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crack_van2013-10-19 05:48 pm
cybermathwitch.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2013-10-19 05:48 pm
Entry tags:
An Arrow, Discarded and Out is Through by AlliSnow (Mature)
Fandom: THE AVENGERS (MOVIEVERSE)
Pairing: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Length: 5407 and 6936 respectively
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
allisnow
Author Website: LJ or AO3
Why this must be read:
I read this fic early on in my forays into Avengers fandom, and it's always stuck with me. Clint and Natasha are both written very believably here - lost and emotionally raw following Loki's manipulations and the aftermath of the movie. Natasha knows something is wrong with Clint, though she doesn't guess what it is (at least not correctly) right away. Clint is fighting for his sanity, Natasha is fighting for their partnership, andallisnow weaves the stories through their two opposing points of view.
"An Arrow, Discarded" is a chilling look at what Loki put in Clint's head, images and desires that he can't escape as easily as he did the overt control Loki had over him, because once things are thought and felt, they can't ever entirely be undone. Natasha, meanwhile (in "Out is Through") is struggling to deal with an experience that was truly hers - not something that happened to a persona or a cover she could easily discard or file away in the recesses of her mind. At the same time that she's trying to regain her footing, she can tell that Clint is slipping away from her and sabotaging their partnership, but she doesn't know why. (Or how to fix it.)
The language is beautiful and emotionally descriptive, those emotions are raw and intense, and the connection between the two of them is deep but fragile, and she shows how they rebuild both themselves and each other through that connection.
Please read and heed the author's warnings - there's some pretty heavy stuff here. To those, I would also add that she includes some very vivid (and accurate) depictions of anxiety and panic attacks.
"It feels like a virus,” he tells her. “Like a worm, something he planted inside my brain, and it all comes back to you because that's the kind of asshole he is. He wants it to matter. He wants it to hurt."
She doesn’t answer, just keeps looking at him evenly, and he keeps talking, because in the quiet all he can hear are those small sounds of distress she made as Clint-Hawkeye-Loki cut her and raped her and killed her in the depths of the Helicarrier. "You know what I did," he says. It isn't a question. "You know what he wanted me to do." Neither is that.
Her eyes flicker away from his face and it's all the acknowledgment he needs, even more than when she says, too lightly, "I got the general idea." And then she continues, demands, "So that's it? This is just... over? You want me to call Fury and tell him you're still compromised?" Her mouth twists. "You know there are men who wouldn't ask twice. They'd be happy to agree you were a threat, to lock you up and study you, and they'd do the same to Selvig and the others. Is that what you want?"
The thought of being restrained and sedated is briefly tantalizing, but only briefly. In truth he doesn't want any of that. He wants the impossible; he wants things the way they were before, wants Lhasa and La Paz and Damascus and even Budapest, before gods and robots and monsters and relics from the past.
He wants Coulson alive and Fury's pet project from hell still on the shelf and nothing worse in the world than what human beings do to one another, because damn, that's bad enough. He’s as bad as Rogers in this way; he wants things to be simple because simple is all he feels capable of handling right now.
An Arrow, Discarded AO3 or LJ and Out is Through AO3 or LJ
Author's Summary:
He is Clint Barton and he is Hawkeye and he is Loki and he is a rime of blue ice. He is an arrow loosed from a madman's bow.
and
Natasha is not afraid of dreams. (She dreams, but she does not remember.)
If you like the story(s), please remember to take a moment and let the author know. It will absolutely make their day!
Pairing: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Length: 5407 and 6936 respectively
Author on LJ:
allisnowAuthor Website: LJ or AO3
Why this must be read:
I read this fic early on in my forays into Avengers fandom, and it's always stuck with me. Clint and Natasha are both written very believably here - lost and emotionally raw following Loki's manipulations and the aftermath of the movie. Natasha knows something is wrong with Clint, though she doesn't guess what it is (at least not correctly) right away. Clint is fighting for his sanity, Natasha is fighting for their partnership, and
allisnow weaves the stories through their two opposing points of view. "An Arrow, Discarded" is a chilling look at what Loki put in Clint's head, images and desires that he can't escape as easily as he did the overt control Loki had over him, because once things are thought and felt, they can't ever entirely be undone. Natasha, meanwhile (in "Out is Through") is struggling to deal with an experience that was truly hers - not something that happened to a persona or a cover she could easily discard or file away in the recesses of her mind. At the same time that she's trying to regain her footing, she can tell that Clint is slipping away from her and sabotaging their partnership, but she doesn't know why. (Or how to fix it.)
The language is beautiful and emotionally descriptive, those emotions are raw and intense, and the connection between the two of them is deep but fragile, and she shows how they rebuild both themselves and each other through that connection.
Please read and heed the author's warnings - there's some pretty heavy stuff here. To those, I would also add that she includes some very vivid (and accurate) depictions of anxiety and panic attacks.
"It feels like a virus,” he tells her. “Like a worm, something he planted inside my brain, and it all comes back to you because that's the kind of asshole he is. He wants it to matter. He wants it to hurt."
She doesn’t answer, just keeps looking at him evenly, and he keeps talking, because in the quiet all he can hear are those small sounds of distress she made as Clint-Hawkeye-Loki cut her and raped her and killed her in the depths of the Helicarrier. "You know what I did," he says. It isn't a question. "You know what he wanted me to do." Neither is that.
Her eyes flicker away from his face and it's all the acknowledgment he needs, even more than when she says, too lightly, "I got the general idea." And then she continues, demands, "So that's it? This is just... over? You want me to call Fury and tell him you're still compromised?" Her mouth twists. "You know there are men who wouldn't ask twice. They'd be happy to agree you were a threat, to lock you up and study you, and they'd do the same to Selvig and the others. Is that what you want?"
The thought of being restrained and sedated is briefly tantalizing, but only briefly. In truth he doesn't want any of that. He wants the impossible; he wants things the way they were before, wants Lhasa and La Paz and Damascus and even Budapest, before gods and robots and monsters and relics from the past.
He wants Coulson alive and Fury's pet project from hell still on the shelf and nothing worse in the world than what human beings do to one another, because damn, that's bad enough. He’s as bad as Rogers in this way; he wants things to be simple because simple is all he feels capable of handling right now.
An Arrow, Discarded AO3 or LJ and Out is Through AO3 or LJ
Author's Summary:
He is Clint Barton and he is Hawkeye and he is Loki and he is a rime of blue ice. He is an arrow loosed from a madman's bow.
and
Natasha is not afraid of dreams. (She dreams, but she does not remember.)
If you like the story(s), please remember to take a moment and let the author know. It will absolutely make their day!