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crack_van2010-12-28 08:38 pm
gummibearthief.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2010-12-28 08:38 pm
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Overview True Blood
Welcome to True Blood! I wanna do bad things to you, and even if I didn’t - a large host of the characters would.
True Blood is a tv show based of the book series The Southern Vampire Mysteries (also known as the Sookie Stackhouse Verse) by Charlaine Harris, but I wouldn’t compare the two too much. I would give you the IMDB summary but that’s a tad short so we’re going with mine. Why should you enjoy the show? Because it is all that is snark, camp and gay as all get out in the tv world of today. Well, that and the profuse amount of naked well built bodies having prodigious amounts of sex on camera.
Meet The Triangle:
Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin):
Your average everyday telepathic waitress in Bon Temps Louisiana who is all that is good and pure as long as you don’t cross her. Oh, and she’s a fairy.
We meet Ms. Stackhouse at her place of employment - Merlotte’s Bar and Grill, a fairly popular place given the majority of the town ends up there on a regular basis. We find that Sookie seems to be telepathic, blonde and less than accepted as she seems to have a hard time not responding to the thoughts in other people’s head. It’s no wonder as we find (in a shocking turn of events) that people are rarely “good Christian folk” in the privacy of their own heads. She does claim to try to stay out of her friends and co-worker’s heads evidenced by the fact that she is oblivious to her boss’ hopeless love for her. Then, wonder of wonders in walks a Brain of Blessed Silence otherwise known as…
Bill Compton (Stephan Moyer):
A 174 year old, mainstreaming vampire turned on his way home from the Civil War who has moved to Bon Temps to fall in love with the redneck “but I’m a lady” virgin waitress. There’s also a slight hint that he might be sent by the Queen of Louisiana to procure Sookie for her. He’s broody.
Our current vampire introduction leads to Sookie’s immediate fascination. It seems that the waitress cannot read the mind of vampires. Reading the minds of the two unsavory characters in the booth with Mr. Compton she determines that they are “drainers”, people who drain vampires of blood since it’s the current drug of choice. Proving that he has very poor people skills Bill leaves with them forcing Sookie to run into the night after him. Blah, blah, blah, she saves him and instead of being a drug addict/ greedy bitch flounces back to her job, the bad guys come back at the end of her shift and beat the ever livin hell outta her, vampire kills baddies and saves her with his blood yadda, yadda. It’s all very romantic and happy ever after-ish except Bill has a boss who’s a little closer than the Queen…
Eric Northman (Alexander Skargard):
One thousand years old, a Viking, Sheriff of Area 5, all around bad ass and smoking hot in an “I am your Evil Overlord” kind of way. Apparently he is possessed of an item Ms. Stackhouse refers to in the book series as a “gracious plenty” which I am unable to confirm or deny at this time.
Eric owns a bar in Shreveport called Fangtasia. There is an explanation for the bar’s name, but all it screams is that vampires are old and so is their humor. Anyway, it turns out that you can’t call a book series a mystery unless you have dead people so, two of them have dropped dead in Bon Temps, leading our heroine to grab Bill and head out to the local vampire and fangbanger (this doesn’t need a definition does it?) hangout. Heroine meet Hot-ass Vampire who smoulders at you from his throne in a seedy goth bar, watch broody vampire get possessive, watch clever boss man find out waitress is telepathic in a “aren’t you a useful minion” kind of way and determine that he’d like to bang her too.
Other Vampires:
Season One
Nameless Intro Vamp:
This poor schmuck doesn’t get a name, in fact he’s billed as “Good Ole Boy” Vampire. He gets to tell us that vampires are officially out of the coffin and True Blood is an adequate substitute for real blood. Do you need to know about this guy? No, but why not ease the way into the other character assassinations with him?
Nan Flanigan (Jessica Tuck):
She is the mouthpiece of the American Vampire League. You see her every time you see a tv. She’s special, or at least thinks she is, and has the shady leaders of the vampire world backing her.
Malcom, Liam and Diane:
The first examples of vampires other than Bill that we meet that have minor relevance to the show. They exist for two whole glorious episodes to tell us that vampires in nests are stronger than they are alone, that vampires aren’t very nice, and Bill backs down very quickly. My, that is shocking.
Eddie (Stephan Root):
Our modern vampire tale of woe. What does he teach us? Don’t think that vampire blood buys you love. Don’t open the door to strangers. The important one is that they never believe you when you say you won’t tell anyone. Poor dude.
Bubba :
This guy only shows up in the books, but he’s important because he’s Sookie’s bodyguard and he’s Elvis. No, really, he is. Apparently, the King had a faint heartbeat when he came into the morgue and the vampire coroner thought it would be a great idea to turn him. Unfortunately, he had massive brain damage and would never be the same so don’t remind him.
Longshadow (Raul Trujillo):
Bartender and partner in Fangtasia, but he’s a thief and nowhere near as fabulous as Eric so he’s dead.
The Magister (Zeljko Ivanek):
The judge and ultimate word on vampire punishment. He is backed by the shadowy leaders of the American Vampire League.
Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll):
Bill’s childe and punishment for killing Longshadow, she is dragged out of a trunk and turned into a vampire as replacement. Jessica is a sheltered innocent seventeen year old when she is turned and sees the whole vampire thing as the greatest thing since sliced bread – except for being a permanent virgin, her boyfriend’s mom hating her and the fact that True Blood tastes disgusting.
Pam De Beaufort (Kristen Bauer):
Pam. Is. Awesome. And a lesbian. That is all you need to know. She will inform you if you need any other information.
Season Two
Chow (Patrick Gallagher):
Longshadow’s replacement and former Glee football coach. Did you know that if a fictional HS guidance councilor breaks your heart the only solution is to become a vampire bartender? The things that HBO teaches us.
The Dallas Vamps:
I’ll be honest here and tell you guys that the thing I remember most about these guys is that I pointed at the tv and squealed that Nathan Stark (Ed Quinn) from Eureka was alive. He played Stan the Cowboy Vampire.
Isabel:
Second in charge of the Dallas Vampires, and in love with the human that betrays them.
Godric (Allen Hyde):
Two thousand years old, Sheriff of Area 2, and Eric Northman’s sire. If you think this doesn’t make him a prime target for slashers, add in the fact that the actor was 19 when he played the role and is about a foot shorter than his “childe” who remains completely devoted to him. Godric ends up walking into the sun after he feels that his vampiric existence no longer has value, although he does show up as a spirit in later episodes.
Lorena Krasiki (Mariana Klaveno):
Bill’s maker and all around manipulative bitch, she is convinced that the only thing separating her and her one true love is Bill’s stubbornness. She turned Bill because he was the only soldier she encountered during the Civil War who didn’t take advantage of her. She immediately fell into psychosis (disguised as love) and determined he was the One. She eventually lets him live alone for a while after he mopes through the 1930s, but shows up again after Eric lets her know that Bill is in love with Sookie.
Sophie-Anne Leclerq (Rachel Evan Woods):
The Queen of Louisiana, encyclopedia on mythology and shallow beyond words. She is in trouble with her taxes so she makes her underlings sell V to make up her deficit. She does have the redeeming quality of wanting to see Bill and Eric get it on so we are mildly amused with her sub-par acting.
Season Three
Franklin Mott (James Frain):
Creepy serial killer type that is also a bounty hunter. He kidnaps Tara and tries to force her to fall in love with him by repeatedly raping her and feeding her his blood. He is cuddly like a panda.
Talbot (Theo Alexander):
Permanent companion to the King of Mississippi, he is 700 years old, handsome and spoiled to boot.
Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare):
The three thousand year old vampire King of Mississippi who’s only redeeming qualities are his love for Talbot and his ability to rip out a tv anchor’s spine. That was hysterical. He killed Eric’s Viking family which means our favorite sheriff is gunning for him. He is the only vampire so far to have permanent ties to a werewolf clan, which identifies him as the uber-baddy of season three. He also has this whole underground plan to marry Sophie-Anne and take over Louisiana, but that’s only important if you’re a vampire.
Werewolves:
Alcide Herveaux (Joe Manganiello):
Our dark hunk of wolfy goodness, Alcide gets called in to protect Sookie as she searches for a missing Bill. His father owes Eric a debt for bailing out their construction company and this is the way he’s being repaid. He ends up having a mild returned interest in our backwood waitress, but nothing comes of it since they’re both in love with another.
Debbie Pelt:
She was engaged to Alcide, but they broke things off when he refused to have kids with her. She ends up married to the local pack leader and under the command of Russell Edgington who keeps the pack supplied with V.
Cooter:
He’s the leader of Edgington’s Pack and Debbie’s husband. He’s dead. I admit that the only reason he’s on this list is because I like to laugh at his name.
Gus:
Patrick Swayze’s brother in RL. What? It’s the only thing we care about with this character.
Werepanthers:
At this point it seems that the entire town of Hot Shot is a werepanther and extremely inbred. Crystal Norris is the only one of note so far and that’s only because she sleeps with Jason Stackhouse. It is funny to hear “Uncle Daddy” used as a legitimate form of address.
Shapeshifters:
Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell):
His favorite shape is a dog, although he can become almost anything. He owns the bar Sookie works in and he’s in love with her. He’s one of the nicest guys on the show for the first two seasons but in order to give him more depth he has “A Dark Past” that has been catching up. So now instead of being nice he’s kind of an ass which makes him… a guy. Big surprise. His bar seems to be the target for every bad thing in Bon Temps which I’m sure cuts down on location costs.
Tommy Mickens/Merlotte (Marshall Allman):
Sam’s brother that wasn’t given up for adoption. He got to stay with the deadbeat family because daddy was finally out of prison. He was making his living as a dog in a dog fighting ring, but he was rescued by big brother. He steals money from his brother and is caught prompting the classic line “I don’t know how to read!” However, this is not a great way to elicit sympathy from the brother with a Dark Past. He also likes to hit on women, alive and undead.
Melinda Mickens:
A great example of crappy motherhood skills, self pity and trailer trash.
Daphne Landry:
A minion for evil, lousy waitress and sexy distraction.
Maenad:
Maryanne Forrester (Michelle Forbes):
She’s a sneaky one. She pretends to be a good Samaritan of a sort, helping people who are having problems (like Tara) then inciting a frenzy and orgy and sacrificing hearts to her god Dionysus. She’s nearly immortal and destroys Sookie’s house while she’s out of town, the bitch.
Humans:
Season One
Adele (Gran) Stackhouse:
Sookie and Jason’s grandmother who’s about the sweetest person on the show. She does her best to take care of her grandchildren, friends and neighbors with genuine caring. It may have been to hide the fact that she had an affair with a half-fairy, but we don’t know that yet. She gets killed by the local serial killer.
Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten):
Sookie’s brother, former football star and current dumbass. He’s self entitled and none too smart to boot. Jason goes with whatever catches his fancy, often to the detriment of his friends and family. He also nails just about everything in a skirt on the show. He does show a glimmer of redemption every so often and he’s the only character who frequently ripples every muscle in his upper body so we love him anyway.
Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley):
Her day isn’t complete unless she is damning the man somehow. She’s loud, rude, willing to shove her opinion down your throat with the least bit of provocation and Sookie’s best friend. Her mother is the town drunk and abusive, her cousin is flaming gay and proud and she’s black in a small southern town. This apparently serves to make her very cranky, but she is intensely loyal to the ones she loves and will kick your ass to prove it. She also has the magical ability to talk you out of jail.
Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis):
He’s a jack of all trades. He works on the county road crew, a cook at Merlottes, a drug dealer, a whore, and a survivor, mutha fucka. He’s Tara’s flaming gay cousin. He will also kick your ass if you have a problem with any of that. We find out later that he’s doing almost all of this to keep his crazy ass mother in the best Psych Ward he can afford. Yes, I love him to itty-bitty pieces.
Terry Bellfleur (Todd Lowe):
The other cook at Merlottes, handyman, and veteran suffering from PTSD. He’s not the most stable character on the show, but he becomes more reliable as time goes by since he’s the only one who won’t take off at the drop of a hat or get murdered.
Maudette Pickens:
A fangbanger who gets murdered after sleeping with Jason Stackhouse.
Dawn Green:
A fangbanger who gets murdered after sleeping with Jason Stackhouse, and a waitress at Merlottes.
Arlene Fowler (Carrie Preston):
She’s a waitress at Merlottes, has two kids and three ex-husbands. She doesn’t have a fourth yet, but she’s trying ie; currently engaged to Terry Bellfleur although she was engaged to Rene and is pregnant with his child. She’s our example of down-home hypocrisy; sweetness and light to your face then a swift knife to the back when you turn around.
Rene Lenier (Michael Raymond-James):
Jason’s best friend, worker for the county road crew, Arlene’s fiancé and has a hidden sister obsession. He’s your all around good ole Cajun boy with requisite incest stereotype checked off.
Hoyt Fortenberry (Jim Parrack):
He’s the mama’s boy and all around sweetheart of the town. He also works on the road crew and ends up being Jessica’s boyfriend. It takes him a little while to prove he can stand up to his mama, but for Jessica he does.
Bud Dearborn (William Sanderson):
Sheriff of Bon Temps, he is a stabilizing influence for his deputies. He eventually gets sick of finding dead bodies all over his town and quits.
Andy Bellfleur (Chris Bauer):
Starts as a detective and ends up sheriff in Bon Temps. He is a recovering alcoholic, and automatically prejudiced against Jason Stackhouse. His is one of the Founding Families so he feels that he is always under pressure to be the best, but jumps to conclusions most of the time.
Maxine Fortenberry (Dale Raoul):
Hoyt’s mother and interfering busybody. She hates her son’s vampire girlfriend and just bought a gun.
Mike Spencer (John Billingsley):
County Coroner with a severe lack of tact, and sodomizes a tree under Maryanne’s influence. Thanks to him I now wonder if there is an actual legal precedence for having sex with flora and if so why would it be termed sodomy? He’s one of those people we see way too much skin from.
Ginger (Tara Buck):
Much abused waitress from Fangtasia. She’s been glamored so often a box of rocks could out score her on an intelligence test. She is very much a vampire minion.
Steve Newlin (Michael Mc Millian):
Pastor for The Fellowship of the Sun Church and anti-vampire activist who publicly took up his cause when his father, step-mother, and half-brother were killed by vampires. He is a fanatic who plans to wipe out all vampires whether it is legal or not. Most of his time he spends fighting Nan Flanigan on tv and looking like an idiot, but he is gathering people to his church and cause.
Lettie Mae Thornton (Adina Porter):
Tara’s mother and a drunk who insists that her addiction to alcohol is because she is possessed by a demon. She is abusive toward her daughter, but manages to sober up after being exorcised by a voodoo woman in the woods. She is also a self-righteous Christian who condemns her daughter’s behavior on a regular basis and ends up sleeping with the married pastor of her church.
Amy Burley (Lizzy Kaplan):
Another V addict who meets Jason at Fangtasia and manages to get him out before he gets himself killed. She is a dropout psych major who lives “as one with nature” until she convinces Jason to kidnap a vampire for his blood during withdrawal. Her excuse is that vampires are dead and no longer natural, but has a change of heart when Jason starts feeling guilty for kidnapping Eddie. Eventually she kills Eddie, but ends up being Rene’s last victim due to her V addiction.
Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds):
A fake voodoo woman who makes a living giving exorcisms in the swamp. She exorcises both Lettie Mae and Tara, but ends up being killed by Maryanne who was summoned by Tara’s exorcism. It was a vicious cycle and we’re glad it’s over.
Redneck Trio:
These three manage to fulfill every redneck stereotype. They hate vampires, gays, and everything “unnatural” and wrong including those job taking Mexicans getting their beer money. The last one isn’t said out loud, but it’s implied. They manage to piss everyone off and kill three vampires, but they die fast so we don’t care.
Season Two
Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp):
The wife of Steve Newlin, she is the epitome of the poor little rich girl. Her sister falls in with the vampire crowd and ends up dead so she joins the church and the cause, but they won’t tell her their plans, mostly because they’re illegal as hell, so she sleeps with Jason Stackhouse. That’ll teach ‘em.
Eggs (Mehcad Brooks):
Another rescue by Maryanne takes Eggs off the streets and keeps him out of the prison system. He and Tara fall in love, but they start to realize that they are being used by their benefactor. When everything comes to light he can’t handle his guilt and decides to suicide by cop, but Jason shoots him instead.
Hugo (Christopher Gartin):
He is the human companion of Isabel second in charge of the Dallas Vamps. He is in love with her, but she refuses to turn him so he betrays the vampires to the Fellowship of the Sun. Bad human, bad.
Barry the Bellboy (Chris Coy):
He really is a bellboy. He works at the Vampire hotel when Sookie overhears him reading her mind. In an effort to maintain telepathic solidarity she hunts him down and harasses him until he quits his job. Way to go, girlie. He ends up saving her anyway by telling Bill and Eric that she’s been captured by the Fellowship when she sends out a psychic scream for HALP!
Luke McDonald (Wes Brown):
A jealous bastard, he is one of the members of the Fellowship of the Sun heading to their retreat. He meets Jason on the way and soon realizes that they are in a competition – that he is losing. He works really, really hard and gets to blow himself up eventually. Whee, what a prize.
Season Three
Ruby Jean Reynolds (Alfre Woodward):
Lafayette’s momma and she has Dissociative Disorder, sometimes known as schizophrenia. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t so violent. I like her, she’s funny.
Jesus Velasquez (Kevin Alejandro):
Ruby Jean’s nurse and a brujo, he likes Lafayette, but is pretty sure the drug dealing is bad mojo and breaks things off. However, he finds out that Eric is forcing him to deal, and that his new squeeze is a witch too. They were all cuddly the last time we saw them.
Yvetta (Natasha Alam):
She’s a stripper, and Eric pisses her off so she lets Sookie go at a very inopportune time and takes off. Apparently you shouldn’t mess with Neurosurgeons from her country. I think that’s what she said she was?
Hadley Hale (Lindsey Haun):
Sookie’s cousin and Sophie-Anne’s companion. She’s the one that sells Sookie down the river to the queen for bonus points, but then has to run away when she figures out that her son is like Sookie and eventual food if she sticks around.
Holly Cleary (Lauren Bowles):
Our new resident Wiccan. I find it absolutely hysterical that she had been called one of the more accurate portrayals of the religion found on tv. Not because of her beliefs, but rather because the show tends to make caricatures of their characters in my opinion.
True Blood is a tv show based of the book series The Southern Vampire Mysteries (also known as the Sookie Stackhouse Verse) by Charlaine Harris, but I wouldn’t compare the two too much. I would give you the IMDB summary but that’s a tad short so we’re going with mine. Why should you enjoy the show? Because it is all that is snark, camp and gay as all get out in the tv world of today. Well, that and the profuse amount of naked well built bodies having prodigious amounts of sex on camera.
Meet The Triangle:
Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin):
Your average everyday telepathic waitress in Bon Temps Louisiana who is all that is good and pure as long as you don’t cross her. Oh, and she’s a fairy.
We meet Ms. Stackhouse at her place of employment - Merlotte’s Bar and Grill, a fairly popular place given the majority of the town ends up there on a regular basis. We find that Sookie seems to be telepathic, blonde and less than accepted as she seems to have a hard time not responding to the thoughts in other people’s head. It’s no wonder as we find (in a shocking turn of events) that people are rarely “good Christian folk” in the privacy of their own heads. She does claim to try to stay out of her friends and co-worker’s heads evidenced by the fact that she is oblivious to her boss’ hopeless love for her. Then, wonder of wonders in walks a Brain of Blessed Silence otherwise known as…
Bill Compton (Stephan Moyer):
A 174 year old, mainstreaming vampire turned on his way home from the Civil War who has moved to Bon Temps to fall in love with the redneck “but I’m a lady” virgin waitress. There’s also a slight hint that he might be sent by the Queen of Louisiana to procure Sookie for her. He’s broody.
Our current vampire introduction leads to Sookie’s immediate fascination. It seems that the waitress cannot read the mind of vampires. Reading the minds of the two unsavory characters in the booth with Mr. Compton she determines that they are “drainers”, people who drain vampires of blood since it’s the current drug of choice. Proving that he has very poor people skills Bill leaves with them forcing Sookie to run into the night after him. Blah, blah, blah, she saves him and instead of being a drug addict/ greedy bitch flounces back to her job, the bad guys come back at the end of her shift and beat the ever livin hell outta her, vampire kills baddies and saves her with his blood yadda, yadda. It’s all very romantic and happy ever after-ish except Bill has a boss who’s a little closer than the Queen…
Eric Northman (Alexander Skargard):
One thousand years old, a Viking, Sheriff of Area 5, all around bad ass and smoking hot in an “I am your Evil Overlord” kind of way. Apparently he is possessed of an item Ms. Stackhouse refers to in the book series as a “gracious plenty” which I am unable to confirm or deny at this time.
Eric owns a bar in Shreveport called Fangtasia. There is an explanation for the bar’s name, but all it screams is that vampires are old and so is their humor. Anyway, it turns out that you can’t call a book series a mystery unless you have dead people so, two of them have dropped dead in Bon Temps, leading our heroine to grab Bill and head out to the local vampire and fangbanger (this doesn’t need a definition does it?) hangout. Heroine meet Hot-ass Vampire who smoulders at you from his throne in a seedy goth bar, watch broody vampire get possessive, watch clever boss man find out waitress is telepathic in a “aren’t you a useful minion” kind of way and determine that he’d like to bang her too.
Other Vampires:
Season One
Nameless Intro Vamp:
This poor schmuck doesn’t get a name, in fact he’s billed as “Good Ole Boy” Vampire. He gets to tell us that vampires are officially out of the coffin and True Blood is an adequate substitute for real blood. Do you need to know about this guy? No, but why not ease the way into the other character assassinations with him?
Nan Flanigan (Jessica Tuck):
She is the mouthpiece of the American Vampire League. You see her every time you see a tv. She’s special, or at least thinks she is, and has the shady leaders of the vampire world backing her.
Malcom, Liam and Diane:
The first examples of vampires other than Bill that we meet that have minor relevance to the show. They exist for two whole glorious episodes to tell us that vampires in nests are stronger than they are alone, that vampires aren’t very nice, and Bill backs down very quickly. My, that is shocking.
Eddie (Stephan Root):
Our modern vampire tale of woe. What does he teach us? Don’t think that vampire blood buys you love. Don’t open the door to strangers. The important one is that they never believe you when you say you won’t tell anyone. Poor dude.
Bubba :
This guy only shows up in the books, but he’s important because he’s Sookie’s bodyguard and he’s Elvis. No, really, he is. Apparently, the King had a faint heartbeat when he came into the morgue and the vampire coroner thought it would be a great idea to turn him. Unfortunately, he had massive brain damage and would never be the same so don’t remind him.
Longshadow (Raul Trujillo):
Bartender and partner in Fangtasia, but he’s a thief and nowhere near as fabulous as Eric so he’s dead.
The Magister (Zeljko Ivanek):
The judge and ultimate word on vampire punishment. He is backed by the shadowy leaders of the American Vampire League.
Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll):
Bill’s childe and punishment for killing Longshadow, she is dragged out of a trunk and turned into a vampire as replacement. Jessica is a sheltered innocent seventeen year old when she is turned and sees the whole vampire thing as the greatest thing since sliced bread – except for being a permanent virgin, her boyfriend’s mom hating her and the fact that True Blood tastes disgusting.
Pam De Beaufort (Kristen Bauer):
Pam. Is. Awesome. And a lesbian. That is all you need to know. She will inform you if you need any other information.
Season Two
Chow (Patrick Gallagher):
Longshadow’s replacement and former Glee football coach. Did you know that if a fictional HS guidance councilor breaks your heart the only solution is to become a vampire bartender? The things that HBO teaches us.
The Dallas Vamps:
I’ll be honest here and tell you guys that the thing I remember most about these guys is that I pointed at the tv and squealed that Nathan Stark (Ed Quinn) from Eureka was alive. He played Stan the Cowboy Vampire.
Isabel:
Second in charge of the Dallas Vampires, and in love with the human that betrays them.
Godric (Allen Hyde):
Two thousand years old, Sheriff of Area 2, and Eric Northman’s sire. If you think this doesn’t make him a prime target for slashers, add in the fact that the actor was 19 when he played the role and is about a foot shorter than his “childe” who remains completely devoted to him. Godric ends up walking into the sun after he feels that his vampiric existence no longer has value, although he does show up as a spirit in later episodes.
Lorena Krasiki (Mariana Klaveno):
Bill’s maker and all around manipulative bitch, she is convinced that the only thing separating her and her one true love is Bill’s stubbornness. She turned Bill because he was the only soldier she encountered during the Civil War who didn’t take advantage of her. She immediately fell into psychosis (disguised as love) and determined he was the One. She eventually lets him live alone for a while after he mopes through the 1930s, but shows up again after Eric lets her know that Bill is in love with Sookie.
Sophie-Anne Leclerq (Rachel Evan Woods):
The Queen of Louisiana, encyclopedia on mythology and shallow beyond words. She is in trouble with her taxes so she makes her underlings sell V to make up her deficit. She does have the redeeming quality of wanting to see Bill and Eric get it on so we are mildly amused with her sub-par acting.
Season Three
Franklin Mott (James Frain):
Creepy serial killer type that is also a bounty hunter. He kidnaps Tara and tries to force her to fall in love with him by repeatedly raping her and feeding her his blood. He is cuddly like a panda.
Talbot (Theo Alexander):
Permanent companion to the King of Mississippi, he is 700 years old, handsome and spoiled to boot.
Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare):
The three thousand year old vampire King of Mississippi who’s only redeeming qualities are his love for Talbot and his ability to rip out a tv anchor’s spine. That was hysterical. He killed Eric’s Viking family which means our favorite sheriff is gunning for him. He is the only vampire so far to have permanent ties to a werewolf clan, which identifies him as the uber-baddy of season three. He also has this whole underground plan to marry Sophie-Anne and take over Louisiana, but that’s only important if you’re a vampire.
Werewolves:
Alcide Herveaux (Joe Manganiello):
Our dark hunk of wolfy goodness, Alcide gets called in to protect Sookie as she searches for a missing Bill. His father owes Eric a debt for bailing out their construction company and this is the way he’s being repaid. He ends up having a mild returned interest in our backwood waitress, but nothing comes of it since they’re both in love with another.
Debbie Pelt:
She was engaged to Alcide, but they broke things off when he refused to have kids with her. She ends up married to the local pack leader and under the command of Russell Edgington who keeps the pack supplied with V.
Cooter:
He’s the leader of Edgington’s Pack and Debbie’s husband. He’s dead. I admit that the only reason he’s on this list is because I like to laugh at his name.
Gus:
Patrick Swayze’s brother in RL. What? It’s the only thing we care about with this character.
Werepanthers:
At this point it seems that the entire town of Hot Shot is a werepanther and extremely inbred. Crystal Norris is the only one of note so far and that’s only because she sleeps with Jason Stackhouse. It is funny to hear “Uncle Daddy” used as a legitimate form of address.
Shapeshifters:
Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell):
His favorite shape is a dog, although he can become almost anything. He owns the bar Sookie works in and he’s in love with her. He’s one of the nicest guys on the show for the first two seasons but in order to give him more depth he has “A Dark Past” that has been catching up. So now instead of being nice he’s kind of an ass which makes him… a guy. Big surprise. His bar seems to be the target for every bad thing in Bon Temps which I’m sure cuts down on location costs.
Tommy Mickens/Merlotte (Marshall Allman):
Sam’s brother that wasn’t given up for adoption. He got to stay with the deadbeat family because daddy was finally out of prison. He was making his living as a dog in a dog fighting ring, but he was rescued by big brother. He steals money from his brother and is caught prompting the classic line “I don’t know how to read!” However, this is not a great way to elicit sympathy from the brother with a Dark Past. He also likes to hit on women, alive and undead.
Melinda Mickens:
A great example of crappy motherhood skills, self pity and trailer trash.
Daphne Landry:
A minion for evil, lousy waitress and sexy distraction.
Maenad:
Maryanne Forrester (Michelle Forbes):
She’s a sneaky one. She pretends to be a good Samaritan of a sort, helping people who are having problems (like Tara) then inciting a frenzy and orgy and sacrificing hearts to her god Dionysus. She’s nearly immortal and destroys Sookie’s house while she’s out of town, the bitch.
Humans:
Season One
Adele (Gran) Stackhouse:
Sookie and Jason’s grandmother who’s about the sweetest person on the show. She does her best to take care of her grandchildren, friends and neighbors with genuine caring. It may have been to hide the fact that she had an affair with a half-fairy, but we don’t know that yet. She gets killed by the local serial killer.
Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten):
Sookie’s brother, former football star and current dumbass. He’s self entitled and none too smart to boot. Jason goes with whatever catches his fancy, often to the detriment of his friends and family. He also nails just about everything in a skirt on the show. He does show a glimmer of redemption every so often and he’s the only character who frequently ripples every muscle in his upper body so we love him anyway.
Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley):
Her day isn’t complete unless she is damning the man somehow. She’s loud, rude, willing to shove her opinion down your throat with the least bit of provocation and Sookie’s best friend. Her mother is the town drunk and abusive, her cousin is flaming gay and proud and she’s black in a small southern town. This apparently serves to make her very cranky, but she is intensely loyal to the ones she loves and will kick your ass to prove it. She also has the magical ability to talk you out of jail.
Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis):
He’s a jack of all trades. He works on the county road crew, a cook at Merlottes, a drug dealer, a whore, and a survivor, mutha fucka. He’s Tara’s flaming gay cousin. He will also kick your ass if you have a problem with any of that. We find out later that he’s doing almost all of this to keep his crazy ass mother in the best Psych Ward he can afford. Yes, I love him to itty-bitty pieces.
Terry Bellfleur (Todd Lowe):
The other cook at Merlottes, handyman, and veteran suffering from PTSD. He’s not the most stable character on the show, but he becomes more reliable as time goes by since he’s the only one who won’t take off at the drop of a hat or get murdered.
Maudette Pickens:
A fangbanger who gets murdered after sleeping with Jason Stackhouse.
Dawn Green:
A fangbanger who gets murdered after sleeping with Jason Stackhouse, and a waitress at Merlottes.
Arlene Fowler (Carrie Preston):
She’s a waitress at Merlottes, has two kids and three ex-husbands. She doesn’t have a fourth yet, but she’s trying ie; currently engaged to Terry Bellfleur although she was engaged to Rene and is pregnant with his child. She’s our example of down-home hypocrisy; sweetness and light to your face then a swift knife to the back when you turn around.
Rene Lenier (Michael Raymond-James):
Jason’s best friend, worker for the county road crew, Arlene’s fiancé and has a hidden sister obsession. He’s your all around good ole Cajun boy with requisite incest stereotype checked off.
Hoyt Fortenberry (Jim Parrack):
He’s the mama’s boy and all around sweetheart of the town. He also works on the road crew and ends up being Jessica’s boyfriend. It takes him a little while to prove he can stand up to his mama, but for Jessica he does.
Bud Dearborn (William Sanderson):
Sheriff of Bon Temps, he is a stabilizing influence for his deputies. He eventually gets sick of finding dead bodies all over his town and quits.
Andy Bellfleur (Chris Bauer):
Starts as a detective and ends up sheriff in Bon Temps. He is a recovering alcoholic, and automatically prejudiced against Jason Stackhouse. His is one of the Founding Families so he feels that he is always under pressure to be the best, but jumps to conclusions most of the time.
Maxine Fortenberry (Dale Raoul):
Hoyt’s mother and interfering busybody. She hates her son’s vampire girlfriend and just bought a gun.
Mike Spencer (John Billingsley):
County Coroner with a severe lack of tact, and sodomizes a tree under Maryanne’s influence. Thanks to him I now wonder if there is an actual legal precedence for having sex with flora and if so why would it be termed sodomy? He’s one of those people we see way too much skin from.
Ginger (Tara Buck):
Much abused waitress from Fangtasia. She’s been glamored so often a box of rocks could out score her on an intelligence test. She is very much a vampire minion.
Steve Newlin (Michael Mc Millian):
Pastor for The Fellowship of the Sun Church and anti-vampire activist who publicly took up his cause when his father, step-mother, and half-brother were killed by vampires. He is a fanatic who plans to wipe out all vampires whether it is legal or not. Most of his time he spends fighting Nan Flanigan on tv and looking like an idiot, but he is gathering people to his church and cause.
Lettie Mae Thornton (Adina Porter):
Tara’s mother and a drunk who insists that her addiction to alcohol is because she is possessed by a demon. She is abusive toward her daughter, but manages to sober up after being exorcised by a voodoo woman in the woods. She is also a self-righteous Christian who condemns her daughter’s behavior on a regular basis and ends up sleeping with the married pastor of her church.
Amy Burley (Lizzy Kaplan):
Another V addict who meets Jason at Fangtasia and manages to get him out before he gets himself killed. She is a dropout psych major who lives “as one with nature” until she convinces Jason to kidnap a vampire for his blood during withdrawal. Her excuse is that vampires are dead and no longer natural, but has a change of heart when Jason starts feeling guilty for kidnapping Eddie. Eventually she kills Eddie, but ends up being Rene’s last victim due to her V addiction.
Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds):
A fake voodoo woman who makes a living giving exorcisms in the swamp. She exorcises both Lettie Mae and Tara, but ends up being killed by Maryanne who was summoned by Tara’s exorcism. It was a vicious cycle and we’re glad it’s over.
Redneck Trio:
These three manage to fulfill every redneck stereotype. They hate vampires, gays, and everything “unnatural” and wrong including those job taking Mexicans getting their beer money. The last one isn’t said out loud, but it’s implied. They manage to piss everyone off and kill three vampires, but they die fast so we don’t care.
Season Two
Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp):
The wife of Steve Newlin, she is the epitome of the poor little rich girl. Her sister falls in with the vampire crowd and ends up dead so she joins the church and the cause, but they won’t tell her their plans, mostly because they’re illegal as hell, so she sleeps with Jason Stackhouse. That’ll teach ‘em.
Eggs (Mehcad Brooks):
Another rescue by Maryanne takes Eggs off the streets and keeps him out of the prison system. He and Tara fall in love, but they start to realize that they are being used by their benefactor. When everything comes to light he can’t handle his guilt and decides to suicide by cop, but Jason shoots him instead.
Hugo (Christopher Gartin):
He is the human companion of Isabel second in charge of the Dallas Vamps. He is in love with her, but she refuses to turn him so he betrays the vampires to the Fellowship of the Sun. Bad human, bad.
Barry the Bellboy (Chris Coy):
He really is a bellboy. He works at the Vampire hotel when Sookie overhears him reading her mind. In an effort to maintain telepathic solidarity she hunts him down and harasses him until he quits his job. Way to go, girlie. He ends up saving her anyway by telling Bill and Eric that she’s been captured by the Fellowship when she sends out a psychic scream for HALP!
Luke McDonald (Wes Brown):
A jealous bastard, he is one of the members of the Fellowship of the Sun heading to their retreat. He meets Jason on the way and soon realizes that they are in a competition – that he is losing. He works really, really hard and gets to blow himself up eventually. Whee, what a prize.
Season Three
Ruby Jean Reynolds (Alfre Woodward):
Lafayette’s momma and she has Dissociative Disorder, sometimes known as schizophrenia. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t so violent. I like her, she’s funny.
Jesus Velasquez (Kevin Alejandro):
Ruby Jean’s nurse and a brujo, he likes Lafayette, but is pretty sure the drug dealing is bad mojo and breaks things off. However, he finds out that Eric is forcing him to deal, and that his new squeeze is a witch too. They were all cuddly the last time we saw them.
Yvetta (Natasha Alam):
She’s a stripper, and Eric pisses her off so she lets Sookie go at a very inopportune time and takes off. Apparently you shouldn’t mess with Neurosurgeons from her country. I think that’s what she said she was?
Hadley Hale (Lindsey Haun):
Sookie’s cousin and Sophie-Anne’s companion. She’s the one that sells Sookie down the river to the queen for bonus points, but then has to run away when she figures out that her son is like Sookie and eventual food if she sticks around.
Holly Cleary (Lauren Bowles):
Our new resident Wiccan. I find it absolutely hysterical that she had been called one of the more accurate portrayals of the religion found on tv. Not because of her beliefs, but rather because the show tends to make caricatures of their characters in my opinion.
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