crack_van | paper or plastic, by patho (ghostsoldier) (PG)

Fandom: WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE
Pairing: Gen, featuring Steve Carlsberg
Length: 1,790 words
Author on LJ: unknown
Author Website: cricketmask on Dreamwidth; pathopharmacology on Tumblr; works on AO3
Warnings: profanity, references to canon-level violence
Notes: spoilers for “Feral Dogs” (ep. 10) and “The Sandstorm” (19A & B)
Why this must be read:

Because of course the guy who sent an angry e-mail to Night Vale Community Radio denouncing the ongoing drawbridge construction project would attract the attention of a pack of four-footed libertarian street artists.

Steve snarls. “I--” Jab. “--am--“ Shovel. “--a--“ Heave. “--TAXPAYER.” He kicks the side of the hole with a bloody, dust-covered boot. “And I don’t pay taxes so my fucking government can fund fucking sandstorms that spawn fucking doppelgängers that try to murder me! BECAUSE THAT’S BULLSHIT.”

In the long silence that follows, Steve becomes aware of several things. First, his daughter is standing at the end of the side yard in a yellow sundress and galoshes, surrounded by the remaining five feral dogs and holding the sawed-off shotgun Steve keeps in the hall closet at the ready. Second, none of the dogs seem to be threatening her at all; three of them are wagging their tails, and the weird little Chihuahua-sized one appears to be sitting on her foot. And third, their huge and three-headed leader is regarding him with an expression of disturbingly frank appreciation.

“You,” the dog announces, “are one hell of an angry, paranoid nut-job. I like that in a person.”

“paper or plastic” on AO3; podfic version linked in notes