MF Luder (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mf_luder_xf) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crack_van2010-11-27 09:49 pm
mf_luder_xf) wrote in crack_van2010-11-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
Anything Worth Dying for by waldorph (NC-17)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Sarah Blake
Length: ~30,000
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
waldorph
Author Website: Ao3 Page
I don't think I can really capture the epicness of this fic. If you like apocalypse fics, you're in for a ride. Not only is the characterization spot on, the romance building and epic, the plot engaging and action-packed, and the story funny, but the author also adds in media and extra tidbits that make it seem like it's really happening, such as MSNBC "news reports" and a scene from The Daily Show. As well, bits from Chuck's gospel help weave the story together. I admit, one of my favorite parts, though, is the dream where God speaks through Dean to Lucifer. The POV on that, the significance, the references to past saviors...stunning. Just the kind of thing I enjoy reading in stories that involve God and Satan, especially relevant to SPN because we were supposed to feel sympathetic to Lucifer from time to time.
The OC's are fleshed out and active and I absolutely adore the inclusion of Sarah Blake and Chuck, both of whom hold a special place in my canon and fanon heart. It's epic angels against free will against evil and finally doing what's right. But really, I can't speak enough to how each character is loved and thus never two-dimensional in nature, how the emotions build and spill over, and how truly world-encompassing this fic is.
(Bonus points to the author for Firefly references and connecting Stonehenge toMishaCastiel, even before Stonehenge Apocalypse came out.)
Ellen takes over the bar. When she suspects people aren't sleeping properly, she whips up this cocktail that has everyone swearing it's roofied or something, because people usually don't make it up the stairs to their beds and have to be carried.
Bobby commandeers the ballroom as the research area, and the conference area turns into the war room.
"Four more hours," Dean murmurs quietly. They look around on the hospital. People are set up—it's turned into a hostel, and most of them have had hunter-experiences, so they know (more or less) what to expect.
Dean keeps looking at Sam every time they go over to the hospital. Like he wants to leave Sam here. Like Dean wants to hide Sam away until it's over.
Whatever the end may be.
He doesn't bring it up, but Sam has known Dean his whole life, and they've been hunting together for four steady years, and they've always communicated in something beyond words. And Sam knows, knows, that Dean would let Sam stay.
And it's not punishment. And Sam doesn't think, altogether, that it's to do with the fact that Sam Raised Lucifer, but it's to do with the fact that Dean was the one who carried Sam out of the fire; it's to do with the fact that Dean died to keep Sam alive—it's the fact that Dean would do anything to keep Sam safe. It's the fact that Dean wasn't, in some ways, always there for him (stealing prom dates, having his own version of rebellion that Sam suffered for while they were in school together), but that in all the ways that matter—in all the big ways Sam knew, knows, that Dean is there.
That even when Dean was walking away, saying those same words Dad had said ("You walk out that door, don't you ever come back"), Sam had never actually believed him. And maybe—maybe there's something wrong with that.
And he thought—God. For so long he thought that was weakness. That Dean's capacity for forgiveness, his ability to find a middle road, common ground—those made him weak.
But here, at the end of the calm before the storm, with Dean sparking with energy and determination and the same conviction he's had all along—
It's not weakness.
Sam has done fucking horrible things—and Dean came back. Came back for him. Sam doesn't know how you repay that kind of love. How he's ever going to measure up to it.
Knows that if Dean said, "Sammy, you should stay here" that Sam… might do it.
But Dean doesn't say that, and they walk the mile or so down to the Eldridge, stopping on the corner and Dean looks down all the streets—the way he's been doing every day since they got here.
Looking for Castiel.
Looking for Chuck, too, but it's Castiel who's left something like a hole in Dean.
He keeps leaning slightly, eyes searching before he catches himself.
Sam knows that Anna notices—she keeps looking too.
And Sam wants Castiel to walk down the abandoned street, his trenchcoat flapping in the breeze that was blowing paper and leaves down the road. His head tilted slightly—birdlike. Sam can see it so perfectly, the way he'd just look at Dean curiously, wondering why he's been waiting, not understanding—not capable of understanding—how much he means to Dean.
He doesn't, and Anna says from the door,
"Two hours until truce is over, come on."
Dean sighs, and turns into the door and Sam follows him, bolting it and helping Anna nail it up. The angels will be transporting their forces; the hotel is inaccessible from the outside.
In the first week they get reports of towns going empty or getting turned— a few spontaneously explode or burn. Tribal warfare throughout Africa picks up. Chinese men start fighting each other as more of the already scarce women vanish. Riots break out in Iran before the elections, and Israel gets nervous and starts pointing nuclear warheads, which makes the Palestinians go insane, which makes Lebanon, Egypt, and Serbia get antsy. India and Pakistan have an incident which makes China nervous. Disaffected tea-bagging conservatives stock up on guns. Mexico descends back into drug wars. Putin gives up pretending Medvedev is in charge in Russia and positions himself to become the next Stalin. Sam's not really sure what Canada's doing.
Jonathan Falwell gets really big. Christopher Hitchens looks like he really just wants to kill Jonathan Falwell.
Sam stops watching TV when he can't fall asleep, and after seven days it looks like World War III is about to break out.
And they're hunters. They're none of them politicians, have no influence in the real world. They can't pick up the phone—most of them are wanted criminals. They can't shout at the world that it's ending, even though it is and the truth is right there. People don't want to believe it, and Sam can feel that frustrated rage building behind his eyes, the demon in his blood boiling. He has to go sit down, punch a wall.
And then the president comes on, and Anna says faintly, "It was good, that we put him in office." There seem to be allies in high places; Anna calls them "Agents"— people like Dean who are chosen, who have heard from the angels. Who were, like Anna, Fallen, but not pulled to Hell.
"Was he really—was it really always going to be him?" Sam asks one night as Dean comes back bloody and grinning from…where was it, San Francisco?
Anna shrugs. "Yes."
"But Zachariah—"
"Was playing by his own rules. Looking at what he's done…" Anna shakes her head. "It's impossible to think that the Father didn't pick him, didn't choose him. That Zachariah, that they all misunderstood."
Sam is busy trying to help Bobby and Mr. Universe, only sees Dean when they go to bed, or pass. He works hard on finding ways to counter all Lucifer's advances, afraid to go out and actually fight. Afraid that he'll use his powers, the ones he's trying so hard to repress.
They find out that the UK is protected; apparently? Stonehenge's purpose was to keep Lucifer at bay. Who the Hell knew? People flood to it. Sam tries to figure out a way to mimic it. Crop circles come into play.
Dean, though. Dean is out there.
Some days, Sam will emerge and realize he hasn't actually seen Dean, so he'll hunt down Anna or Bobby or Ellen, and they'll blink and then there will be a moment of panic as everyone tries to find Dean, who has conned another angel into taking him to Singapore, or Perth, or La Paz, or some other fucking place where demons are prowling and looking for him. It doesn't matter that Dean gets results. It doesn't even matter that suddenly #deanwinchester is one of the most popular hash tags on Twitter. All that matters is that Dean is just up and leaving without telling anyone and after the seventh time it happens, Sam grabs Dean by the arm and shouts, "God, Dean! If you wanted to go get killed, we could have found a way for you to martyr yourself properly! Want a fucking crucifix?!"
"Fuck you, Sam," Dean snarls back. "I didn't lose him to do all this and then end up bein' a fuckin' figurehead anyway!"
Sam stares at his back as Dean walks away, the tight, angry line of his shoulders clearing the halls faster than a fire fight. And Sam's not sure Dean even knows he slipped—that he gave it up. That Castiel is his motivator (and Sam doesn't think it's his only motivator, but he thinks…Dean always needs a reason. Mom's death, Dad's death, keeping Sam safe… something tangible. Something he can grab onto and keep close until the rage around it is perfect and smooth).
"Castiel pulled him out," Anna says softly as they sit and nurse their whiskeys in the bar. "It's not Dean being indebted, but… I think that Castiel is the only person who believed in Dean the whole way through." Sam flinches, and Anna smiles slightly, but doesn't reassure him. He doubted Dean. This is fact, and she won't patronize him by pretending he didn't.
"He was…affected by Dean," she continues. "Changed, for the better. He endured punishments for it. And then…" she shakes her had. "It's like he Fell without Falling."
"What do you mean?"
"Castiel is the first angel to make a decision without orders," she says softly. "The rest of us—when we choose to follow our own… paths, we Fall. It's the hardest thing to do, but I think what Castiel did was harder. He's not giving up on…on God. On his brothers and sisters, he just picked a different, better way to fight."
"Could he have lived?"
She shrugs quietly. "I don't know if he's alive or not. But it wasn't just one archangel protecting Chuck. Those were the archangels on Zachariah's side—the ones who thought controlling the Word would make it be so. If Castiel takes away their power over the Prophet…" she shrugs, looking out over the people drifting around, leaning against the bar and talking to Ellen and Jo. "If the Prophet is even alive."
Anything Worth Dying For
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Sarah Blake
Length: ~30,000
Author on LJ:
waldorph Author Website: Ao3 Page
I don't think I can really capture the epicness of this fic. If you like apocalypse fics, you're in for a ride. Not only is the characterization spot on, the romance building and epic, the plot engaging and action-packed, and the story funny, but the author also adds in media and extra tidbits that make it seem like it's really happening, such as MSNBC "news reports" and a scene from The Daily Show. As well, bits from Chuck's gospel help weave the story together. I admit, one of my favorite parts, though, is the dream where God speaks through Dean to Lucifer. The POV on that, the significance, the references to past saviors...stunning. Just the kind of thing I enjoy reading in stories that involve God and Satan, especially relevant to SPN because we were supposed to feel sympathetic to Lucifer from time to time.
The OC's are fleshed out and active and I absolutely adore the inclusion of Sarah Blake and Chuck, both of whom hold a special place in my canon and fanon heart. It's epic angels against free will against evil and finally doing what's right. But really, I can't speak enough to how each character is loved and thus never two-dimensional in nature, how the emotions build and spill over, and how truly world-encompassing this fic is.
(Bonus points to the author for Firefly references and connecting Stonehenge to
Ellen takes over the bar. When she suspects people aren't sleeping properly, she whips up this cocktail that has everyone swearing it's roofied or something, because people usually don't make it up the stairs to their beds and have to be carried.
Bobby commandeers the ballroom as the research area, and the conference area turns into the war room.
"Four more hours," Dean murmurs quietly. They look around on the hospital. People are set up—it's turned into a hostel, and most of them have had hunter-experiences, so they know (more or less) what to expect.
Dean keeps looking at Sam every time they go over to the hospital. Like he wants to leave Sam here. Like Dean wants to hide Sam away until it's over.
Whatever the end may be.
He doesn't bring it up, but Sam has known Dean his whole life, and they've been hunting together for four steady years, and they've always communicated in something beyond words. And Sam knows, knows, that Dean would let Sam stay.
And it's not punishment. And Sam doesn't think, altogether, that it's to do with the fact that Sam Raised Lucifer, but it's to do with the fact that Dean was the one who carried Sam out of the fire; it's to do with the fact that Dean died to keep Sam alive—it's the fact that Dean would do anything to keep Sam safe. It's the fact that Dean wasn't, in some ways, always there for him (stealing prom dates, having his own version of rebellion that Sam suffered for while they were in school together), but that in all the ways that matter—in all the big ways Sam knew, knows, that Dean is there.
That even when Dean was walking away, saying those same words Dad had said ("You walk out that door, don't you ever come back"), Sam had never actually believed him. And maybe—maybe there's something wrong with that.
And he thought—God. For so long he thought that was weakness. That Dean's capacity for forgiveness, his ability to find a middle road, common ground—those made him weak.
But here, at the end of the calm before the storm, with Dean sparking with energy and determination and the same conviction he's had all along—
It's not weakness.
Sam has done fucking horrible things—and Dean came back. Came back for him. Sam doesn't know how you repay that kind of love. How he's ever going to measure up to it.
Knows that if Dean said, "Sammy, you should stay here" that Sam… might do it.
But Dean doesn't say that, and they walk the mile or so down to the Eldridge, stopping on the corner and Dean looks down all the streets—the way he's been doing every day since they got here.
Looking for Castiel.
Looking for Chuck, too, but it's Castiel who's left something like a hole in Dean.
He keeps leaning slightly, eyes searching before he catches himself.
Sam knows that Anna notices—she keeps looking too.
And Sam wants Castiel to walk down the abandoned street, his trenchcoat flapping in the breeze that was blowing paper and leaves down the road. His head tilted slightly—birdlike. Sam can see it so perfectly, the way he'd just look at Dean curiously, wondering why he's been waiting, not understanding—not capable of understanding—how much he means to Dean.
He doesn't, and Anna says from the door,
"Two hours until truce is over, come on."
Dean sighs, and turns into the door and Sam follows him, bolting it and helping Anna nail it up. The angels will be transporting their forces; the hotel is inaccessible from the outside.
In the first week they get reports of towns going empty or getting turned— a few spontaneously explode or burn. Tribal warfare throughout Africa picks up. Chinese men start fighting each other as more of the already scarce women vanish. Riots break out in Iran before the elections, and Israel gets nervous and starts pointing nuclear warheads, which makes the Palestinians go insane, which makes Lebanon, Egypt, and Serbia get antsy. India and Pakistan have an incident which makes China nervous. Disaffected tea-bagging conservatives stock up on guns. Mexico descends back into drug wars. Putin gives up pretending Medvedev is in charge in Russia and positions himself to become the next Stalin. Sam's not really sure what Canada's doing.
Jonathan Falwell gets really big. Christopher Hitchens looks like he really just wants to kill Jonathan Falwell.
Sam stops watching TV when he can't fall asleep, and after seven days it looks like World War III is about to break out.
And they're hunters. They're none of them politicians, have no influence in the real world. They can't pick up the phone—most of them are wanted criminals. They can't shout at the world that it's ending, even though it is and the truth is right there. People don't want to believe it, and Sam can feel that frustrated rage building behind his eyes, the demon in his blood boiling. He has to go sit down, punch a wall.
And then the president comes on, and Anna says faintly, "It was good, that we put him in office." There seem to be allies in high places; Anna calls them "Agents"— people like Dean who are chosen, who have heard from the angels. Who were, like Anna, Fallen, but not pulled to Hell.
"Was he really—was it really always going to be him?" Sam asks one night as Dean comes back bloody and grinning from…where was it, San Francisco?
Anna shrugs. "Yes."
"But Zachariah—"
"Was playing by his own rules. Looking at what he's done…" Anna shakes her head. "It's impossible to think that the Father didn't pick him, didn't choose him. That Zachariah, that they all misunderstood."
Sam is busy trying to help Bobby and Mr. Universe, only sees Dean when they go to bed, or pass. He works hard on finding ways to counter all Lucifer's advances, afraid to go out and actually fight. Afraid that he'll use his powers, the ones he's trying so hard to repress.
They find out that the UK is protected; apparently? Stonehenge's purpose was to keep Lucifer at bay. Who the Hell knew? People flood to it. Sam tries to figure out a way to mimic it. Crop circles come into play.
Dean, though. Dean is out there.
Some days, Sam will emerge and realize he hasn't actually seen Dean, so he'll hunt down Anna or Bobby or Ellen, and they'll blink and then there will be a moment of panic as everyone tries to find Dean, who has conned another angel into taking him to Singapore, or Perth, or La Paz, or some other fucking place where demons are prowling and looking for him. It doesn't matter that Dean gets results. It doesn't even matter that suddenly #deanwinchester is one of the most popular hash tags on Twitter. All that matters is that Dean is just up and leaving without telling anyone and after the seventh time it happens, Sam grabs Dean by the arm and shouts, "God, Dean! If you wanted to go get killed, we could have found a way for you to martyr yourself properly! Want a fucking crucifix?!"
"Fuck you, Sam," Dean snarls back. "I didn't lose him to do all this and then end up bein' a fuckin' figurehead anyway!"
Sam stares at his back as Dean walks away, the tight, angry line of his shoulders clearing the halls faster than a fire fight. And Sam's not sure Dean even knows he slipped—that he gave it up. That Castiel is his motivator (and Sam doesn't think it's his only motivator, but he thinks…Dean always needs a reason. Mom's death, Dad's death, keeping Sam safe… something tangible. Something he can grab onto and keep close until the rage around it is perfect and smooth).
"Castiel pulled him out," Anna says softly as they sit and nurse their whiskeys in the bar. "It's not Dean being indebted, but… I think that Castiel is the only person who believed in Dean the whole way through." Sam flinches, and Anna smiles slightly, but doesn't reassure him. He doubted Dean. This is fact, and she won't patronize him by pretending he didn't.
"He was…affected by Dean," she continues. "Changed, for the better. He endured punishments for it. And then…" she shakes her had. "It's like he Fell without Falling."
"What do you mean?"
"Castiel is the first angel to make a decision without orders," she says softly. "The rest of us—when we choose to follow our own… paths, we Fall. It's the hardest thing to do, but I think what Castiel did was harder. He's not giving up on…on God. On his brothers and sisters, he just picked a different, better way to fight."
"Could he have lived?"
She shrugs quietly. "I don't know if he's alive or not. But it wasn't just one archangel protecting Chuck. Those were the archangels on Zachariah's side—the ones who thought controlling the Word would make it be so. If Castiel takes away their power over the Prophet…" she shrugs, looking out over the people drifting around, leaning against the bar and talking to Ellen and Jo. "If the Prophet is even alive."
Anything Worth Dying For