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crack_van2012-11-29 08:38 pm
duonoaikouka.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2012-11-29 08:38 pm
Be My Escape by pensgarth (Mature)
Fandom: MERLIN
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, background Leon/Morgana and Lancelot/Gwen
Length: ~36,000 words
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pensgarth
Author Website: AO3
Warnings: please pay special attention to the specified warnings (make sure to highlight to see) ; there are several that might make this story very touchy for some people.
Why this must be read:
Author's Summary: When his best friend dies, a little bit of Merlin dies with him. He's struggling with self-harm, Hunith's struggling with alcoholism and everything seems hopeless. Then he meets Arthur Pendragon, someone who might be able to put him back together. Except Arthur's got problems too, and not everything is that simple. Can they make it work?
If you want a story that just makes you feel, then this is definitely the fic for you. Everything is immediate, vibrant, and very much at the forefront of your soul. Now be warned, there is some very dark stuff explored. Themes of self harm, suicide, child abuse, and bullying bring the angst, pain, and melancholy to incredible levels. This fic is the first to make me cry this much in a long time.
And yet, there are brighter themes and emotions to even out the dark. We get romance, healing, friendship, and overcoming addiction and prejudice. Merlin's journey from the depths of despair to the brightness of a loving, healing relationship, with Arthur, his mother, and his friends, is an emotional journey that will stay with you for days and leave you gasping for breath.
He could feel the sadness settling in his body. It was the black haze at the edge of his vision, and the weight in his chest. It kept him up at night as he tried to work out what he’d done wrong to deserve this, and kept him in his bed the next morning, every move triggering a physical ache inside of him. It was the way he rested his head against the cool bathroom tiles, glad that Gaius hadn’t heard him throwing up this time. It was the way the knife no longer shook when he cut into the skin of his arm; the way cutting was the only thing that made him happy these days.
Going to see his mother made it worse. She would shout and drink, and he would curl into a ball on the blow–up mattress, silently crying as he listened to her clattering around the kitchen, shouting about her fucking son messing things up again, internally chanting the mantra of it’s only the alcohol talking, it’s only the alcohol talking and praying for her to recover soon.
The next morning he’d kiss her on the cheek as he got ready to leave, and she’d tell him that she missed him. He’d smile – something he’d become very good at faking – and tell her he didn’t mind, as long as she was getting better.
***
Two weeks into the start of term, Merlin was sitting at the back of his English classroom. His eyes followed the blond boy across the room, not leaving his face until he sat down at the desk in front.
Arthur Pendragon.
He sighed, then quickly ducked his head in case anyone had seen him looking, a blush already spreading over his cheeks.
Arthur would never like him anyway – never even notice him – so he might as well carry on making notes on his book rather than fantasise about making out with certain blond haired sports god on his bed.
Be My Escape
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, background Leon/Morgana and Lancelot/Gwen
Length: ~36,000 words
Author on LJ:
pensgarthAuthor Website: AO3
Warnings: please pay special attention to the specified warnings (make sure to highlight to see) ; there are several that might make this story very touchy for some people.
Why this must be read:
Author's Summary: When his best friend dies, a little bit of Merlin dies with him. He's struggling with self-harm, Hunith's struggling with alcoholism and everything seems hopeless. Then he meets Arthur Pendragon, someone who might be able to put him back together. Except Arthur's got problems too, and not everything is that simple. Can they make it work?
If you want a story that just makes you feel, then this is definitely the fic for you. Everything is immediate, vibrant, and very much at the forefront of your soul. Now be warned, there is some very dark stuff explored. Themes of self harm, suicide, child abuse, and bullying bring the angst, pain, and melancholy to incredible levels. This fic is the first to make me cry this much in a long time.
And yet, there are brighter themes and emotions to even out the dark. We get romance, healing, friendship, and overcoming addiction and prejudice. Merlin's journey from the depths of despair to the brightness of a loving, healing relationship, with Arthur, his mother, and his friends, is an emotional journey that will stay with you for days and leave you gasping for breath.
He could feel the sadness settling in his body. It was the black haze at the edge of his vision, and the weight in his chest. It kept him up at night as he tried to work out what he’d done wrong to deserve this, and kept him in his bed the next morning, every move triggering a physical ache inside of him. It was the way he rested his head against the cool bathroom tiles, glad that Gaius hadn’t heard him throwing up this time. It was the way the knife no longer shook when he cut into the skin of his arm; the way cutting was the only thing that made him happy these days.
Going to see his mother made it worse. She would shout and drink, and he would curl into a ball on the blow–up mattress, silently crying as he listened to her clattering around the kitchen, shouting about her fucking son messing things up again, internally chanting the mantra of it’s only the alcohol talking, it’s only the alcohol talking and praying for her to recover soon.
The next morning he’d kiss her on the cheek as he got ready to leave, and she’d tell him that she missed him. He’d smile – something he’d become very good at faking – and tell her he didn’t mind, as long as she was getting better.
***
Two weeks into the start of term, Merlin was sitting at the back of his English classroom. His eyes followed the blond boy across the room, not leaving his face until he sat down at the desk in front.
Arthur Pendragon.
He sighed, then quickly ducked his head in case anyone had seen him looking, a blush already spreading over his cheeks.
Arthur would never like him anyway – never even notice him – so he might as well carry on making notes on his book rather than fantasise about making out with certain blond haired sports god on his bed.
Be My Escape
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