Solitude is the Soil in Which Genius is Planted, by Dangersocks (NC-17)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Fandom: WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE
Pairing: Cecil/Carlos
Length: 5 chapters, 21,611 words
Author on LJ: unknown
Author Website: on Tumblr; works on AO3
Warnings: Body horror, non-consensual body modification, hurt/comfort, bondage, third eye, clairvoyance, tentacle sex
Notes: set after “One Year Later (ep. 25)
Why this must be read:

After a solo expedition to the Whispering Forest ends badly, Carlos realizes that although he managed to escape, he didn’t get out unscathed.

“Carlos,” says the Forest from the voice recorder. “We love what you’ve done with your hair.”

He moves fast enough to surprise himself, grabbing the device and throwing it across the room with a startled, choking yell. The recorder bounces off of the far wall by the window and lands on a table covered in paperwork.

Carlos exhales, stunned at his reaction. And then he hears his own voice speak and he knows that the recorder still works and will continue to play. He knows he cannot stand to hear the Forest’s voice right now and he propels himself out of his chair to retrieve it.

“You are a really good scientist, Carlos. Hello,” the Forest says. Carlos, in the dim lighting, stumbles over one of the wheely chairs and is grateful for his shoes. He snatches up the recorder and punches it open, silencing it. He’s breathing quickly. His mouth is sandpaper.

Carlos gently puts the recording tool down and finds his hand trembling. He’s not sure if this is from rage or fear. He brings his hands to clasp the openings of his lab coat. He is not a good scientist. He is supposed to be impartial. Analytical. Emotionally removed.

In the kitchen, Carlos pours himself more water from the tap and drinks quickly. He carries his cup back to his laptop. He will take something for sleep and decide in the morning if he wants to follow through with the report.

He is starting to shut down his computer when he sees the screen for the first time. The word document is full of: “I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone I’m alone…”

This was one of the hardest Night Vale fics for me to read, and one of the most rewarding. Dangersocks does a gut-churningly good job of depicting Carlos’s alienation, terror, and mounting despair as he feels himself succumbing to an irrational (or perhaps all too rational) compulsion. Luckily, while his loneliness is real his sense of isolation proves false, and even when he’s most desperate he can muster a flash of humor — “I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THERMALS AND AIR PARCELS SO HELP ME GOD THE TEMPERATURE OF THE DEW POINT WILL ALWAYS BE SIXTY FAHRENHEIT...”

Sometimes, bravery means holding on until rescue arrives ... and then letting down your guard so you can be helped.

“Solitude is the Soil in Which Genius is Planted” on AO3 (link to first chapter)