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crack_van2013-04-05 10:06 am
laceymcbain.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2013-04-05 10:06 am
Entry tags:
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet by sirona (Mature, 14A+)
Fandom: THE AVENGERS (movieverse)
Pairing: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Length: ~ 18750 words
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sirona_gs; sirona_fics on Dreamwidth
Author Website: sirona's stories on AO3; Masterlist on LJ
Why this must be read: Aside from what we see in Thor and The Avengers (2012), we have no real details about any other events in the development of Clint and Coulson's work relationship. Which is awesome if you're a writer because you can use touchstones people expect, but you have freedom to tell the story in a variety of ways.
Sirona gives us an epic journey from Clint's early days at SHIELD, how he ends up working with Phil, bringing Natasha in, all the way up to the events of the movie and the aftermath. Over the years, there's such a clear development in their personal and professional relationships. These are two men who guard themselves fiercely, yet see something in the other that allows them to trust. It's a common theme--a deep connection that neither wants to risk, both assuming for the other it's only friendship. Stupid self-sacrificing men; oh, how we love them!
This story gives you the best of everything. The long history, a slow build without a lot of pining, and ultimately, a fantastic reveal that manages to cut Clint at the knees. Not an easy thing to achieve, and it's entirely believable. It gets me every time with how heart-breakingly honest it is, that Clint is so thrown he needs Natasha as a reality check for happiness. Think about that. Enjoy the story!
Clint knows this is stupid; knows it's probably going to end up in a burning, squidgy mess, but the thing is: he has never been able to resist a challenge. Cracking Coulson's cool has, within a week of meeting him, escalated to the top of Clint's list of things to do before it all ends up in flames. There's something about him that makes Clint want to impress him, however fucked-up that is. Clint doesn't need anyone; he knows he's the fucking best at what he does without being told.
Still. When Coulson had nodded at him in his office, obviously approving, something had shifted for Clint, and even now, days later, a lingering warmth remains, that of a job well-done.
It's kind of... sad, a little. Pathetic, maybe, that Coulson has so quickly become the focus of Clint's energies. Clint is kind of furious about it; surely he's got far more important things to focus his energies on than Coulson.
But. Here's another thing that's just as true: Clint is... not used to feeling secure. Not used to taking in his surroundings without checking them every-which-way-to-Sunday first, without maintaining a perimeter in his own head, what belongs inside, what doesn't. He has an obsessive need to evaluate, to assign threat levels to everything in his day-to-day existence. Since it's something that has kept him alive more times than he can count, he doesn't fight it too hard. Coulson is just a natural progression of the way Clint's life has gone for far too long -- he needs to know him, needs to understand him, needs to unpick every single thing about him, find out how he works, the kind of leverage that can be used to flip him if needs be, to eliminate at worst. He needs to know what he'll have to do if Coulson, along with the rest of SHIELD, turns on him, decides that his usefulness has been depleted. He can no more help it than he can stop reacting to gravity, stop looking over his shoulder.
He has spent so many years reacting to what goes on around him that it's ingrained in him now, to understand all the variables, go looking for explanations when he doesn't have them. People are variables more often than not, and he has a pathological need to find out what makes them tick. All Clint knows is how to push-push-shove if pushing doesn't work, and he needs to know exactly how far he can take it before he's 'assisted' in taking a flying leap off a tall building. He needs to know where the cracks lie, where he can force the end of a lever in and press, crack the man wide open. In a way, Clint will never feel safe until he has found just the right spot.
For another thing, the fact that he is already succumbing to the waves of calm flowing off Coulson's person scares Clint more than anything has so far in his miserable life. The fact that, if he let himself, he could come to trust Coulson so much farther than he can throw him, is what makes him shake at night, wake up covered in cold sweat.
He'd better nip this thing in the bud if he wants to make it to his next birthday still breathing.
On AO3: Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
If you enjoy the story, remember to feedback the author!
Pairing: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Length: ~ 18750 words
Author on LJ:
sirona_gs; sirona_fics on DreamwidthAuthor Website: sirona's stories on AO3; Masterlist on LJ
Why this must be read: Aside from what we see in Thor and The Avengers (2012), we have no real details about any other events in the development of Clint and Coulson's work relationship. Which is awesome if you're a writer because you can use touchstones people expect, but you have freedom to tell the story in a variety of ways.
Sirona gives us an epic journey from Clint's early days at SHIELD, how he ends up working with Phil, bringing Natasha in, all the way up to the events of the movie and the aftermath. Over the years, there's such a clear development in their personal and professional relationships. These are two men who guard themselves fiercely, yet see something in the other that allows them to trust. It's a common theme--a deep connection that neither wants to risk, both assuming for the other it's only friendship. Stupid self-sacrificing men; oh, how we love them!
This story gives you the best of everything. The long history, a slow build without a lot of pining, and ultimately, a fantastic reveal that manages to cut Clint at the knees. Not an easy thing to achieve, and it's entirely believable. It gets me every time with how heart-breakingly honest it is, that Clint is so thrown he needs Natasha as a reality check for happiness. Think about that. Enjoy the story!
Clint knows this is stupid; knows it's probably going to end up in a burning, squidgy mess, but the thing is: he has never been able to resist a challenge. Cracking Coulson's cool has, within a week of meeting him, escalated to the top of Clint's list of things to do before it all ends up in flames. There's something about him that makes Clint want to impress him, however fucked-up that is. Clint doesn't need anyone; he knows he's the fucking best at what he does without being told.
Still. When Coulson had nodded at him in his office, obviously approving, something had shifted for Clint, and even now, days later, a lingering warmth remains, that of a job well-done.
It's kind of... sad, a little. Pathetic, maybe, that Coulson has so quickly become the focus of Clint's energies. Clint is kind of furious about it; surely he's got far more important things to focus his energies on than Coulson.
But. Here's another thing that's just as true: Clint is... not used to feeling secure. Not used to taking in his surroundings without checking them every-which-way-to-Sunday first, without maintaining a perimeter in his own head, what belongs inside, what doesn't. He has an obsessive need to evaluate, to assign threat levels to everything in his day-to-day existence. Since it's something that has kept him alive more times than he can count, he doesn't fight it too hard. Coulson is just a natural progression of the way Clint's life has gone for far too long -- he needs to know him, needs to understand him, needs to unpick every single thing about him, find out how he works, the kind of leverage that can be used to flip him if needs be, to eliminate at worst. He needs to know what he'll have to do if Coulson, along with the rest of SHIELD, turns on him, decides that his usefulness has been depleted. He can no more help it than he can stop reacting to gravity, stop looking over his shoulder.
He has spent so many years reacting to what goes on around him that it's ingrained in him now, to understand all the variables, go looking for explanations when he doesn't have them. People are variables more often than not, and he has a pathological need to find out what makes them tick. All Clint knows is how to push-push-shove if pushing doesn't work, and he needs to know exactly how far he can take it before he's 'assisted' in taking a flying leap off a tall building. He needs to know where the cracks lie, where he can force the end of a lever in and press, crack the man wide open. In a way, Clint will never feel safe until he has found just the right spot.
For another thing, the fact that he is already succumbing to the waves of calm flowing off Coulson's person scares Clint more than anything has so far in his miserable life. The fact that, if he let himself, he could come to trust Coulson so much farther than he can throw him, is what makes him shake at night, wake up covered in cold sweat.
He'd better nip this thing in the bud if he wants to make it to his next birthday still breathing.
On AO3: Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
If you enjoy the story, remember to feedback the author!