Small Fry and Son of Small Fry by Mad Poetess and James Walkswithwind (PG-15)

[kraken-wakes.livejournal.com]

Fandom: BtVS/Angel crossover
Authors on lj: mpoetess and gilascave
Author websites: Pointy Stakes and Gila's Cave
Pairing: Spike/Xander/(Anya), Wesley/Gunn, Willow/Tara
Rating: PG-15 (to be safe)
Why this must be read:


I have an embarrassing love of these stories. Seriously. I haven't laughed so much in ages. Basically, the Scoobies find this ancient and mysterious artefact in the Magic Shop that they shouldn't touch. Of course, they only discover that they shouldn't touch it after Spike, Xander, Giles and Buffy have handled it. It has a certain, um, regressive effect upon them... This does carry a serious warning. You may think you can handle four-year-old Xander (biiiig puppy-dog eyes) and four-year-old Buffy but you will never survive four-year-old Spike or four-year-old Giles. And if you managed that, you'll be a gonna when the Fang Gang drop by.

Son of Small Fry continues in much the same vein although most of the action is transferred to LA and a hint of a nefarious plot begins to make itself known.

These are two superbly crafted stories. As ever, the characterisation is to die for although the general feel of the stories is more 'Something Blue' than 'Passion'. Aside from the obvious humour, there is some interesting character development (especially with Buffy and Giles) and some poignant background story supplied by the interaction between Willow and Xander.



It took them a few minutes to get everyone sorted out -- Tara fetched more books, and soon everyone was studying. More or less studying, Spike and Xander were tussling over who got to lie on the rug where the floor wasn't cold, and everyone else was taking turns denying that it was their turn to separate the two.

When Dawn asked Buffy, who was seated with a book of her own, if she needed crayons, chaos erupted again for a moment. Buffy demonstrated that she still had her Slayer powers -- and Dawn proved that being tall could make up for a lot. She held Buffy upside-down until her sister promised not to knock her over, again. Giles' scolding them did no good, and finally he followed Tara into the other room, and climbed up the bookcase to fetch another book he wanted.

And was grabbed by a customer, who started scolding him for doing something so dangerous.

"Look, I am *not*..." Giles spluttered, and Tara had to come to his rescue-- and get him to shut up.

"Supposed to be out here by yourself, young man," she covered quickly. "Now get right back in there and sit down."

"But I want..." He obviously realized she was right, as his experience with smoothing over Slayer-related situations came to the fore, and he lowered his voice to a sullen whisper. "Just wanted the LaVaux Treatise."

"Well, next time, let a grown-up get your mom's book for her. You're too small to be out here climbing shelves and getting into trouble!" She smiled brightly and thanked the man who had 'rescued' Giles, before grabbing the book in question and shooing the four-year-old Watcher into the back room before her.

Giles went, muttering under his breath in what was obviously not English.

He stomped over to his desk -- then stopped, and shook himself. He turned to Tara and accepted the book she was holding out, with much more dignity than he'd shown. "Thank you, Tara. Perhaps it would be best if we closed the shop for the time being."

"Shouldn't be too hard. There's nobody left but that last guy, anyway, and he's just pricing crystal balls and looking at the pictures of naked dryads -- not planning on buying today." Tara stood in the doorway, where she could watch both the shop, and the goings-on in the back.

"Oo! Is this it? Tall and funky?" Buffy called out, and jumped up with the book she was holding. It was as large as she was, though she carried it easily over to Giles. "The... Urdek-uh?" she read slowly.

He peered at the page, and nodded excitedly. "The Urdeku. It is! Wonderful, now let me just see...." He trailed off as he read, the others gathered around watching him. Finally he looked up. "There is a reversal spell. A rather easy one, at that."

There was a brief scuffle, as Xander and Spike rolled around on the floor, yelling, " Me! Me! My turn! I wanna say it!"

Xander, having won by dint of the fact that he was sitting on Spike's head, effectively cutting off any attempt Spike might make, finally wheezed, "Okay-- what's the catch?"

"Have to eat bugs?" Buffy guessed. It was a reasonable, if gross, thought. Tara had never come up against a bug-eating spell, herself, but some of the cures for curses tended to be as nasty, or worse, than the original effects.

"Eew! I'm not staying to watch that, thank you," Dawn said, wrinkling her nose in that way that she swore was totally and completely different from the way Buffy did it.

"No..." Giles began, but Spike pushed Xander over and shot his head up.

"Tantric? 'Cos I can do tantric. I mean, it's a big sacrifice and all, but anything for you lot."

Xander gave him a finger flick to the ear. "You can *not* do tantric, you're four years old!"

"Can too!"

"Can..."

"Shut UP! Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" Giles climbed up on the desk again. "Be quiet, all of you!" They actually subsided, and looked at him. Three pair of round, wide eyes looked up at him, and he sighed. "I am never having children of my own. I'm saying this *right* now, and I mean it." He rubbed at his face, looking a tad startled when his hand encountered no glasses, then he continued. "The spell is rather easy, and we have all the ingredients right here. However--"

"I *knew* there was a however," Buffy muttered. Dawn whapped her lightly on the head. "Ow!"

"Baby. I didn't hurt you."

"What's the 'however', Giles?" Willow asked hurriedly.

"We have to perform the spell under the waning moon. Which is two weeks from now."

He definitely got his requested silence then, as tall people and short people looked at each other with varying degrees of shock and horror.

"Two *weeks*?" Buffy repeated eventually. "But... I've got classes! Wait, what am I saying-- yay, no classes. But... patrolling!"

"You won't miss more than a few classes. Spring Break starts this weekend." Xander pointed out. "You know, girls, fun, sun, beer, all those things I don't do these days."

Spike smacked him, then gave his requisite 'ow.' They'd stopped listening for it after the first week. "What, I'm not fun and Anya's not a girl?"

"Yes, you're not fun, and no, Anya's not a girl, she's a woman. Which I'm..." Xander looked down at his Powerpuff shorts. "Not equipped to deal with for two whole weeks. This sucks."

"Hey, look at it this way, mate," Spike said, slinging an arm around Xander's shoulder. "You can wander about and get 'lost', and pretty girls will pick you up and give you treats while they try to help you find your mum."

Xander frowned at him for a second, then grinned. Willow walked over to them, and stood there, hands on her hips. "Am I going to have to put you two in daycare for two weeks?"

"You wouldn't!" Spike protested. "I'd turn into ashes the first time we got sent out to the playground."

"Sun allergy. They'll keep you inside and make you play with clay."

Willow glared back at him until Spike grumbled his defeat. "It's not fair, she didn't used to be that much taller'n me."

"Nope. Only a little bit taller," Xander teased. "Shortie."

"*Don't* you start up again, young man," Willow ordered, giving him a glare that had always made even his adult-bodied self behave.

"Hello? Spring break equals no classes equals nice, but who's gonna help me patrol?" Buffy had a little bit of whine in her voice, like 'Hey, nobody's paying attention to me...'

"*Help* you patrol? Um, I hate to say this, Buff..."

"Then don't, Will. No *way* am I not patrolling."

"But you're three and a half feet tall!"

"Yeah, you'd need a stepladder just to stake vamps in the bits that a four-year-old ain't supposed to know exist!" Spike said helpfully.

"Look who's talking, mini-vamp!" Buffy turned on him, and Willow put a hand on her shoulder.

"Not you, too. Look, Tara and Dawn and I will take turns patrolling."

"I get to patrol? Awesome!" Dawn shot a power-fist into the air.

"No! You are *not* patrolling," Buffy folded her arms, and for a moment looked exactly like herself.

Dawn just gave her a look. "Do I have to hold you upside-down, again?"

"Look, there's no reason why Buffy can't patrol," Giles began, and was interrupted by a cheer and some shouts. "As long as she doesn't go alone," he concluded at a much louder volume. "It would be very dangerous -- Buffy, you remember when you tried to kick Spike? Your balance is all off, and you could easily be hurt."

"I can practice! Come here, Spike!" Spike ducked behind Xander.

"In the meantime, we have to figure out what we're going to do. I would suggest we simply stay home, and out of trouble...."

He looked around the room, and Tara followed his gaze. Buffy was trying to crawl over Xander to get to Spike, and Spike was taunting her and keeping Xander in between them. Dawn was laughing, while Willow tried to stop doing so long enough to separate the three. "Oh, dear lord." Giles sat down on his desk. "I need a drink."

"No, you don't," Tara said firmly. "That stuff'll stunt your growth."

Go read them now! You know you want to!
Small Fry by James Walkswithwind and Mad Poetess

Son of Small Fry by James Walkswithwind and Mad Poetess

Comments

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

Those are the only Buffy stories I have printed out and in a binder, because they're my comfort stories. It's just impossible to stay miserable with a four-year-old Spike and Giles and the others in your head.

[kraken-wakes.livejournal.com]

*thinks that is a brilliant idea*

They are the ultimate pick-me-up stories...

[rhi-silverflame.livejournal.com]

Also the ultimate Buffyverse crackfic. *nods* I ought to carry them around on my PDA, come to think of it.