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crack_van2012-07-29 12:09 pm
laurie-ky.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2012-07-29 12:09 pm
Entry tags:
About Those Issues by Escargoat
Fandom: THE SENTINEL
Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Characters Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Carolyn Plummer
Length 3571 words
Author's Warning none
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
escargoat
Author's website: Author's page at Artifact Storage Room 3
Summary : While paying off a debt to a fellow anthropologist, Blair learns more about Jim’s sex life than he wanted to know.
Why this must be read Blair must be thinking all during the events of the story, that how is this even his life? He's doing actual research, albeit as a guinea pig, to pay back a favor to another grad student for covering his classes so he can go and fight crime with Jim. And then he runs into Jim's ex, who puts two and two together as to why he's at a sex store, and comes up with five. His encounters with Carolyn, Jim's ex-wife, and Jim are so very funny, as he tap dances around what he's learned and what Jim thinks he's learned about Blair.
This story made me laugh, and I'm betting it will make other readers do the same.
* * *
Who was he kidding? Jim would laugh his ass off if he knew the payment that Blair was currently making on his IOU to a teaching fellow for covering his classes last week.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Heather was a beautiful, intelligent woman and a good teacher. His students never suffered in her capable hands. Blair though, Blair was suffering. Somehow he had failed to notice that Heather had gotten a steady boyfriend. So instead of the dinner and movie that she usually chose for payment, she had roped Blair into participating in her latest anthropological study.
It was a fairly interesting topic that would probably sell well to the less academic set: a study on how people react to non-typical shoppers. Middle aged housewives in grunge wear stores, biker gang members in fancy candle shops, Blair Sandburgs in female geared sex shops…
What the hell did he ever do to Heather anyway?
The Lady’s Assistant was marketed as a place that sold sex items that women really wanted. It was run by women for women. And Blair was starting to lose track of the suspicious and unwelcoming glances he was receiving. It was time to just buy something, and get his pert little butt out of the damn store already.
Seeing a brightly lit display with some handmade signs, he wandered over to it hoping that it was a sale rack so that he didn’t have to spend too much money.
“Have a dripping good time with your new hot fudge sundae,” the signs proclaimed. “Chop out the nuts, but still have that full feeling of satisfaction. Great for popping your sex toy cherry! Comes with complimentary tube of whipped cream lube!”
Apparently female geared didn’t necessarily mean that there was tact anywhere involved.
Horrified that anybody would insert anything that looked like a misshapen string of ice cream blobs into any bodily orifice, Blair turned around abruptly and grabbed a random toy off of the shelf behind him.
“Oh, excuse me,” a strangely familiar female voice buzzed in Blair’s ear.
Feeling like he was stuck in a bad horror movie, Blair slowly turned his head to find himself looking into the bemused, and slightly sad, face of Jim Ellison’s ex-wife.
“Carolyn.” He smiled uneasily as he tried to nonchalantly pretend that he did not have a dildo in his hand.
“Blair, I uh, didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, well, I was on my way home,” he heard himself stammer.
Carolyn flushed a bit, and Blair suddenly realized how his words had been taken.
“I mean, that is to say…”
Carolyn put up her hand in a classic ‘stop’ gesture. “It’s okay, really. I was very happy to hear that you stuck with Jimmy. He, he needs somebody I think. I had just hoped… well I guess I had hoped that his problems with our sex life were because he was in denial. I thought when he took up with you that being with another man might be what he was looking for.”
Blair stared stupidly at her because his brain was mightily protesting processing any of the information that she had just given him.
About Those Issues by Escargoat.
Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Characters Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Carolyn Plummer
Length 3571 words
Author's Warning none
Author on LJ:
escargoatAuthor's website: Author's page at Artifact Storage Room 3
Summary : While paying off a debt to a fellow anthropologist, Blair learns more about Jim’s sex life than he wanted to know.
Why this must be read Blair must be thinking all during the events of the story, that how is this even his life? He's doing actual research, albeit as a guinea pig, to pay back a favor to another grad student for covering his classes so he can go and fight crime with Jim. And then he runs into Jim's ex, who puts two and two together as to why he's at a sex store, and comes up with five. His encounters with Carolyn, Jim's ex-wife, and Jim are so very funny, as he tap dances around what he's learned and what Jim thinks he's learned about Blair.
This story made me laugh, and I'm betting it will make other readers do the same.
* * *
Who was he kidding? Jim would laugh his ass off if he knew the payment that Blair was currently making on his IOU to a teaching fellow for covering his classes last week.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Heather was a beautiful, intelligent woman and a good teacher. His students never suffered in her capable hands. Blair though, Blair was suffering. Somehow he had failed to notice that Heather had gotten a steady boyfriend. So instead of the dinner and movie that she usually chose for payment, she had roped Blair into participating in her latest anthropological study.
It was a fairly interesting topic that would probably sell well to the less academic set: a study on how people react to non-typical shoppers. Middle aged housewives in grunge wear stores, biker gang members in fancy candle shops, Blair Sandburgs in female geared sex shops…
What the hell did he ever do to Heather anyway?
The Lady’s Assistant was marketed as a place that sold sex items that women really wanted. It was run by women for women. And Blair was starting to lose track of the suspicious and unwelcoming glances he was receiving. It was time to just buy something, and get his pert little butt out of the damn store already.
Seeing a brightly lit display with some handmade signs, he wandered over to it hoping that it was a sale rack so that he didn’t have to spend too much money.
“Have a dripping good time with your new hot fudge sundae,” the signs proclaimed. “Chop out the nuts, but still have that full feeling of satisfaction. Great for popping your sex toy cherry! Comes with complimentary tube of whipped cream lube!”
Apparently female geared didn’t necessarily mean that there was tact anywhere involved.
Horrified that anybody would insert anything that looked like a misshapen string of ice cream blobs into any bodily orifice, Blair turned around abruptly and grabbed a random toy off of the shelf behind him.
“Oh, excuse me,” a strangely familiar female voice buzzed in Blair’s ear.
Feeling like he was stuck in a bad horror movie, Blair slowly turned his head to find himself looking into the bemused, and slightly sad, face of Jim Ellison’s ex-wife.
“Carolyn.” He smiled uneasily as he tried to nonchalantly pretend that he did not have a dildo in his hand.
“Blair, I uh, didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, well, I was on my way home,” he heard himself stammer.
Carolyn flushed a bit, and Blair suddenly realized how his words had been taken.
“I mean, that is to say…”
Carolyn put up her hand in a classic ‘stop’ gesture. “It’s okay, really. I was very happy to hear that you stuck with Jimmy. He, he needs somebody I think. I had just hoped… well I guess I had hoped that his problems with our sex life were because he was in denial. I thought when he took up with you that being with another man might be what he was looking for.”
Blair stared stupidly at her because his brain was mightily protesting processing any of the information that she had just given him.
About Those Issues by Escargoat.
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http://escargoat.livejournal.com/
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Laurie
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Laurie
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Laurie