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crack_van2012-09-30 09:45 pm
aprilvalentine.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2012-09-30 09:45 pm
Entry tags:
“Lexicon” by Hth (mature)
Fandom: THE SENTINEL
Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Length: 8338 words
Author on LJ: unknown
Author Website: on AO3
Why this must be read:
Because I’m a sucker for a Jim Ellison that is damaged and trying to cope. In this story, set post TSbyBS, Blair has not become a cop and while partnered with a young female detective, Jim is gravely wounded. He suffers a knife wound to the throat and thinks he’s dying when it happens, wishing it was Blair who would be with him in his final moments instead of his new partner. He’s never told Blair how he feels and believes he’ll die without being able to.
Jim doesn’t die, but he still can’t tell Blair how he feels, because his vocal cords were destroyed. He’s retired from the police force and sent home to recuperate. I’ve seen many stories with permanent disability for Blair before, even one where the talkative anthroplogist loses his ability to talk, but you don’t see as much of this thing done with Jim. For my part, I like seeing the characters usually considered tougher suffer. Jim was never overly talkative, but once he loses his voice, he has many regrets over the things he can no longer say.
Hth handles all Jim’s reactions with sentitivity and never makes Jim weak in her story. He’s vulnerable, yes, but there’s a difference in that an writing a character so he’s become weak. When Jim first sees the scar across his throat, he thinks of himself as Frankenstein. We know Jim has always felt his senses made him a freak and now he feels his appearance has added to that. He would have liked to be nicer to his partner and given her more advice, but feels awkward about writing her a letter, partly because he feels his handwriting is ugly. Blair gets him to try to learn ASL, but Jim is frustrated. It’s hard for him to see much as being positive. He doesn’t get out much and doesn’t see people, and when Blair calls him a “recluse” they attend a Super Bowl party at a bar with the gang from Major Crime. Jim doesn’t have a good time.
He must have looked exactly like he felt, because people kept asking him all night if he was okay. I’m a mute in a sports bar, he wanted to say. Is there anything more fucking pointless in life? The chili wasn’t that great, and even though football was still enjoyable in sign language when he was home alone with Blair, he was neither home nor alone with Blair. He was standing like a wallflower by the jukebox, listening to his friends yell and boo and taunt and threaten and jeer at a box that couldn’t talk back to them.
Hth has thought of many little ways that life is hard when you can no longer speak. And though Blair is always there for him, even that is difficult for Jim too. Blair is supportive but the normally loquascious man becomes nearly as quiet as Jim, as though Jim’s lack of speech makes him feel as though he should be silent too. And Jim misses Blair talking as much as he misses being able to talk.
After the Super Bowl party, they’re on their way back to the truck and Blair is walking backwards ahead of Jim so that he can see what Jim is signing and Jim becomes frustrated, telling Blair, “Talk! I’m not deaf!” And that’s when Blair breaks. He yells that sometimes he hates Jim for the way he’s closed himself off since his injury but he also loves him and is glad that he’s the one Jim allows to help him. Unable to tell Blair to shut up the way he would have before when Sandburg got introspective, Jim just kisses him.
And then they climb in the truck and show each other how they feel. It’s cathartic and hot and bittersweet and completely in character. Even then, the author has Jim realize certain things that are different because he can’t speak. The writing is powerful, full of emotion but not overdone. Even if you shy away from disability fic, I certainly think you should give this great story a try. I wish Hth had written more Sentinel fic, but it’s the only one, though other fandoms are represented on their AO3 page.
Lexicon
Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Length: 8338 words
Author on LJ: unknown
Author Website: on AO3
Why this must be read:
Because I’m a sucker for a Jim Ellison that is damaged and trying to cope. In this story, set post TSbyBS, Blair has not become a cop and while partnered with a young female detective, Jim is gravely wounded. He suffers a knife wound to the throat and thinks he’s dying when it happens, wishing it was Blair who would be with him in his final moments instead of his new partner. He’s never told Blair how he feels and believes he’ll die without being able to.
Jim doesn’t die, but he still can’t tell Blair how he feels, because his vocal cords were destroyed. He’s retired from the police force and sent home to recuperate. I’ve seen many stories with permanent disability for Blair before, even one where the talkative anthroplogist loses his ability to talk, but you don’t see as much of this thing done with Jim. For my part, I like seeing the characters usually considered tougher suffer. Jim was never overly talkative, but once he loses his voice, he has many regrets over the things he can no longer say.
Hth handles all Jim’s reactions with sentitivity and never makes Jim weak in her story. He’s vulnerable, yes, but there’s a difference in that an writing a character so he’s become weak. When Jim first sees the scar across his throat, he thinks of himself as Frankenstein. We know Jim has always felt his senses made him a freak and now he feels his appearance has added to that. He would have liked to be nicer to his partner and given her more advice, but feels awkward about writing her a letter, partly because he feels his handwriting is ugly. Blair gets him to try to learn ASL, but Jim is frustrated. It’s hard for him to see much as being positive. He doesn’t get out much and doesn’t see people, and when Blair calls him a “recluse” they attend a Super Bowl party at a bar with the gang from Major Crime. Jim doesn’t have a good time.
He must have looked exactly like he felt, because people kept asking him all night if he was okay. I’m a mute in a sports bar, he wanted to say. Is there anything more fucking pointless in life? The chili wasn’t that great, and even though football was still enjoyable in sign language when he was home alone with Blair, he was neither home nor alone with Blair. He was standing like a wallflower by the jukebox, listening to his friends yell and boo and taunt and threaten and jeer at a box that couldn’t talk back to them.
Hth has thought of many little ways that life is hard when you can no longer speak. And though Blair is always there for him, even that is difficult for Jim too. Blair is supportive but the normally loquascious man becomes nearly as quiet as Jim, as though Jim’s lack of speech makes him feel as though he should be silent too. And Jim misses Blair talking as much as he misses being able to talk.
After the Super Bowl party, they’re on their way back to the truck and Blair is walking backwards ahead of Jim so that he can see what Jim is signing and Jim becomes frustrated, telling Blair, “Talk! I’m not deaf!” And that’s when Blair breaks. He yells that sometimes he hates Jim for the way he’s closed himself off since his injury but he also loves him and is glad that he’s the one Jim allows to help him. Unable to tell Blair to shut up the way he would have before when Sandburg got introspective, Jim just kisses him.
And then they climb in the truck and show each other how they feel. It’s cathartic and hot and bittersweet and completely in character. Even then, the author has Jim realize certain things that are different because he can’t speak. The writing is powerful, full of emotion but not overdone. Even if you shy away from disability fic, I certainly think you should give this great story a try. I wish Hth had written more Sentinel fic, but it’s the only one, though other fandoms are represented on their AO3 page.
Lexicon