crack_van | "Congenial Defects" by Branwyn (PG)

Fandom: SHERLOCK HOLMES
Pairing: Gen - characters are Holmes and Mary Russell
Length: 3,900 words
Author on LJ: cesario
Author Website: according to Live Journal it's at http://branwyn.mirrordance.net/russell.html but the link is not working for me

Why this must be read:
Mary Russell is not original to the Sherlock Holmes books, but rather she is a recent creation of the author Laurie R. King. The Mary Russell books have become popular with many Holmes fans as Laurie tries very hard to have her books fit into the canon. However, not everyone accepts the idea that Holmes would take on a young female as an assistant.

This story is humorous, not romantic, and can be read as a Holmes story without worrying about his relationship with Mary.

Have you ever felt like you were pulling teeth to get a story out of someone? Where every answer they give you leads to three more questions? All Holmes originally wanted to know was why his young neighbor has shown up at his breakfast table with a massive hangover. But now he also is wondering about the man wandering around in one of Mary's dresses, her aunt's questionable fund-raising for the Mother's Union, Russell's failure to learn to lock her bedroom door, the lynch mob and the possibility of a murder having occurred. And he still has no idea why she is hungover. He decides that to make it through the morning he had better, um, fortify his coffee.

“Here,” he said, holding the tumbler out. “Drink this.”

Slowly, Russell opened her eyes. She blinked at him twice, sideways, then straightened in her chair and took the glass from his hand. Her nose wrinkled as she peered down at its contents.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “did you say I was meant to drink this?”

“I suppose you could bathe in it,” said Holmes, “but it will be most efficacious taken internally.”

She looked dubious. “I warn you, Holmes. If this is a mean-spirited prank, the joke will be entirely on your dining room floor.”

The corner of his mouth quirked helplessly. “Russell, I am too old a sinner to regard your plight without compassion.” He nodded at the glass. “Trust me.”

Russell gave a long and windy sigh, then screwed her eyes shut and lifted the glass to her mouth. Seconds later the glass met the surface of the table with a sharp crack. Russell was sitting bolt upright in her chair, fingers clenching the glass spasmodically. Her eyes were wide. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Why,” she said hoarsely, after a long moment in which she seemed to have difficulty finding her voice, “have you not patented this?”

“It is not my invention, sadly. I owe it to an acquaintance of mine. Brilliant fellow. Gentleman’s gentleman. Entirely wasted in his line of work.”

“He’s a wizard,” she said, and slumped back in her chair, the relaxation in her features expressing the utmost relief.

Congenial Defects