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crack_van2005-03-01 06:00 am
sparky77.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2005-03-01 06:00 am
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Lost: An Overview
Lost: An Overview
First off, huge thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shaggirl for her patience. I was supposed to have this up forever ago. The overview was my metaphorical boar or something.
And big huge thanks to all my fabulous NSPs for patiently answering all my random questions that came up while writing this. You all rock!
The overviews contains spoilers up through the most recent episode aired, … In Translation. Lost is bit hard to summarize, so if I left out anything that people think is important, please let me know and I’ll try to fix it.
Lost in less than 325 words
At its most basic level, Lost is a show about the survivors of a plane crash (a flight traveling from Sydney to LA) trying to survive on a mysterious tropical island filled with whispering voices, stampeding boars, monsters that we never get to see, and other assorted oddities. The show was created by J.J. Abrams of Felicity and Alias fame. The creators of the show have also mentioned that they were heavily influenced by The Stand and other assorted novels. So it’s not only a story of island survival, but also supposedly an allegory of good and evil. Each episode shows a bit of the castaways struggle to survive and set up some sort of working society on the island. And, each episode features one character whose background gets explored in depth through a series of flashbacks. And though there are a few exceptions, most of the island residents were not what could be considered model citizens by any stretch of the imagination.
If you want a story of about a group of people pulling together in the face of adversity and overcoming great challenges, this is most definitely not the show for you. It’s pretty much the story of a bunch of severely screwed up people, some searching for redemption, some who have redemption thrust upon them, and some who are just plain creepy trying to exist on an island that doesn’t make any sense. They fight each other. They torture each other. They flirt excessively with each other. Sometimes they even stop with the fighting and the flirting enough to get something productive done. And as added bonus, their past lives are somehow all mysteriously interconnected. It’s basically Survivor crossed with Real World crossed with Steven King crossed with Crack. And it’s pretty fabulous.
I would also say it’s about amazingly hot men who get wet a lot and roll around on the ground, but that would be exceedingly shallow of me, so I won’t say it.
In order to help you all understand the complex world of Lost filled withhot men getting wet and rolling around the ground intrigue, mystery, and bunnies. I present Craphole Island: Your Guide to Island Adventure.
Island History
Congratulations on your choice of our island as your vacation destination. We are confident that whether you yourself chose to come here of if the choice was made for you, that you will enjoy your stay. Please pay no attention to the less than flattering nickname for the island. We can assure you that the name comes from love and not at all from total disgust and frustration with our attractive island location and many fabulous amenities. Also please ignore any dead bodies you may encounter in the water or hanging in or possibly swinging from trees. We can assure you that our murder and accidental death rate is entirely within the norm for an island of our type.
We know that you have many questions about our island and we will do our best to not answer them in the most thorough way possible. You may be wondering where exactly the island is, or how exactly you got here, or what does the monster look like, and why are their polar bears, and is their really a crazy French lady wandering about the jungle; or if you are philosophical in nature you might be wondering if the island really exists, is it the figment of someone’s imagination, does it somehow reflect everyone’s inner most desires and fears, is it a limbo type place where people are tested and must find their path to redemption or damnation, and what does Sawyer look like naked, or does the island in fact contain the last survivors on the planet who now must engage in a apocalyptic battle of good and evil, and why exactly is that hobbit snorting heroin over there?
Excellent questions one and all. And the answer is yes, yes, yes, maybe, because, why not, incredibly hot, no, of course, and what the hell else would a hobbit be doing?
Kidding.
The fact of that matter is we really don’t know what the island is, we only work here and ogle the pretty men and women, but here are all the answers that we have. Our fabulous island of many surprises attracts its visitors with our patented fiery wreck technique that works on both planes and boats. The current island residents are not the first group to inhabit our lovely shores and cozy caves. Most recently a research team was stranded on the island and you can still meet one of survivors. Pay no attention to her talk about infections, and killing people to save them, and menacing sounding ‘others.’ She’s quirky, but it’s people like her that make our island the special and unique place that we love so much. You might also want to visit the historical caves and see the remains of our very own Adam and Eve, though whether or nor they really were the first visitors to our wondrous island is a mystery.
You might also hear mention of The Black Rock, a place that seems fraught with historical significance. You might be tempted to journey there looking for answers and we would like to encourage you to visit our lovely waterfalls and enjoy our many delicious tropical fruits. It’s just a rock. Who cares? You might also think that many of the island’s mysteries can be uncovered by opening the strange hatch in the jungle. And we of course encourage you to try some nice roasted boar and are happy to inform you that sometimes our island residents take their shirts off.
And what of the monster that seems to be able to rip off people’s skin and uproot trees? Where did it come from? And does it have anything to do with the polar bears that occasionally can be seen?
Yes, what of the monster and the polar bear! What an intriguing mystery with an absolutely astonishing and profound answer to which the explanation should be evident from this answer.
We hope you have enjoyed our brief history of our lovely island. And if you have any further questions, we are happy to direct you to the helpful voices that you can occasionally hear in the jungle that we of course don’t hear because we are entirely sane. There are no voices. Forget we mentioned them and enjoy your stay on our happy island.
A Spotters Guide to Island Residents
There is never a dull moment on our island of fun with all the interesting people, flora, and fauna you might encounter on your travels.
Come with us on a magical tour of the island and meet all our unique residents. Watch out for the animals packed with symbolic meaning. From the smallest moth to the largest, meanest boar, you never know when you might meet an animal that represents some aspect of your inner turmoil. Don’t think of it as a nuisance, think of it as free therapy.
Please don’t be alarmed if any of the residents start staring intently off into space. They’re having a flashback. It’s entirely normal and just another happy little quirk of island life.
Over there, notice the leader of our island residents known as Jack Shephard (Mathew Fox).
Yes, he’s usually that grumpy. A reluctant and often cranky leader, Jack loves rescuing people and brooding over his daddy issues. Before he came to our scenic island he turned in his alcoholic father for malpractice resulting in his father fleeing to Australia and possibly dying as a direct or indirect result of his excessive drinking. On the island, Jack can be found playing golf, participating in a love triangle with Kate and Sawyer, or doing something heroic in an exceedingly attractive fashion. We recommend noticing the arms. They’re nice arms. He makes his home in the caves (See our Tips on Island Survival for more information of the Caves on their impressive safety record) and is a great person to visit it you want the very best in surly medical care. 
Do try not to ask him about his father because it can stimulate flashbacks and hallucinations of his father’s ghost.
And the next island resident we come across is Kate (Evangeline Lilly), at least that’s what we think her name is. She has some issues with lying. The easiest way to find Kate is to act like you’re just about to do something interesting and she will most likely pop us and ask to come along. Kate is the mystery girl for our island of intrigue. She’s a wanted fugitive and once orchestrated a bank robbery to get a toy plane. She enjoys being mysterious, lying, adventures, and flirting with Jack and Sawyer. The only people who know about Kate’s fugitive past is Jack to whom she has told a few things, Hurley who accidentally saw her wanted poster, and Sawyer who suspects a lot of her past and knows that she killed someone.
And sulking on the rock over there we have Charlie Pace (Dominic Monaghan). For the record, we would like to say that we have no special feeling for Charlie at all. The word hobbit means nothing to us. We in no way, shape, or form find Charlie especially adorable, and care nothing for the propensity of hobbits to be exceedingly affectionate towards. And we don’t feel a need to kidnap him and feed him cookies whenever he’s sad because that would be absurd and rather embarrassing of us.
Charlie Pace is our very own island celebrity. He was the bass player for the band Driveshaft; mostly known for their hit single “You All Everybody” and for not being in any way at all exactly like Oasis. Charlie was a good Catholic boy who got lured into the rock star life by his older brother Liam and eventually became addicted to heroin. Lucky for Charlie, our island is also a rehabilitation center and with the help of Locke, a symbolic moth, a cave-in, and some biblical imagery, Charlie was able to kick his habit. 
Unfortunately for Charlie, he didn’t follow some of the essential island precautions (see Tips on Island Survival) and ended up getting himself hung.
Thankfully Jack was there to save him. Or possibly the island saved him. We had a memo on it, but we lost it. Charlie recently became a killer, having shot the man who hung him and kidnapped his special friend Claire. The drug withdrawal, getting hung, killing someone thing has made him a bit cranky, but we’re sure he’ll get over it soon and go back to being his wacky self. Charlie likes Claire, peanut butter, his guitar, feeling needed, and hanging out with Hurley.
And now lets take a trip to beach to meet Sawyer (Josh Holloway). Sawyer is really pretty and he often gets wet. Those are probably the two most important things to know about him. There’s also this whole thing about how Sawyer isn’t his real name, but the name of the man, who as part of a con, slept with his mother, causing his father to kill his mother and then kill himself. Sawyer vowed to get revenge, but ended up becoming a con himself and hates himself because he became exactly like the person he most hated. And he also accidentally killed the wrong man while trying to get revenge. But that’s not important. The pretty is important. And the wet. And the occasional lack of shirts. And the handcuffs. Handcuffs are nice too.
On the island, Sawyer is quite the industrious entrepreneur. He has scavenged anything remotely useful from the wreckage and enjoys the drama that results anytime someone needs to ask him for something. If you ask him nicely, he usually just gives people what they want, which is no fun at all. It’s much more fun when people demand things from him and threaten him and torture him. Not that we find anything involving torture attractive. Shame on you for even thinking that.
In tips on island survival we will explain the three best ways to get any supplies you might need from Sawyer.
Sawyer enjoys brooding on the beach in his tent, flirting with Kate, flirting with Sayid, and annoying Jack. He also has excellent taste in sunglasses and is an excellent shot when shooting polar bears, but not so much at shooting a man to put him out of his misery. He also enjoys giving people nicknames and playing “I never.”
And also on the beach, we find Sayid (Naveen Andrews). He is also pretty. Sayid can often be found doing arts and crafts activities. He likes trying to build complex devices in order to boost radio signals and has also constructed an elaborate signal fire. And recently he took up map decoding. It’s a good thing he’s so pretty or we might be insulted by his interest in leaving our attractive beaches and exciting jungles of adventure. Before coming to our island, Sayid was a member of the Iraqi National Guard and tortured people for a living, though he was kind of bad at it and let a childhood friend escape from torture. He recently returned to his torturing ways in order to get information from Sawyer. Or it might have been a weird sort of flirtation. We’re not really sure. Sayid enjoys being smug and mocking people, flirting with Shannon, flirting with Sawyer, the occasional bit of torture, and building things. Since coming to the island he has been hit on the head, strung up, tortured, injected, and severely wounded. You would think he would have learned his lesson about trying to leave.
Our most enterprising island residents are the married couple Sun (Yunjin Kim) and Jin (Danial Dae Kim). Sun often spends her free time gardening and finding useful herbs. Jin likes to spend his time fishing. Unfortunately, their marriage is not a happy one and they appear to be going through a trial separation of sorts. Their marriage got off to a rocky start when Jin agreed to work for Sun’s father so that he would let Jin marry his daughter. He soon learned that his job involved being a hired thug. Sun wanted to leave Jin because he had become cold and consumed by work. Jin hated his job and wanted to flee to America with Sun. Sun secretly took English lessons so that she could run away from Jin, but changed her mind at the last minute because she still loved him. No one knew except for Michael and Kate until just recently that Sun could speak English. And Jin has some weird thing with his father-in-law’s watch that remains a mystery. Jin enjoys fishing, brooding, yelling at his wife to cover up, and laughing at Hurley. Sun enjoys gardening, being useful, taking off her clothes, and the occasional discrete flirt with Michael.
If you have any problems or concerns at all while visiting our island we recommend talking to Hugo “Hurley” Reyes (Jorge Garcias) though whatever you do, don't call him crazy, he doesn't like that. He is always eager to lend a helping hand and was instrumental in building our lovely golf course and if you ever need a battery, he's your man. Hurley is our richest island resident, having won the lottery using possibly cursed numbers that can also be found on our mysterious hatch. Yes, we realize that now would the perfect time to explain what can be found when you often the hatch door, so we happily point out that Reyes means King and move on. Hurley likes saying ‘dude,’ listening to his walkman, making jokes, being the voice of reason, hanging out with Charlie, being practical and sensible when no one else is, and crazy french ladies who agree with him on the subject of cursed numbers.
We're quite excited about our next island resident, Claire (Emilie de Ravin). The first thing you’ll notice about her is that she looks like she's about to have a baby any second now. Don’t worry about her going into labor; she’s looked like that for a while. Claire had been about to give her baby up for adoption, but had been warned by a psychic that terrible things would happen if she didn’t raise the baby herself. After refusing to sign adoption papers, the psychic offered Claire the alternative of going to LA to give the baby to another couple who could successfully raise the child. However, Claire now believes that the psychic had tricked her and that he had intended her to come to this island all along. We don’t really know. We’re just happy to have her baby. Claire has had a bit of a rough time on the island of late. 
. After a few rather upsetting nightmares, she was kidnapped by Ethan Rom and when she wandered back several days later she had no memory of her time on the island. Claire enjoys spending time with Charlie, saying the name ‘charlie’ in her ridiculously adorable Australian accent, astrology, imaginary peanut butter, and being excessively cheerful in the face of adversity. However, don’t let the cheerful exterior fool you, this girl is tough.
Our next island resident can occasionally be a bit tricky to find, but if you give him an opportunity for a dramatic entrance, he will almost always take it. John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) is our happiest island dweller and a great spokesperson for our fabulous island. Before arriving, he was wheelchair bound and worked at a boring office job where his boss ridiculed him. Since coming to our island he has miraculously been able to walk and hunts boar for the rest of the group. He also functions as a spiritual advisor and has helped several of our residents with various crises. Sure his methods are sometimes a bit questionable and he keep secrets and he teaches young children to play with knives, but he is only trying to make sure all the residents of our island get the most out of their experience and we support him 100 percent! Locke enjoys looking mysterious and morally ambiguous, playing with his knives, playing backgammon with Walt, playing with Boone in the jungle, telling symbolic stories, and staring at the mysterious hatch in the jungle.
Generally following right behind Locke, you'll fine Boone and often not far behind Boone, you'll find his stepsister Shannon. Boone (Ian Somerhalder) and Shannon (Maggie Grace) have some issues of the flowers in the attic variety. Though they are stepsiblings, they identify themselves as brother and sister. Boone seems to have spent most of his adult life in love with Shannon and Shannon appears to have spent most of their adult life running from place to place and trying to con money out of Boone by tricking him into paying off her various boyfriends to leave her. Recently, Locke tied up and drugged Boone to help him realize that he shouldn’t be so obsessed with his sister and Shannon has started a relationship with Sayid. Shannon enjoys being bitchy, singing, flirting with Sayid, and harassing her brother. Boone enjoys following people around like a puppy dog, being incompetent, screwing things up, stalking his sister, and playing with Locke in the jungle. He also holds the distinction of never having won a fight with another island resident.
And last we come to Michael, (Harold Perrineau Jr.) his son Walt, (Malcolm David Kelley), and his dog Vincent. Michael and Walt were just recently reunited after the death of Walt’s mother. Walt’s mother’s husband had not wanted Walt because he claimed that Walt was weird. Walt appears to have caused a bird to crash into a window when he was angry, he has astonishingly luck with dice, can possibly make polar bears appear because he saw them in a comic book, and burned down a raft his father was building because he wants to stay on the island. And we’re happy to have him! Michael is an artist who worked in construction to pay for the bills and is currently trying to build another boat. We’re not sure why. At least it keeps him occupied.
Michael enjoys playing with his boat, lusting after Sun, fighting Jin, and making stupid parenting decisions regarding Walt. Walt enjoys playing Backgammon with Hurley or Locke, playing with knives, being vaguely creepy, and playing with his dog. Vincent enjoys food, being played with, Walt, and roaming around the jungle tricking people into think he’s the monster.
Somewhat quieter and less noticeable than the above 14, you might encounter some other island residents near them. The most talkative and noticeable of this group is Rose (L. Scott Caldwell) who has faith and believes that her husband is still alive somewhere else on the island even though he was in the back of the plane from where no one appears to have survived. Rose thinks that he might be somewhere else on the island, and we're not telling whether or not she's correct because that would ruin our fun. She likes praying and helping hobbits out of their sulks. You might also encounter Scott or Steve. They are possibly twin brothers, or rather possibly were twin brothers since one of them was killed by Ethan Rom. Don't worry if you can't keep them straight, no one can. You might encounter a few other crash survivor lurking about, don't worry about them, no one else does.
If you look extra hard you might also meet some of our very special island residents.
You might run across Danielle Rousseau (Mira Furlan), a lovely French lady who was part of the research team that came to our island as part of an earlier group. She used to enjoy sending out ominous sounding distress calls, but currently her favorite activities is asking people relentlessly about the whereabouts of her son/daughter Alex and kidnapping and tying up pretty men (and who doesn’t?).
You will mostly likely not encounter one of our favorite island residents, Ethan Rom (William Mapother). He was shot several times and buried by Charlie, but you never know, he might just pop up when you least expect him. You can never tell what’s going to happen next on our wacky island. Ethan is our most fun island resident know for is wacky practical jokes like pretending to be one of the plane crash survivors when he had really been on the island all along. He also enjoys tormenting hobbits, kidnapping pregnant girls, murder, popping up out of nowhere and being incredible creepy.
If you are extraordinary lucky you might also encounter our exciting and mysterious monster, our fun loving boars, and our special breed of comic book polar bears. 
Some Tips on Island Survival
Shelter:
We have four fabulous possible places of residence to meet the needs of even our most discriminating island residents.
Option 1: Our attractive beachfront serves as the home for those of our island residents who have not yet fully committed themselves to the fun and life altering experience that our island can offer. Our beachfront residents enjoy arts and crafts activities such as building signal fire and boats. We think it’s cute and are most definitely not at all responsible for the occasional sudden change of tides that causes them to scurry.
Option 2: Other island residents choose to live in our lovely and scenic caves. Don’t mind the occasional cave-in, it’s just our way of saying “Hi!” And we urge you to enjoy the waterfall and the fresh water and to ignore any dead bodies or creepy dolls you might find in the water or that rumor about the pregnant girl with the nightmares and the people attacking her with needles. We most certainly think the nickname ‘rape caves’ is a bit much and stand by the safety and comfort of our cave location.
Option 3: If you are feeling especially angsty or pensive we highly recommend our special wandering around the jungle aimlessly package. We will be sure to provide you with fun hallucinations, traps, animals, and colorful people to meet to help you resolve whatever problems you might be experiencing.
Let our jungle turn that frown upside-down!
Option 4: Our most special island residents make their permanent home in our exciting jungle. There’s never a dull moment once you fully embrace island life! Come on! You know you want to!
Food:
Every meal is a virtual feast on our island paradise. We have colorful tasty fruit of all shapes and sizes. And tasty boar and fish if you desire a more substantial meal. It you want something more exotic try the sea urchin, but be careful about trying to catch your own, they sting! If you do happen to get stung by urchin, you DO NOT have to get someone to pee on it, though it is hilarious if you do.
Recommended reading material:
Watership Down – It’s either a book about bunnies or a social commentary on the struggles to set-up an effective government and society, mostly it’s about bunnies.
Lord of the Flies- Jack is Ralph. Sawyer is Jack. Hurley if Piggy. Or maybe not to any and all of the above. Boars are still boars and signal fires are still signal fires and we still don’t understand who the Lord of the Flies is supposed to be though that might be karmic justice of a sort because we never show anyone our monster.
The Stand - If you think our story moves slowly, go read the revised and extended edition of this book about a post apocalyptic battle between good and evil.
A Wrinkle in Time - Along with Watership Down, one the many fabulous books that you can enjoy in Sawyer's bookclub. It has outcasts, time travel, people who get lost and then found, and a discussion on free will, but sadly no bunnies.
Other useful pieces of information:
1. You’re compass may not work. It’s just one of the many wacky things that make our island the exciting place that it is. You might try the tracking method to get around or if you are feeling especially heroic, you might try the Jack method of wandering around and trusting that your heroic nature will cause you to find things that allow you to act heroically.
2. Learn the difference between a dog and a big scary monster. It will be very useful if you choose to wander about in the jungle.
3. If you need medical care, you might try Jack, but if you actually want to get better we suggest trying Sun and her herbal remedies made with actual native island ingredients. We do not recommend using Locke’s paste on any wounds you might get unless you enjoy the occasional vivid hallucination.
4. If you need something, Sawyer most likely has it. There are three ways of getting something from Sawyer. You can ask him nicely. This will be successful, but it is rather boring. You can be rude to him and threaten him. This is fun for everyone else, but you most likely won’t get what you want. You might also consider the fanfic way that involves the age-old tradition of exchanging sex for goods. It’s entertaining for everyone involved and you get what you need.
5. Don’t trust creepy men who say they are from Ontario.
6. Whatever Boone is doing, it’s best to do the opposite.
7. Keeping secrets is fun, and a favorite activity of all island dwellers. Don’t ever tell the whole truth and never ever volunteer information, it will confuse and frighten them.
8. Love the island and it will love you.
Island Resources
If you are looking for more information our island, you can visit the following places:
There an impressively comprehensive list of LJ communities here.
Fic can be found at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ficinabottle, lost_slash, lost_fanfic, and lost_recs. Or you can also try Lost Slash and Lostfic.
For recaps, there’s Television Without Pity,cleolinda, and “wisteria’s screencap reviews.
If you are interested in transcriptions of the episodes try http://lost.shriftweb.org.
For general info and discussion trylost_news, lost_tv, or castaways. Or you can try Lost Media and The Fuselage, a messageboard where the writers and actors have been known to post.
We hope you've enjoyed this brief guide to our magical island and that you come and visit us soon!
Fic recs coming soon in which you will get to learn about the fabulously pretty dirty wrongness of Sawyer/Sayid and the many, many other pairings Lost has to offer, each of them often more fabulously wrong than the last one. Except for Charlie/Claire which somehow makes the relationship between a pregnant girl and a recovering heroin addict the most adorable thing ever. Damn hobbit!
First off, huge thanks to
shaggirl for her patience. I was supposed to have this up forever ago. The overview was my metaphorical boar or something.And big huge thanks to all my fabulous NSPs for patiently answering all my random questions that came up while writing this. You all rock!
The overviews contains spoilers up through the most recent episode aired, … In Translation. Lost is bit hard to summarize, so if I left out anything that people think is important, please let me know and I’ll try to fix it.
Lost in less than 325 words
At its most basic level, Lost is a show about the survivors of a plane crash (a flight traveling from Sydney to LA) trying to survive on a mysterious tropical island filled with whispering voices, stampeding boars, monsters that we never get to see, and other assorted oddities. The show was created by J.J. Abrams of Felicity and Alias fame. The creators of the show have also mentioned that they were heavily influenced by The Stand and other assorted novels. So it’s not only a story of island survival, but also supposedly an allegory of good and evil. Each episode shows a bit of the castaways struggle to survive and set up some sort of working society on the island. And, each episode features one character whose background gets explored in depth through a series of flashbacks. And though there are a few exceptions, most of the island residents were not what could be considered model citizens by any stretch of the imagination.
If you want a story of about a group of people pulling together in the face of adversity and overcoming great challenges, this is most definitely not the show for you. It’s pretty much the story of a bunch of severely screwed up people, some searching for redemption, some who have redemption thrust upon them, and some who are just plain creepy trying to exist on an island that doesn’t make any sense. They fight each other. They torture each other. They flirt excessively with each other. Sometimes they even stop with the fighting and the flirting enough to get something productive done. And as added bonus, their past lives are somehow all mysteriously interconnected. It’s basically Survivor crossed with Real World crossed with Steven King crossed with Crack. And it’s pretty fabulous.
I would also say it’s about amazingly hot men who get wet a lot and roll around on the ground, but that would be exceedingly shallow of me, so I won’t say it.
In order to help you all understand the complex world of Lost filled with
Island History
Congratulations on your choice of our island as your vacation destination. We are confident that whether you yourself chose to come here of if the choice was made for you, that you will enjoy your stay. Please pay no attention to the less than flattering nickname for the island. We can assure you that the name comes from love and not at all from total disgust and frustration with our attractive island location and many fabulous amenities. Also please ignore any dead bodies you may encounter in the water or hanging in or possibly swinging from trees. We can assure you that our murder and accidental death rate is entirely within the norm for an island of our type.
We know that you have many questions about our island and we will do our best to not answer them in the most thorough way possible. You may be wondering where exactly the island is, or how exactly you got here, or what does the monster look like, and why are their polar bears, and is their really a crazy French lady wandering about the jungle; or if you are philosophical in nature you might be wondering if the island really exists, is it the figment of someone’s imagination, does it somehow reflect everyone’s inner most desires and fears, is it a limbo type place where people are tested and must find their path to redemption or damnation, and what does Sawyer look like naked, or does the island in fact contain the last survivors on the planet who now must engage in a apocalyptic battle of good and evil, and why exactly is that hobbit snorting heroin over there?
Excellent questions one and all. And the answer is yes, yes, yes, maybe, because, why not, incredibly hot, no, of course, and what the hell else would a hobbit be doing?
Kidding.
The fact of that matter is we really don’t know what the island is, we only work here and ogle the pretty men and women, but here are all the answers that we have. Our fabulous island of many surprises attracts its visitors with our patented fiery wreck technique that works on both planes and boats. The current island residents are not the first group to inhabit our lovely shores and cozy caves. Most recently a research team was stranded on the island and you can still meet one of survivors. Pay no attention to her talk about infections, and killing people to save them, and menacing sounding ‘others.’ She’s quirky, but it’s people like her that make our island the special and unique place that we love so much. You might also want to visit the historical caves and see the remains of our very own Adam and Eve, though whether or nor they really were the first visitors to our wondrous island is a mystery.
You might also hear mention of The Black Rock, a place that seems fraught with historical significance. You might be tempted to journey there looking for answers and we would like to encourage you to visit our lovely waterfalls and enjoy our many delicious tropical fruits. It’s just a rock. Who cares? You might also think that many of the island’s mysteries can be uncovered by opening the strange hatch in the jungle. And we of course encourage you to try some nice roasted boar and are happy to inform you that sometimes our island residents take their shirts off.
And what of the monster that seems to be able to rip off people’s skin and uproot trees? Where did it come from? And does it have anything to do with the polar bears that occasionally can be seen?
Yes, what of the monster and the polar bear! What an intriguing mystery with an absolutely astonishing and profound answer to which the explanation should be evident from this answer.
We hope you have enjoyed our brief history of our lovely island. And if you have any further questions, we are happy to direct you to the helpful voices that you can occasionally hear in the jungle that we of course don’t hear because we are entirely sane. There are no voices. Forget we mentioned them and enjoy your stay on our happy island.
A Spotters Guide to Island Residents
There is never a dull moment on our island of fun with all the interesting people, flora, and fauna you might encounter on your travels.
Come with us on a magical tour of the island and meet all our unique residents. Watch out for the animals packed with symbolic meaning. From the smallest moth to the largest, meanest boar, you never know when you might meet an animal that represents some aspect of your inner turmoil. Don’t think of it as a nuisance, think of it as free therapy.
Please don’t be alarmed if any of the residents start staring intently off into space. They’re having a flashback. It’s entirely normal and just another happy little quirk of island life.
Over there, notice the leader of our island residents known as Jack Shephard (Mathew Fox).
Yes, he’s usually that grumpy. A reluctant and often cranky leader, Jack loves rescuing people and brooding over his daddy issues. Before he came to our scenic island he turned in his alcoholic father for malpractice resulting in his father fleeing to Australia and possibly dying as a direct or indirect result of his excessive drinking. On the island, Jack can be found playing golf, participating in a love triangle with Kate and Sawyer, or doing something heroic in an exceedingly attractive fashion. We recommend noticing the arms. They’re nice arms. He makes his home in the caves (See our Tips on Island Survival for more information of the Caves on their impressive safety record) and is a great person to visit it you want the very best in surly medical care. Do try not to ask him about his father because it can stimulate flashbacks and hallucinations of his father’s ghost.
And the next island resident we come across is Kate (Evangeline Lilly), at least that’s what we think her name is. She has some issues with lying. The easiest way to find Kate is to act like you’re just about to do something interesting and she will most likely pop us and ask to come along. Kate is the mystery girl for our island of intrigue. She’s a wanted fugitive and once orchestrated a bank robbery to get a toy plane. She enjoys being mysterious, lying, adventures, and flirting with Jack and Sawyer. The only people who know about Kate’s fugitive past is Jack to whom she has told a few things, Hurley who accidentally saw her wanted poster, and Sawyer who suspects a lot of her past and knows that she killed someone. And sulking on the rock over there we have Charlie Pace (Dominic Monaghan). For the record, we would like to say that we have no special feeling for Charlie at all. The word hobbit means nothing to us. We in no way, shape, or form find Charlie especially adorable, and care nothing for the propensity of hobbits to be exceedingly affectionate towards. And we don’t feel a need to kidnap him and feed him cookies whenever he’s sad because that would be absurd and rather embarrassing of us.
Charlie Pace is our very own island celebrity. He was the bass player for the band Driveshaft; mostly known for their hit single “You All Everybody” and for not being in any way at all exactly like Oasis. Charlie was a good Catholic boy who got lured into the rock star life by his older brother Liam and eventually became addicted to heroin. Lucky for Charlie, our island is also a rehabilitation center and with the help of Locke, a symbolic moth, a cave-in, and some biblical imagery, Charlie was able to kick his habit. Unfortunately for Charlie, he didn’t follow some of the essential island precautions (see Tips on Island Survival) and ended up getting himself hung.
Thankfully Jack was there to save him. Or possibly the island saved him. We had a memo on it, but we lost it. Charlie recently became a killer, having shot the man who hung him and kidnapped his special friend Claire. The drug withdrawal, getting hung, killing someone thing has made him a bit cranky, but we’re sure he’ll get over it soon and go back to being his wacky self. Charlie likes Claire, peanut butter, his guitar, feeling needed, and hanging out with Hurley.
And now lets take a trip to beach to meet Sawyer (Josh Holloway). Sawyer is really pretty and he often gets wet. Those are probably the two most important things to know about him. There’s also this whole thing about how Sawyer isn’t his real name, but the name of the man, who as part of a con, slept with his mother, causing his father to kill his mother and then kill himself. Sawyer vowed to get revenge, but ended up becoming a con himself and hates himself because he became exactly like the person he most hated. And he also accidentally killed the wrong man while trying to get revenge. But that’s not important. The pretty is important. And the wet. And the occasional lack of shirts. And the handcuffs. Handcuffs are nice too.
On the island, Sawyer is quite the industrious entrepreneur. He has scavenged anything remotely useful from the wreckage and enjoys the drama that results anytime someone needs to ask him for something. If you ask him nicely, he usually just gives people what they want, which is no fun at all. It’s much more fun when people demand things from him and threaten him and torture him. Not that we find anything involving torture attractive. Shame on you for even thinking that.
In tips on island survival we will explain the three best ways to get any supplies you might need from Sawyer.
Sawyer enjoys brooding on the beach in his tent, flirting with Kate, flirting with Sayid, and annoying Jack. He also has excellent taste in sunglasses and is an excellent shot when shooting polar bears, but not so much at shooting a man to put him out of his misery. He also enjoys giving people nicknames and playing “I never.”
And also on the beach, we find Sayid (Naveen Andrews). He is also pretty. Sayid can often be found doing arts and crafts activities. He likes trying to build complex devices in order to boost radio signals and has also constructed an elaborate signal fire. And recently he took up map decoding. It’s a good thing he’s so pretty or we might be insulted by his interest in leaving our attractive beaches and exciting jungles of adventure. Before coming to our island, Sayid was a member of the Iraqi National Guard and tortured people for a living, though he was kind of bad at it and let a childhood friend escape from torture. He recently returned to his torturing ways in order to get information from Sawyer. Or it might have been a weird sort of flirtation. We’re not really sure. Sayid enjoys being smug and mocking people, flirting with Shannon, flirting with Sawyer, the occasional bit of torture, and building things. Since coming to the island he has been hit on the head, strung up, tortured, injected, and severely wounded. You would think he would have learned his lesson about trying to leave.
Our most enterprising island residents are the married couple Sun (Yunjin Kim) and Jin (Danial Dae Kim). Sun often spends her free time gardening and finding useful herbs. Jin likes to spend his time fishing. Unfortunately, their marriage is not a happy one and they appear to be going through a trial separation of sorts. Their marriage got off to a rocky start when Jin agreed to work for Sun’s father so that he would let Jin marry his daughter. He soon learned that his job involved being a hired thug. Sun wanted to leave Jin because he had become cold and consumed by work. Jin hated his job and wanted to flee to America with Sun. Sun secretly took English lessons so that she could run away from Jin, but changed her mind at the last minute because she still loved him. No one knew except for Michael and Kate until just recently that Sun could speak English. And Jin has some weird thing with his father-in-law’s watch that remains a mystery. Jin enjoys fishing, brooding, yelling at his wife to cover up, and laughing at Hurley. Sun enjoys gardening, being useful, taking off her clothes, and the occasional discrete flirt with Michael. If you have any problems or concerns at all while visiting our island we recommend talking to Hugo “Hurley” Reyes (Jorge Garcias) though whatever you do, don't call him crazy, he doesn't like that. He is always eager to lend a helping hand and was instrumental in building our lovely golf course and if you ever need a battery, he's your man. Hurley is our richest island resident, having won the lottery using possibly cursed numbers that can also be found on our mysterious hatch. Yes, we realize that now would the perfect time to explain what can be found when you often the hatch door, so we happily point out that Reyes means King and move on. Hurley likes saying ‘dude,’ listening to his walkman, making jokes, being the voice of reason, hanging out with Charlie, being practical and sensible when no one else is, and crazy french ladies who agree with him on the subject of cursed numbers. We're quite excited about our next island resident, Claire (Emilie de Ravin). The first thing you’ll notice about her is that she looks like she's about to have a baby any second now. Don’t worry about her going into labor; she’s looked like that for a while. Claire had been about to give her baby up for adoption, but had been warned by a psychic that terrible things would happen if she didn’t raise the baby herself. After refusing to sign adoption papers, the psychic offered Claire the alternative of going to LA to give the baby to another couple who could successfully raise the child. However, Claire now believes that the psychic had tricked her and that he had intended her to come to this island all along. We don’t really know. We’re just happy to have her . After a few rather upsetting nightmares, she was kidnapped by Ethan Rom and when she wandered back several days later she had no memory of her time on the island. Claire enjoys spending time with Charlie, saying the name ‘charlie’ in her ridiculously adorable Australian accent, astrology, imaginary peanut butter, and being excessively cheerful in the face of adversity. However, don’t let the cheerful exterior fool you, this girl is tough. Our next island resident can occasionally be a bit tricky to find, but if you give him an opportunity for a dramatic entrance, he will almost always take it. John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) is our happiest island dweller and a great spokesperson for our fabulous island. Before arriving, he was wheelchair bound and worked at a boring office job where his boss ridiculed him. Since coming to our island he has miraculously been able to walk and hunts boar for the rest of the group. He also functions as a spiritual advisor and has helped several of our residents with various crises. Sure his methods are sometimes a bit questionable and he keep secrets and he teaches young children to play with knives, but he is only trying to make sure all the residents of our island get the most out of their experience and we support him 100 percent! Locke enjoys looking mysterious and morally ambiguous, playing with his knives, playing backgammon with Walt, playing with Boone in the jungle, telling symbolic stories, and staring at the mysterious hatch in the jungle. Generally following right behind Locke, you'll fine Boone and often not far behind Boone, you'll find his stepsister Shannon. Boone (Ian Somerhalder) and Shannon (Maggie Grace) have some issues of the flowers in the attic variety. Though they are stepsiblings, they identify themselves as brother and sister. Boone seems to have spent most of his adult life in love with Shannon and Shannon appears to have spent most of their adult life running from place to place and trying to con money out of Boone by tricking him into paying off her various boyfriends to leave her. Recently, Locke tied up and drugged Boone to help him realize that he shouldn’t be so obsessed with his sister and Shannon has started a relationship with Sayid. Shannon enjoys being bitchy, singing, flirting with Sayid, and harassing her brother. Boone enjoys following people around like a puppy dog, being incompetent, screwing things up, stalking his sister, and playing with Locke in the jungle. He also holds the distinction of never having won a fight with another island resident. And last we come to Michael, (Harold Perrineau Jr.) his son Walt, (Malcolm David Kelley), and his dog Vincent. Michael and Walt were just recently reunited after the death of Walt’s mother. Walt’s mother’s husband had not wanted Walt because he claimed that Walt was weird. Walt appears to have caused a bird to crash into a window when he was angry, he has astonishingly luck with dice, can possibly make polar bears appear because he saw them in a comic book, and burned down a raft his father was building because he wants to stay on the island. And we’re happy to have him! Michael is an artist who worked in construction to pay for the bills and is currently trying to build another boat. We’re not sure why. At least it keeps him occupied.
Michael enjoys playing with his boat, lusting after Sun, fighting Jin, and making stupid parenting decisions regarding Walt. Walt enjoys playing Backgammon with Hurley or Locke, playing with knives, being vaguely creepy, and playing with his dog. Vincent enjoys food, being played with, Walt, and roaming around the jungle tricking people into think he’s the monster. Somewhat quieter and less noticeable than the above 14, you might encounter some other island residents near them. The most talkative and noticeable of this group is Rose (L. Scott Caldwell) who has faith and believes that her husband is still alive somewhere else on the island even though he was in the back of the plane from where no one appears to have survived. Rose thinks that he might be somewhere else on the island, and we're not telling whether or not she's correct because that would ruin our fun. She likes praying and helping hobbits out of their sulks. You might also encounter Scott or Steve. They are possibly twin brothers, or rather possibly were twin brothers since one of them was killed by Ethan Rom. Don't worry if you can't keep them straight, no one can. You might encounter a few other crash survivor lurking about, don't worry about them, no one else does.If you look extra hard you might also meet some of our very special island residents.
You might run across Danielle Rousseau (Mira Furlan), a lovely French lady who was part of the research team that came to our island as part of an earlier group. She used to enjoy sending out ominous sounding distress calls, but currently her favorite activities is asking people relentlessly about the whereabouts of her son/daughter Alex and kidnapping and tying up pretty men (and who doesn’t?). You will mostly likely not encounter one of our favorite island residents, Ethan Rom (William Mapother). He was shot several times and buried by Charlie, but you never know, he might just pop up when you least expect him. You can never tell what’s going to happen next on our wacky island. Ethan is our most fun island resident know for is wacky practical jokes like pretending to be one of the plane crash survivors when he had really been on the island all along. He also enjoys tormenting hobbits, kidnapping pregnant girls, murder, popping up out of nowhere and being incredible creepy. If you are extraordinary lucky you might also encounter our exciting and mysterious monster, our fun loving boars, and our special breed of comic book polar bears. Some Tips on Island Survival
Shelter:
We have four fabulous possible places of residence to meet the needs of even our most discriminating island residents.
Option 1: Our attractive beachfront serves as the home for those of our island residents who have not yet fully committed themselves to the fun and life altering experience that our island can offer. Our beachfront residents enjoy arts and crafts activities such as building signal fire and boats. We think it’s cute and are most definitely not at all responsible for the occasional sudden change of tides that causes them to scurry.
Option 2: Other island residents choose to live in our lovely and scenic caves. Don’t mind the occasional cave-in, it’s just our way of saying “Hi!” And we urge you to enjoy the waterfall and the fresh water and to ignore any dead bodies or creepy dolls you might find in the water or that rumor about the pregnant girl with the nightmares and the people attacking her with needles. We most certainly think the nickname ‘rape caves’ is a bit much and stand by the safety and comfort of our cave location.
Option 3: If you are feeling especially angsty or pensive we highly recommend our special wandering around the jungle aimlessly package. We will be sure to provide you with fun hallucinations, traps, animals, and colorful people to meet to help you resolve whatever problems you might be experiencing.
Let our jungle turn that frown upside-down!
Option 4: Our most special island residents make their permanent home in our exciting jungle. There’s never a dull moment once you fully embrace island life! Come on! You know you want to!
Food:
Every meal is a virtual feast on our island paradise. We have colorful tasty fruit of all shapes and sizes. And tasty boar and fish if you desire a more substantial meal. It you want something more exotic try the sea urchin, but be careful about trying to catch your own, they sting! If you do happen to get stung by urchin, you DO NOT have to get someone to pee on it, though it is hilarious if you do.
Recommended reading material:
Watership Down – It’s either a book about bunnies or a social commentary on the struggles to set-up an effective government and society, mostly it’s about bunnies.
Lord of the Flies- Jack is Ralph. Sawyer is Jack. Hurley if Piggy. Or maybe not to any and all of the above. Boars are still boars and signal fires are still signal fires and we still don’t understand who the Lord of the Flies is supposed to be though that might be karmic justice of a sort because we never show anyone our monster.
The Stand - If you think our story moves slowly, go read the revised and extended edition of this book about a post apocalyptic battle between good and evil.
A Wrinkle in Time - Along with Watership Down, one the many fabulous books that you can enjoy in Sawyer's bookclub. It has outcasts, time travel, people who get lost and then found, and a discussion on free will, but sadly no bunnies.
Other useful pieces of information:
1. You’re compass may not work. It’s just one of the many wacky things that make our island the exciting place that it is. You might try the tracking method to get around or if you are feeling especially heroic, you might try the Jack method of wandering around and trusting that your heroic nature will cause you to find things that allow you to act heroically.
2. Learn the difference between a dog and a big scary monster. It will be very useful if you choose to wander about in the jungle.
3. If you need medical care, you might try Jack, but if you actually want to get better we suggest trying Sun and her herbal remedies made with actual native island ingredients. We do not recommend using Locke’s paste on any wounds you might get unless you enjoy the occasional vivid hallucination.
4. If you need something, Sawyer most likely has it. There are three ways of getting something from Sawyer. You can ask him nicely. This will be successful, but it is rather boring. You can be rude to him and threaten him. This is fun for everyone else, but you most likely won’t get what you want. You might also consider the fanfic way that involves the age-old tradition of exchanging sex for goods. It’s entertaining for everyone involved and you get what you need.
5. Don’t trust creepy men who say they are from Ontario.
6. Whatever Boone is doing, it’s best to do the opposite.
7. Keeping secrets is fun, and a favorite activity of all island dwellers. Don’t ever tell the whole truth and never ever volunteer information, it will confuse and frighten them.
8. Love the island and it will love you.
Island Resources
If you are looking for more information our island, you can visit the following places:
There an impressively comprehensive list of LJ communities here.
Fic can be found at
ficinabottle, lost_slash, lost_fanfic, and lost_recs. Or you can also try Lost Slash and Lostfic.For recaps, there’s Television Without Pity,
cleolinda, and “wisteria’s screencap reviews.If you are interested in transcriptions of the episodes try http://lost.shriftweb.org.
For general info and discussion try
lost_news, lost_tv, or castaways. Or you can try Lost Media and The Fuselage, a messageboard where the writers and actors have been known to post.We hope you've enjoyed this brief guide to our magical island and that you come and visit us soon!
Fic recs coming soon in which you will get to learn about the fabulously pretty dirty wrongness of Sawyer/Sayid and the many, many other pairings Lost has to offer, each of them often more fabulously wrong than the last one. Except for Charlie/Claire which somehow makes the relationship between a pregnant girl and a recovering heroin addict the most adorable thing ever. Damn hobbit!
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