs,” Eames says proudly. “In fighter jets.”

Incurable Weirdness: Lions and Tigers; The Physiological Response to Absurdity