Dear Goodbye (Adult)

[musicboxgirl.livejournal.com]

Fandom: POPSLASH
Pairing: Justin/Nick, Chris/Justin
Length: ~22,350
Author on LJ: phaballa
Author Website: Fic tag
Why this must be read: This story is one of those stories that has the ability to completely unravel you. At first glance you'd think this is just another one of those war fics but it's so much more than that. phaballa builds this gritty world through the eyes of a very broken man and you get totally sucked in by the level of detail and the incredibly good characterizations. phaballa would say that this isn't a fic where 'stuff happens' but I think a whole lot of stuff happens. Justin is so broken and he's got all these memories of things that have happened to him and around him and he's just trying to make sense of it all. A lot of stuff happens even if it is all mostly happening to Justin's emotional state.

It's an incredible fic that tells an agonizing story and still manages to come out on top of all the badness. I love this fic because it can make me feel. I can't promise you'll love it as much as I do but it's a wonderful, captivating read so long as you're not looking for bunnies and rainbows.


Some days are fine. Some days, Justin goes for hours without thinking about it or remembering what it was like. He doesn't think of the white heat of the sun or the way everything tasted like dry dust in his mouth. He doesn't think about the heft of his gun in his hands or the days spent in the humvee, having to piss in bottles because they couldn't stop, wondering when they'd get a new supply shipment in because they'd already traded half their MREs for batteries to power their night vision goggles.

Some days are fine, and he doesn't think about it. But that's only some days, because most days, he can't stop. He finds himself searching for a payphone to call JC and let him know he'll be late because he forgets about his cell; he reaches for his M16 and for a brief moment slides into a sheer state of panic when it's not there because you never put down your gun, you never let go even when you're sleeping—but then he remembers, and he can breath again. He doesn't need it here, even if he wants it.

Officially, he's fine. Officially, according to his military-issue psychiatrist, he's mostly all better and he's probably not going to end up beating his girlfriend to death like that guy Justin heard about last month, a former army reservist who woke up from a nightmare and just beat her to death right there on the bedroom carpet. Justin still has all his limbs, both eyes, ears in decent working order. He's perfectly fine, they say. His official diagnosis: perfectly fine.


Dear Goodbye Master Post