Ezperanza, by Silvia Kundera (G)

[moireach.livejournal.com]

Fandom: BUFFY: THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Pairing: Xander/Buffy, Xander/Anya
Author on LJ: silviakundera
Author Website: Silvia Kundera (mirror)
Why this must be read: Xander is Buffy's everyman, the Jossian stand-in, and one of the hardest characters to pin down in fic, which often takes him to extremes of villainy or sainthood. Truth is, Xander is flawed and goodhearted in equal measure; he's the ordinary guy in a world of superheroes and vampires and both his greatest and worst moments revolve around that fact, as does this fic.

Xander is literally (see "Primeval") and figuratively the heart of Buffy and this is his story. The Xander who was and is: shaped by his love for Buffy, both then and now, and his flaws; his self-awareness, his stark, quiet hope. It's easy to forget that behind all the wisecracks there's someone always watching, wise in the way only Sunnydale kids can be. This is not a 'shipper story, despite the pairings I've listed; this is Xander, and it's breathstealingly beautifully written. Lyrical and astute and bittersweet and it makes me ache and love and rereread it. It's about growing up and hanging on and taking what you can get and all the moments along the way. About how he got sucked into this world, adoration and chances. Plus it gets bonus points for really lovely and effective use of second person. Some quotes:

You are whatever age you are at the moment, and also sixteen. You are so painfully breath-stealing in love with her.

*

You're not a good man, and you know this.

Things are sharp for you, stark, and you're too sudden for her world. You think in singular instead of plural.

*

You say, "Well, try. I'll wait," and you don't know you mean it. You mean forever before you're old enough to understand what that means, and by then it's too late.

Go. Read. You won't regret it.

Esperanza