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crack_van2005-11-15 01:05 pm
vissy.livejournal.com) wrote in crack_van2005-11-15 01:05 pm
Entry tags:
Lotrips/Smallville/Harry Potter/RPS (R)
Title: Welcome to the Dark Side by Zahra
Pairing: N/A
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hackthis
Author Website: Dysfunctional
Why this must be read: It's unrated, but I'll give this random and very funny crackfic an R for Eminem's pottymouth. “A wizard, a rap star and a multi-billionaire with political aspirations and questionable ethics walk into a bar.” Viggo's pub becomes the scene of bitching, mayhem, accidental Avada Cadavelry and Death Eater corporate recruitment as Marshall and Draco bicker, Lex waves a wand and Viggo loses a regular customer.
“Still attempting to oversell your heterosexuality, I see.” Draco made an obvious motion to Lex, “And yet, look at the company you keep.”
“You can keep my sexuality out of any discussion you’re having,” Lex said. “But what you can do is tell me if we’re ever going to get served or is this a do-it-yourself operation?”
“Man, don’t be gettin' your shit all in a twist, my boy’s gonna hook shit up.” Marshall’s voice managed to project halfway across the pub without him so much as sitting up properly. “Viggo! Dog, what the fuck we gotta do to get some drinks in here?!”
The bartender’s head lifted up from whatever contemplation he’d been enjoying, and Lex’s eyebrow lifted fractionally at the husky nature of his voice. “Patience is a virtue, Marshall,” Viggo said, running his fingers through his hair. “I see you’re still lacking.”
“You won’t be lacking my foot up your kingly ass in a minute. Can we get some fucking service or what?”
Viggo shook his head and stepped into a small patch of light. “Keep it in your pants,” he said pulling several glasses from behind the bar and uncapping a few bottles. “I’m working on some lyrics right now.”
Lex’s head throbbed with the force of Marshall’s voice in his ear. “When the fuck are you gonna sign with my label? You need to stop fucking around with that indie shit and get on a real record label.”
Viggo stepped from around the bar with his arms laden down with glasses and bottles. “I’ll get a real record label when you change the name to something besides Shady Records. Why the hell would anybody with any sense sign to something that announces from the start that it’s ‘shady’?” he pointed out as he crossed the empty room and deposited the glasses and bottles on the sticky booth table. “Not that the irony isn’t amusing, but it is still an industry.”
Marshall pushed himself into a sitting position beside Lex, taking up more room than he had previously. “I know you’re not insulting my shit,” he demanded as Viggo slid a large bottle of Hennessy across the table into his waiting grasp.
Lex couldn’t help but notice the small twitch at the corners of Viggo’s mouth. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said with a very even tone.
“That’s what I fucking thought,” Marshall said, nodding his head decisively. He seemed to pointedly ignore the tolerant look Viggo sent his way. “Man, go back to your finger-painting and shit, nobody’s looking for your back-pocket philosophical bullshit here.”
Welcome to the Darkside
Pairing: N/A
Author on LJ:
hackthisAuthor Website: Dysfunctional
Why this must be read: It's unrated, but I'll give this random and very funny crackfic an R for Eminem's pottymouth. “A wizard, a rap star and a multi-billionaire with political aspirations and questionable ethics walk into a bar.” Viggo's pub becomes the scene of bitching, mayhem, accidental Avada Cadavelry and Death Eater corporate recruitment as Marshall and Draco bicker, Lex waves a wand and Viggo loses a regular customer.
“Still attempting to oversell your heterosexuality, I see.” Draco made an obvious motion to Lex, “And yet, look at the company you keep.”
“You can keep my sexuality out of any discussion you’re having,” Lex said. “But what you can do is tell me if we’re ever going to get served or is this a do-it-yourself operation?”
“Man, don’t be gettin' your shit all in a twist, my boy’s gonna hook shit up.” Marshall’s voice managed to project halfway across the pub without him so much as sitting up properly. “Viggo! Dog, what the fuck we gotta do to get some drinks in here?!”
The bartender’s head lifted up from whatever contemplation he’d been enjoying, and Lex’s eyebrow lifted fractionally at the husky nature of his voice. “Patience is a virtue, Marshall,” Viggo said, running his fingers through his hair. “I see you’re still lacking.”
“You won’t be lacking my foot up your kingly ass in a minute. Can we get some fucking service or what?”
Viggo shook his head and stepped into a small patch of light. “Keep it in your pants,” he said pulling several glasses from behind the bar and uncapping a few bottles. “I’m working on some lyrics right now.”
Lex’s head throbbed with the force of Marshall’s voice in his ear. “When the fuck are you gonna sign with my label? You need to stop fucking around with that indie shit and get on a real record label.”
Viggo stepped from around the bar with his arms laden down with glasses and bottles. “I’ll get a real record label when you change the name to something besides Shady Records. Why the hell would anybody with any sense sign to something that announces from the start that it’s ‘shady’?” he pointed out as he crossed the empty room and deposited the glasses and bottles on the sticky booth table. “Not that the irony isn’t amusing, but it is still an industry.”
Marshall pushed himself into a sitting position beside Lex, taking up more room than he had previously. “I know you’re not insulting my shit,” he demanded as Viggo slid a large bottle of Hennessy across the table into his waiting grasp.
Lex couldn’t help but notice the small twitch at the corners of Viggo’s mouth. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said with a very even tone.
“That’s what I fucking thought,” Marshall said, nodding his head decisively. He seemed to pointedly ignore the tolerant look Viggo sent his way. “Man, go back to your finger-painting and shit, nobody’s looking for your back-pocket philosophical bullshit here.”
Welcome to the Darkside