Fandom: HARRY POTTER
Pairing: None, unless you count unrequited Severus/Lily
Length: ~5,000
Author on LJ:
musamihiAuthor Website: musamihi's masterlist of ficWhy this must be read:This is a devastating and beautifully described portrait of addiction and—not recovery, but resignation to the truth. Snape has been living for almost a year in a state of self-deluding dependence on a potion that allows him to dream of Lily. He's clearly on the point of losing his sanity, and probably his life, as his need for a fix to get him through the day leads to an increasingly reckless dosage. He's hallucinating and miscalculating, and things can't go on this way. The story begins with Dumbledore finding out how close his Potions master is to falling apart and deciding it's high time he put a stop to it.
musamihi focuses on the process of Snape's withdrawal, his demons and reasons, his derangement, his entrapment in the promise he made to Dumbledore. For most of the fic he would clearly prefer the ghost story he conjures each night, and dying from an overdose of imaginary love, to facing the loss of Lily and his responsibility in her death. What he endures as his body throws off the drug is painful and mesmerizing, captured with a sensuous attention to detail that transforms his nightmares into art. But only for us, not for him. Dumbledore's actions here add to the bleakness, making Snape's survival (as I read it) a matter more of reporting for duty than a recognition of his individual worth.
The fic is carefully paced, precisely imagined, gorgeous, and graced with a moment's innocence that suggests the difference it might have made if Snape's dreams about Lily had ever been real. But they weren't. Which is the ultimate heartbreaking revelation, because he wakes at last to emptiness and obligation, not peace; and to a path he has always been destined to travel alone.
***( Severus at breakfast )To Dwell on Dreams