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crack_van2004-08-19 09:29 am
kraken-wakes.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2004-08-19 09:29 am
Entry tags:
How To Date A Beautiful Woman by Misty Flores (R)
Fandom: Angel
Author: Misty Flores
Author's Website: Imperfect
Pairing: Angel/Cordelia, Wesley/Faith, Gunn/Fred
Rating: R
Why this must be read:
Summary: Lorne has his hands full when three men who love three brunettes reveal three stories that meld surprisingly - and the three brunettes go missing. (set after Dad with spoilers for Birthday).
This is an epic story. Well. It's epic length in length. The actual storyline (and bearing in mind that there are technically three separate stories going on and six different narrators) isn't on an epic scale (ie, the end of the world isn't nigh) but it's serious
enough. This is a fantastic read. It's funny, painful and touching by turns. Misty's characterisation is spot on and the three relationships are very different - but somehow, utterly believable. It may seem a tad contrived having everyone paired off but make no mistake, each of the relationships has its own pitfalls and nothing is easy - not until the Jossverse as a whole, I suppose. She made me like Faith as a character and be interested in her and the interaction between Cordelia and Faith in this story is one of the strongest things in it.
And it's funny - and not just in the witty repartee kind of way or the slapstick kind of way but also in the ow-that-hurts-very-black-humour kind of way because things don't go right and people make mistakes and they get hurt and since this is AtS, the ways in which they can get hurt can be... creative.
Angel looked slightly alarmed, shifting in his seat before cocking his head. "What?"
"Yes, Angel," Wesley began testily, turning what seemed to be rather... angry eyes on the vampire.
Lorne sat up, eyes widening. Well...
"I would like an explanation for the position I found you in with -"
"Don't even, Wesley," The vampire growled back. "If it wasn't for you this damn thing wouldn't have even happened!"
"Hey, dude, don't you claw into Wesley," Gunn muttered.
"Thank you, Gunn."
"Not until I get a good fist into the bastard's face for doing what he did with my -"
Lorne's jaw dropped, sitting up at the sudden hostile turn the events had taken.
"WOAH! WOAH!" Gulping helplessly, Lorne waved emphatic arms in each of their faces, forcing the now standing men to turn their angry glares on him. "Can we turn the dial down on that testosterone? I'm getting a little queasy from it."
"Forget it," Angel growled, slamming his hands on the counters before pushing away, heading for the stairs.
"ANGEL." The vampire paused, and Lorne sighed, making sure the other two stayed put before rounding the counter and padding after the vampire in his fluffy, comfy, bunny shaped loafers. "I know Angst 'n Brood is big with you, but obviously it's not doing well for you right now." Taking one cotton swabbed arm, Lorne pulled back, muscles straining when the big strapping hunk of a hero didn't budge. "Uh... it helps if you move, Big Guy."
"I'm not sitting anywhere with him."
"Ditto on that, bro -" Gunn said, pushing up.
"Bloody hell - leave you pissy farts," Wesley growled, holding the steak to his black eye, attempting to look as furious as possible, "See if I bloody care -"
Once again the situation had gotten just completely out of control.
"Alright, STOP RIGHT THERE." When no one seemed to listen, Lorne closed his eyes, pushed down the anger, and finally just let out a belting, "THE HILLS ARE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUUUUUSICCCCCCCCCCCCCC!"
The rather nice rendition made them all freeze, Gunn's hands moving to cover his ears and Angel visibly flinching.
"That's right," Lorne said, grinning. "And I've got plenty more where that came from, so sit those tight butts down or I'll keep right on going with `My Favorite Things', and trust me, I can belt that sucker until my head bursts - and that's not much of a problem."
When Angel hesitated, Lorne began warningly, "Snowflakes that stay on your nose and eyelashes-"
"ANGEL, JUST SIDDOWN!" Gunn bellowed, burying his head into his folded arms.
"Fine, fine," the vampire growled, turning back and pulling the stool further away from Wesley, flopping into it.
Lorne sighed, hands on his hips as he viewed the three compatriots. "Look at you three. I'm ashamed, truly ashamed. You three are friends. Family."
"Dude, if you start with the `mother guilt trip' shit I'm gonna -"
"What? Shoot up my bar or blow it up? Oh wait. You already did that."
That was enough to clamp Gunn's mouth shut, and Wesley gave an uncomfortable little shuffle.
"That was cold," Gunn muttered.
Angel just closed his eyes, burying his head into his hands.
How To Date A Beautiful Woman by Misty Flores
Author: Misty Flores
Author's Website: Imperfect
Pairing: Angel/Cordelia, Wesley/Faith, Gunn/Fred
Rating: R
Why this must be read:
Summary: Lorne has his hands full when three men who love three brunettes reveal three stories that meld surprisingly - and the three brunettes go missing. (set after Dad with spoilers for Birthday).
This is an epic story. Well. It's epic length in length. The actual storyline (and bearing in mind that there are technically three separate stories going on and six different narrators) isn't on an epic scale (ie, the end of the world isn't nigh) but it's serious
enough. This is a fantastic read. It's funny, painful and touching by turns. Misty's characterisation is spot on and the three relationships are very different - but somehow, utterly believable. It may seem a tad contrived having everyone paired off but make no mistake, each of the relationships has its own pitfalls and nothing is easy - not until the Jossverse as a whole, I suppose. She made me like Faith as a character and be interested in her and the interaction between Cordelia and Faith in this story is one of the strongest things in it.
And it's funny - and not just in the witty repartee kind of way or the slapstick kind of way but also in the ow-that-hurts-very-black-humour kind of way because things don't go right and people make mistakes and they get hurt and since this is AtS, the ways in which they can get hurt can be... creative.
Angel looked slightly alarmed, shifting in his seat before cocking his head. "What?"
"Yes, Angel," Wesley began testily, turning what seemed to be rather... angry eyes on the vampire.
Lorne sat up, eyes widening. Well...
"I would like an explanation for the position I found you in with -"
"Don't even, Wesley," The vampire growled back. "If it wasn't for you this damn thing wouldn't have even happened!"
"Hey, dude, don't you claw into Wesley," Gunn muttered.
"Thank you, Gunn."
"Not until I get a good fist into the bastard's face for doing what he did with my -"
Lorne's jaw dropped, sitting up at the sudden hostile turn the events had taken.
"WOAH! WOAH!" Gulping helplessly, Lorne waved emphatic arms in each of their faces, forcing the now standing men to turn their angry glares on him. "Can we turn the dial down on that testosterone? I'm getting a little queasy from it."
"Forget it," Angel growled, slamming his hands on the counters before pushing away, heading for the stairs.
"ANGEL." The vampire paused, and Lorne sighed, making sure the other two stayed put before rounding the counter and padding after the vampire in his fluffy, comfy, bunny shaped loafers. "I know Angst 'n Brood is big with you, but obviously it's not doing well for you right now." Taking one cotton swabbed arm, Lorne pulled back, muscles straining when the big strapping hunk of a hero didn't budge. "Uh... it helps if you move, Big Guy."
"I'm not sitting anywhere with him."
"Ditto on that, bro -" Gunn said, pushing up.
"Bloody hell - leave you pissy farts," Wesley growled, holding the steak to his black eye, attempting to look as furious as possible, "See if I bloody care -"
Once again the situation had gotten just completely out of control.
"Alright, STOP RIGHT THERE." When no one seemed to listen, Lorne closed his eyes, pushed down the anger, and finally just let out a belting, "THE HILLS ARE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUUUUUSICCCCCCCCCCCCCC!"
The rather nice rendition made them all freeze, Gunn's hands moving to cover his ears and Angel visibly flinching.
"That's right," Lorne said, grinning. "And I've got plenty more where that came from, so sit those tight butts down or I'll keep right on going with `My Favorite Things', and trust me, I can belt that sucker until my head bursts - and that's not much of a problem."
When Angel hesitated, Lorne began warningly, "Snowflakes that stay on your nose and eyelashes-"
"ANGEL, JUST SIDDOWN!" Gunn bellowed, burying his head into his folded arms.
"Fine, fine," the vampire growled, turning back and pulling the stool further away from Wesley, flopping into it.
Lorne sighed, hands on his hips as he viewed the three compatriots. "Look at you three. I'm ashamed, truly ashamed. You three are friends. Family."
"Dude, if you start with the `mother guilt trip' shit I'm gonna -"
"What? Shoot up my bar or blow it up? Oh wait. You already did that."
That was enough to clamp Gunn's mouth shut, and Wesley gave an uncomfortable little shuffle.
"That was cold," Gunn muttered.
Angel just closed his eyes, burying his head into his hands.
How To Date A Beautiful Woman by Misty Flores
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