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crack_van2004-08-31 10:06 pm
fbf.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2004-08-31 10:06 pm
The Pit, The Pooch, And The Hooch by Kixxa (PG-13)
Fandom: Farscape
Pairings: n/a
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kixxa
Author's Website: Unknown
Why this must be read:
Kixxa is a master of the quirky, the odd, the strangely funny, the out and out bizarre. She also creates some of the best written worlds and original characters I have ever read. She took a species that we only saw once and created an entire culture. She crafted these people and gave them each a distinct personality and motivation. She created Peacekeeper bureaucrats and Grudek blushing virgins. All of them real and three-dimensional. Well, three-dimensional in a broad stroke way, but they all want something and try their damnedest to get it.
Technically this is an AU from S4's Crichton Kicks. I say technically because the spoiler is small and doesn't come in till, really, the very end but it could just be a future fic and it would work. The real spoilers are what Grudeks and Brindz Hounds look and sound like. That visual is very important to truly appreciate one scene later in the piece that take the idea of the Farmer's Daughter to new heights.
This is one of the funniest pieces I have read in a long time. In parts, I laughed so hard I cried. It is clever and well written with tongue firmly placed in check. Besides, how can you not like something with Pebo in it.
Excerpt:
A heavy door swings open with a grating creak, and Ilkog looks up expectantly. Nukana approaches through the gloom, followed by three shuffling servants, heads bowed in meek submission. The grey-garbed servers struggle under trays bearing jugs of an amber liquid. Stout glasses rimmed with gold filigree gleam in the sallow light. Ilkog's children caper around the harrassed servers, tugging at their threadbare clothing, swinging from their overburdened arms. While Ilkog watches the charming scene with fond amusement, Vroder takes the opportunity to flick a few crumbs from his lap to the floor.
"Ah! The hootch!" Ilkog swings around, lowering his voice and winking confidentially. "This drink...nothing like this have you tasted..."
"I'm sure," Vroder says politely, managing to suppress a shudder. "We are truly fortunate." He directs a quick glare at his unhappy Officers.
"We are honoured," they both chime with a lack of enthusiasm.
Vroder looks on with suspicion as the finger-grubbed glasses are filled. He notes with a flood of relief that Ilkog's glass and his own are being poured from the same jug. Poisoning as a means of disabling an enemy is not beyond the Grudeks. Hadn't Captain Satch succumbed only last week to stomach cramps that would have floored a budong? Then, Grudek hospitality had appeared in the form of crackers and a dubious tray of multi-coloured dips that the normally fastidious Satch had taken a fancy to. At the Peacekeeper Garrison back in Spetchla City, the lab techs are still analysing the dip samples, and the med techs are still analysing Captain Satch. With the fear of being poisoned uppermost in his mind, Vroder regards the brimming glass with a twinge of apprehension.
Still, he manages a faint smile when the drink is passed to him by a cowering server. It is only when Ilkog raises his glass in salute, before taking a series of ringing gulps, that Vroder risks a prim sip. However, it seems the drink is fine. In fact, it is quite the best thing that Vroder has ever tasted. Mellow and smooth, like the lingering warmth of that Argellian summer of so many cycles ago. That gentle and bucolic time on Argellia when he blossomed into the man he is today. Subsiding into gentle reminiscence, he takes a long draught from his glass, a small smile playing around his lips.
The Pit, The Pooch, And The Hootch
And with this recc I give the keys tosimplystars. Thanks for riding in the van with me this month. It's been a blast and who knows maybe we'll meet again on some dark road when a van will pull up, the window will roll down and I'll ask you if you want to take a ride. Until then may your chakan cartridges be always full and may your plans not be John's. Later!
Pairings: n/a
Author on LJ:
kixxaAuthor's Website: Unknown
Why this must be read:
Kixxa is a master of the quirky, the odd, the strangely funny, the out and out bizarre. She also creates some of the best written worlds and original characters I have ever read. She took a species that we only saw once and created an entire culture. She crafted these people and gave them each a distinct personality and motivation. She created Peacekeeper bureaucrats and Grudek blushing virgins. All of them real and three-dimensional. Well, three-dimensional in a broad stroke way, but they all want something and try their damnedest to get it.
Technically this is an AU from S4's Crichton Kicks. I say technically because the spoiler is small and doesn't come in till, really, the very end but it could just be a future fic and it would work. The real spoilers are what Grudeks and Brindz Hounds look and sound like. That visual is very important to truly appreciate one scene later in the piece that take the idea of the Farmer's Daughter to new heights.
This is one of the funniest pieces I have read in a long time. In parts, I laughed so hard I cried. It is clever and well written with tongue firmly placed in check. Besides, how can you not like something with Pebo in it.
Excerpt:
A heavy door swings open with a grating creak, and Ilkog looks up expectantly. Nukana approaches through the gloom, followed by three shuffling servants, heads bowed in meek submission. The grey-garbed servers struggle under trays bearing jugs of an amber liquid. Stout glasses rimmed with gold filigree gleam in the sallow light. Ilkog's children caper around the harrassed servers, tugging at their threadbare clothing, swinging from their overburdened arms. While Ilkog watches the charming scene with fond amusement, Vroder takes the opportunity to flick a few crumbs from his lap to the floor.
"Ah! The hootch!" Ilkog swings around, lowering his voice and winking confidentially. "This drink...nothing like this have you tasted..."
"I'm sure," Vroder says politely, managing to suppress a shudder. "We are truly fortunate." He directs a quick glare at his unhappy Officers.
"We are honoured," they both chime with a lack of enthusiasm.
Vroder looks on with suspicion as the finger-grubbed glasses are filled. He notes with a flood of relief that Ilkog's glass and his own are being poured from the same jug. Poisoning as a means of disabling an enemy is not beyond the Grudeks. Hadn't Captain Satch succumbed only last week to stomach cramps that would have floored a budong? Then, Grudek hospitality had appeared in the form of crackers and a dubious tray of multi-coloured dips that the normally fastidious Satch had taken a fancy to. At the Peacekeeper Garrison back in Spetchla City, the lab techs are still analysing the dip samples, and the med techs are still analysing Captain Satch. With the fear of being poisoned uppermost in his mind, Vroder regards the brimming glass with a twinge of apprehension.
Still, he manages a faint smile when the drink is passed to him by a cowering server. It is only when Ilkog raises his glass in salute, before taking a series of ringing gulps, that Vroder risks a prim sip. However, it seems the drink is fine. In fact, it is quite the best thing that Vroder has ever tasted. Mellow and smooth, like the lingering warmth of that Argellian summer of so many cycles ago. That gentle and bucolic time on Argellia when he blossomed into the man he is today. Subsiding into gentle reminiscence, he takes a long draught from his glass, a small smile playing around his lips.
The Pit, The Pooch, And The Hootch
And with this recc I give the keys to
simplystars. Thanks for riding in the van with me this month. It's been a blast and who knows maybe we'll meet again on some dark road when a van will pull up, the window will roll down and I'll ask you if you want to take a ride. Until then may your chakan cartridges be always full and may your plans not be John's. Later!
no subject
;P
no subject
Or as my father-in-law said to me on my wedding day, pulling the car up to take me to the hall, rolling down the window and smiling at me in my white confection of a dress, "Want some candy little girl?"
P.S. I love Pebo!